Heavy Rain, Possums, Fog, and Frogs Oh My!

I went to a dog party yesterday evening at my friend J2's. She was celebrating having two greyhounds, so it technically wasn't a birthday party but more of a celebration of their adoptions.

J2 made homemade dog cake, dog treats, and had an array of other healthy dog foods on the table so guests could treat their dogs. She was worried humans would try to eat the dog food so she had all these little bone labels to help clueless humans look before they put anything in their mouths. The humans had their own table with hamburger fixings and salads, lots of salads.

Frisky and Lizzie (her two greyhounds) were completely spoiled and learned very fast to hover by the fence anytime anyone walked by because they might have treats and they usually did. While the humans had pie and ice-cream, all the dogs had doggie sundaes. It was so cute to see the dogs jamming their noses down into the cups to get the treat wedged in the bottom after all the ice-cream was gone.

Unfortunately the vast majority of people who said they were coming, didn't show due to the cloudy cold clammy weather (it didn't rain until it got dark). There were only about 12 people + one dog out of 70 invited. J2 made me up a big plate of goodies for my parents' dog who was supposed to go but was out gallivanting with my parents instead. It's probably best he didn't go, I stayed way past his bedtime.

J2 and I spent some time playing Wii. This game we tried called "Defend Your Castle" was strangely addictive. It was high tech disguised with low tech graphics. The defenders (us) were plastic bread tabs, the enemies were stick people, battering rams were popsicle sticks, the clouds went by on strings, and the Pit of Conversion was a paint can. Don't ask, we never did figure out how to use the Pit of Conversion although we bought one.We also bought an archery tower which we couldn't figure out how to use. We used the bread tabs to pick up the stick figures so they didn't beat on our castle which made us lose health points (as shown in burberry and plaid, if you had too much plaid, you were getting unhealthy and soon the game would be over). I discovered if you picked the stick people up and FLUNG them off the top of the screen, when they finally landed you got more points for being more... vicious? They made this excellent splat sound regardless. Towards the end, the wheels of red plastic caps (for cap guns) would explode into a festive rainbow it you hit them just right, taking many enemies with them as well.

When I finally decided I had to go, the rain was pouring down in buckets, with no sign of slowing down. I made a mad dash for my car, soaked my jeans, filled my sandals, and had water in my hood. I got in and realized this would be my first night drive in the new car.

What an adventure! Heavy rain in the dark makes it difficult to see the stripes on the road which have either not yet been re-painted or have been indifferently painted with cheap paint that disappears whenever the road gets the slightest bit wet.

Not to mention the real-life Frogger game! The whole way home I was trying to avoid the little buggers trying to cross the road. I saw plenty who didn't make it, gross. What possesses them to cross the road in the dead of night in pouring rain is beyond me.

And then, coming carefully around a turn, coz it was also getting foggy as well, a possum ambles across the road, sees my headlights, and puts on a bit more speed.

I was glad to make it home in one piece! With dry dog treats for Riley.

My kittos were happy to see me as well, they wanted their very belated dinner!

Holy Freakin' Garden, Batman!*

*See June 22, 2008 post for comparison!

Here's the garden so far... The tomaters are taller than me, the beans are trying to take over every other plant's space, the pepper is making two peppers, the squash finally fell over the edges of the barrells, and I'm trying to train the pumpkin vine (1) to go into the compost area.

This pumpkin vine (2) has pretty much taken over the allotted area before the forsythia.

This other-side-of-the-forsythia pumpkin vine (3) is going around the corner.

This pumpkin is on (2) vine. My hand is for scale. I've NEVER had a pumpkin this big before the end of July so I'm looking forward to what it's big destiny will be!

I finally got my second pumpkin this weekend on vine (3). The fertilization gods must have smiled down on this baby. My finger is for scale.

And those never-can-remember plants out front are finally sporting some flowers.

Optimistic Commitments

As I was comtemplating my garden and my navel yesterday pre-rain storm while having a plant epiphany (it suddenly came to me that pumpkin plant leaves are actually big ass green funnels, the reason they are so wide and have that notch by their stem is so they can catch rain and direct the water to stream down the stem to the rootlets the vine puts down because there is no way in hell the original root ball is going to be able to take care of the miles of vine they put out), I realized that having my three cats is a valiant show of optimism.

What I mean is, having a pet means you are positively expecting to live long enough to take care of them and have them predecease you. Now I don't mean to dwell on their dying before me, but I've made the commitment that I will be here to take care of them for the duration of their nine lives.

I am their momma and I'm expecting to be here for them.

Hobbes is 11, Doodle is 8, and Moomin is 2. When Hobbes is 20, I will be 47. When Doodle is 20, I will be 50. When Moomin is 20, I will be 56.

The sheer optimism of this blew me away yesterday. It just never occurred to me. I never thought about it, taking the three of them for granted. Shame on me. I guess parents feel this much more intensely.

Sure I make tentative plans a couple weeks ahead of time, my job has me plan a month ahead, and I just bought a new car. Yes I look forward to coming home, to the weekend, to holidays, to time with friends, to new books, and to other things that don't happen right away.

But making the commitment to say yes to having a pet is more serious than that. It means you are expecting to watch over their health and well being and it's going to be YOU.

So having marveled that I could be so optimistic and how much they add to my life, the pendulum then swung the other way and I engaged in some major pessimism by trying to figure out who would care for my kittos if I wasn't here. That made me majorly depressed and I had to go take a deep reading break to get my mind off of the subject.

After giving each furry kid a kiss and telling them I loved them dearly.

Peas and Brownies

My next door neighbor is FINALLY home! YEAH!

I don't have to water her plants anymore.

So about 3-4 weeks ago she asked me if I would water her garden, her landscaping, and her porch/deck plants while she was away on vacation.

Immediately I hear the knee-jerk reaction voice inside my head yell "NO, I can barely keep up with my own garden, landscaping, and other high maintenance plants!"

But the pleasant neighborly coming-out-of-my-mouth voice said "sure, just so you know there might be a few losses. Show me what you want watered." She said she was fine if something didn't make it.

She showed me around and left the next day. The first week and a half I managed to water every other day, sometimes once every two days. Then I hit a really busy patch at work and it got hot and stayed hot and I got super cranky and came home tired from work and quite frankly I really wasn't doing a consistent job with watering my stuff and I forgot to water hers for about 4-5 days in a row.

When the guilt and obligation got too much for me, I dragged my unhappy ass out to her yard and discovered her dahlias were SUPER unhappy with me. They were all drooping forward over their mini gates and some had even slipped under the gates. Her veggie garden on the other hand was SUPER happy, everything was tall, fat, and taking over each other's spaces.

I gave everything a good soaking, even the fat and happy garden, but especially the dahlias. They got watered 3 times. Then I tried to straighten them out and get them propped back up again. In the process of doing that I managed to break at least three of them. So then the original guilty feeling of neglect was compounded by actual accidental plant murder. Great. Let's just say I was back on track with the every other day or two of watering.

Yesterday I got home from work and my neighbor was walking around her yard taking a survey. I showed her my boo-boos and apologized. She said she was thrilled to see everything and amazed at her veggie garden and pointed out the huge sunflower she hadn't known about. I said I thought it was supposed to be there. She laughed and said I could have the pick of her garden, just tell her what I wanted, and she had something for me.

I told her that I'd been eyeing her peas so she said she'd pick me a baggie full and leave it for me on my stoop. Then she went in and came back out with a tiny sampler of Simply Divine Brownies as a thank you. I told her she shouldn't have and she said she wanted to.

I'm going to have the peas for lunch tomorrow and I had a brownie tonight with milk. YUM!

I Got It! Got My FIT!

Finally!

Isn't it's snaggle-tooth grin the cutest thing ever?

Isn't this the cutest car butt ever?

My new cute car makes me look cute too!

I bought my car today! And I certainly got a crash course in getting to know the newbie! Driving it home, it rained the whole way. Nothing like having to juggle new car vibes, new windshield wiper set up, new back windshield wiper that have never dealt with before, defrost, lights, whole new dashboard, and seating. But she handles great, has TONS more chutzpah than my old car, and she's fun to drive. I already showed her off to my parents. Now to just see my co-workers drool over her. Sigh.

I have lots of room left over in my garage. Who knew a four-door would be smaller than my old two-door?

Incredibly Sheddy

Update: photo put in!

I've been brushing my three kittos every other day in a vain attempt to stem the tide of shedding fur. I'm losing. Everything in the house has a layer of cat fur instead of dust. The gremlins under the bed have enough to make their own cat if they were interested in doing so, but they're more interested in driving me crazy by hiding my stuff.

Hobbes and Moomin adore being Safari-combed (pictured above). Doodle on the other hand makes me follow her around the house and then after about 5 minutes, she does this back twitch to let me know if I continue, she's gonna whip around any second to grab and bite the shit out of me. Moomin does the same thing only he attacks the comb after awhile. I've developed a tri-universal technique that works for all three cats in different ways. I hold a left-over plastic cable tie over their heads. Hobbes likes to rub his face on it while I comb him. Moomin will rub his face, grab it, or bite it and it serves as a suitable distraction from the comb which I do not allow him to play with or attack. Doodle will play with it, but again, her attention span and tolerance are MUCH shorter than the boyz and I have to watch for the "zooy look" which again means if I don't stop I'm gonna get grabbed and bit real fast.

I basically Safari-comb a small two-week-old-kitten-sized ball of fur from each of them each time. The tape dispenser in the picture is for size comparison! Imagine the ginormous hairballs they'd be trying to ingest if I wasn't combing them. As it is, Doodle yarfed up the mother of all hairballs last night. Holy moly. No wonder she yarfed up her snack, that damn hairball was the size of my thumb which is bigger then the size of her tummy!

Today I took Moo and Doo to their annual check-up at the vet. I let them know this morning they were going and as soon as the words were out of my mouth, Doodle slunk out of the room and did not come out to get her job or say goodbye to me. Then when I came home after work to get them, Moomin and Hobbes greeted me but Doodle was nowhere to be found. She KNEW and stayed hidden, praying I wouldn't find her. Moomin jumped right in one of the carrying cases and I zipped him in. I found Doodle in an unreachable position under my bed. So I did a bad thing. I tricked her into coming out by shaking the treat container. Oooh was she mad when I popped her in the other case. She howled the whole way to the vet. I tried to reassure her that she was not going to get anymore shaved spots or any blood taken. I did NOT mention the shot she was getting.

Anyway, Dr. W checked her out first and stated she looks good and squeezed her innards "which felt good". After getting poked and prodded and pried, Doodle got her shot, leaped back into her case, and dug herself under her blanket. Moomin climbed up on Dr. W's shoulder after she weighed him and launched himself onto me while she was notating. She said he's quite the acrobat. I said he certainly was along with living up to his nickname "Sir Chompsalot". Dr. W laughed and laughed. While she was shining the light into Moo's eyes, she told him he had very beautiful eyes. He didn't even notice he got a shot. He's so oblivious at times.

At the end of their appointment, I was covered in fur. I could barely see the color of my shirt.

Back to the Safari-comb.

I gave them all treats after they got out of the cases. It was the least I could do for tricking my smarty party girl.

Two Fabulous Evenings

Evening No.1

I wanted to go see "Wanted" again (it was so fast, this time I could see things I missed the first time around) and I wanted to go OUT. So I called J's daughter, M, to see what she was doing on a Friday evening. She said she'd be out for a couple of drinks. I asked how late she'd be out and she said "a couple of drinks usually means til 1am". I laughed and asked I could join her and her boyfriend after the movie ended. She said sure. So I spent the next hour getting ready. Not for the movie, but for going OUT. So many decisions. I really miss the times J and I lived together. It was great having a friend around, getting ready together, making sure your clothes and make-up were fine and not going to put you on the receiving end of being made fun of. It was hard putting together an outfit that was subtly sexy but not screaming "I'm alone at the movie theater, try to pick me up" or "Check out this poor-going-by-herself-to-the-movies chick". I finally landed on a tightish pair of jeans, black belt, black platform sandals, and a black zipped shirt. I wore my hair in a loose twist for the movie, betting on the hair products keeping the wavy curls made by the clip once I got to the venue and took the clip out (which worked by the way). My make-up went on smoothly except for some mascara issues which always happen. I hopped in my car, arrived at the movie theater, stood up straight and walked confidently (and trying to be somewhat mysterious), got my ticket, and watched my movie. First one out the door and back to my car, drove to the local venue, saw that M's car was there, and proceeded to do the "just looking for my friend" act. I found her and thus began a very fun evening full of laughs and chat. I think some guy may have been checking me out, not sure so I had to ask M. She said most likely he was checking me out as I caught him looking at me three times. I told her I had to ask coz it has been a VERY long time since I've been out and about and checked out. I saw one of J's old flames at the end of the evening. We reminisced. I drove home, fed the kitties their snack, fed myself a snack (missed dinner I was so busy getting ready), and fell fast asleep.

Evening No.2

Today J2 called to see if I still wanted to see "Wall*E". I said yes and she said that if her husband could get TJ to nap, she'd bring him to pick me up to see the 4:30pm show. This would be his very first big screen movie experience and she wasn't sure how it would go, but if he napped we had more chance of it being successful. TJ napped and I could tell he was in a good mood when they got to my house. We drove to the theater and J2 said she'd talked to TJ about what seeing a movie was like. TJ waited in line great, I gave him the tickets to hold, J2 held her breath and TJ didn't even look or ask for any refreshments, he asked if there were any elevators as we went down the hallway which we were able to reassure him that there were none, and we opened the door of the theater. TJ was a little nervous of the floor lighting but once we turned the corner and he got a load of the screen, he was in silent awe. We sat down with him between us, watched one preview, watched the Pixar cartoon (which was awesome), and then the movie started. There were a couple times the movie was too loud and he had to cover his ears (EVE liked to blow shit up), or it got too dark, or the action lagged a bit, or a scene got just a tad too scary and TJ would say "I don't want to watch this movie anymore". J2 and I were always ready to point out something interesting on the screen or explain something so that he quickly got back into it again. One of the funniest moments was when Wall*E and EVE were trying to say each other's names and TJ sang out in a clear loud voice "HE'S WALL*E!!!". Thank goodness it was a kid's movie, coz that loud singing out happened more than a couple times. After the movie finished and we were walking out, I asked him how he liked his very first movie. TJ said "it was great". Out in the lobby he zoomed over to the refreshments and asked for popcorn. We got him the small bag coz he did such a great job. He held onto that bag all the way out to the car he was so thrilled. J2 got a very cute sound/video bite on her cellphone of TJ answering questions about his first movie experience while he held his popcorn bag with two hands and grazed off the top. We then went to Ruby Tuesdays for dinner and afterwards walked the market around the corner from my house for old-fashioned ice-cream treats which we ate as an ice-cream picnic on my drive-way. TJ had to problem solve how to eat his ice-cream, it was one of those with the wooden pik and frozen solid. By the time he was done, he had ice-cream up to his hairline and down the front of his shirt. TJ waved goodbye out the window the entire time J2 was pulling out.

I had such a good time.

You Don't See That Every Day

And I haven't ever in the 17 years I've been living here.

Except finally today.

I saw my first MOOSE!!!!!

I can't really count the fleeting glimpse of midnight moose butt several years ago as my first sighting because it was so quick and blurry. But this morning definitely counts.

I was on my way to a rather far away meeting with a client when the client's mother waved in the direction of the left side and said "isn't that a fabulous fake moose over there?"

I turned to take a look, realized she was very wrong, and said loudly "that's no fake, that's the real deal!"

We both turned and stared as long as safely possible in a moving vehicle that one of us was driving. Of course, neither of us had a camera.

The she-moose (she didn't have a rack on her head, so we figured she was a girl) was standing in a grassy vacant lot between two businesses back from the side of the very highwayish street we were driving on. She had her head up sniffing the wind, watching traffic, and soaking up the morning sun (it was around 8am). When we picked up my supervisor, my supervisor said the moose come out of the forest/boggy areas they live in early in the morning and at dusk to escape the hoards of mosquitos and lick the salt off the roads. Well, our moose seemed very relaxed and happy to maybe have several mosquitos around her rather than a cloud. As for licking the road or side of the road, she wasn't making any moves to do that when we passed her, but who knows about afterwards. She was gorgeous tho. I know moose are not the most attractive animals, but she was the color of melted chocolate, shiny in the sun, and just had a confident calm charisma about her. And she was HUGE, bigger than a pick-up truck.

So I've officially been welcomed to Maine. It's taken 17 years, but I've finally seen my first Maine moose.

A New Summer Favorite

And just in time too! I'm going to have squash coming out of my ears this summer.

My mom found me this "The Home Garden Cookbook" (by Ken and Pat Kraft) at the booksale and pointed out several squash recipes. I tried one of them tonight and it ROCKED!

Isn't your mouth just watering at this point?

I couldn't stop eating them!

I have to admit. I didn't think I would enjoy squash any other way then the way I usually make it - saute it down until both the squash and onions are completely carmelized. But since this first attempt turned out so delicious, I will be trying several others. Here's today's success...

Skillet Squash

"A milk infusion seems particularly adapted to summer squash. We have used this recipe for zucchini [gag] also, and it would probably work as well with patty pan." - Ken and Pat Kraft (gag courtsey of Slambo)

4 medium-sized yellow squashes cut into 1/2 inch slices
Milk
1/2 cup flour
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
4 Tsp butter

*Optional - I added Mrs. Dash's Onion&Herb and from it's tasty goodness, I think you could basically add any other seasoning you like.

*Optional 2 - Parmesan Cheese - I added this to the top of the squash about 5 minutes before taking them out of the pan. Mmm mmm mmm good.

-Put squash slices in a bowl, cover them with milk, and steep for 30 minutes

-Drain well.

-Mix flour, salt, and pepper (and other seasoning of choice, experiment, go wild!).

-Put the mixture in a strong white paper bag (I found the plastic bag cereal comes in completely handy for this coz I don't know anyone who just happens to have a white paper bag waiting to be used!)

-Put in half of the squash slices.

-Hold bag closed and shake it up and down a few times to coat squash with mixture.

-Repeat with rest of squash.

-Melt butter in a large skillet. Note: butter should be completely melted and bubbly (not burning) before going to next step. The book recipe doesn't say this, but my second batch was far better than my first coz the pan was hot.

-Add floured squash slices and cook over low heat for about 20 minutes, turning slices over at the 10 minute mark.

-They should be golden brown when done. Note: if you like a little extra crisp, I found you can add another 10 minutes (5 each side) safely without burning as long as your butter isn't. That would be the time to add the Parmchz if you want.

They say this recipe serves 4 but I have to warn you, not all of them are gonna make it to the table. I was eating them as they finished and only have one helping left for lunch tomorrow.

Enjoy! I know I did and will be again, many times!

Where Lawnmowers Go To Die...

or have a REALLY long rest. Or become part of the Lawnmower Repair Guy's collection, like Bluebeard. Sorry the pictures are small and blurry. I was trying very hard to not get caught taking them. I called today and my mower was ready for take off. So while I was "hallooing" for assistance, I was snapping quick, and now I see blurry, pics. And really, they do NOT do this place justice at all. Well, when I have to get my blades resharpened at the end of the summer, I will try again. If you do click on them for a bigger view, you will get a muddled impression of many mowers, sort of like sleeping medication is acting up and things get all multiplied coz you can't see straight.

This is one side of the view heading towards what I believe is the "shop". I have no idea how one gets in, but there is a tiny path threading to some sort of door-like set up.

This is a down and dirty snap of the other side of the thready path.

And this is when the lady "hallooed" me back and I had to take the last one as I headed back out to her.

I've got my hand push mower back, it sounds ferocious and ready to take some grass down.

And it only cost $25.

Downgraded I Am

The cable guy came today to install the filter. I left work for two hours to be available during his "window of availability". Turns out he did and gone before I got home and when I called at 2:30pm, the customer service guy had me check my limited repertoire of channels to make sure A) the filter works and B) they didn't accidentally disconnect me.

I'm down to 14 channels

I feel like I'm missing a limb.

Oooh how I'm gonna miss that limb.

I'm not looking forward to the withdrawal period or the phantom pains. Media is a drug.

I just have to keep remembering my mantra - "saving money with more time to read".

Okay, deeeeeeeeep breath, let it out... and think of the $40+ I will be saving each month. And another deeeeep breath.

PS: I have two bonus channels that come in black and white and slightly fuzzy - a sports channel and Disney. Just my luck. Two more channels I don't want. Well, at least I'm not paying for them.

Next week The Closer starts. Damnit. Stop thinking. Breath.

Mom, I'll be comin' over for this show and Project Runway on the weekends if you TiVo them, please? Hope you don't mind?

My Mini Doctah Jones Adventure

So I'm watering my newbie plants.

In my bare feet trying to avoid the large and in charge juicy-ass ants that seem to be taking over the world nowadays.

As I'm on my way to fill up another watering can full of water, I hear a skittering next to the house. I look but don't see anything at first, but I still hear some skittering and it sounds animal-like as opposed to a dry leaf blowing across the driveway.

Then I notice movement in the basement window well. I peer thru the plastic cover and discover a small black snake trying it's damnedest to find it's way out and getting pretty darn close to finding his way into my dryer hot air hose.

I lift the plastic cover and the snake is a smart one. He manages to get up over the edge and continues his way along the house. He gets to my one step stoop which puzzles him for a moment.

At this point I'm just interested in watching him. I really don't mind snakes like Indy does. Get me around bees and wasps and I will pull an Indy snake-in-the-plane fit.

Finally the snake makes a choice. The WRONG choice which forces me to take some stunt man action.

He decides he is going to go up the inside of the trim around my door.

I decide this is highly inappropriate and I'm not allowing this. I pull him out by his tail.

He turns around and quickly heads back up into the trim.

I quickly yank him out again.

He gets pissed and lunges at me. And coils himself up like you see pissed off rattlers on those Animal Planet shows. And lunges a couple more times.

I'm no where near him. I'm NOT stupid (although I appear to be sometimes, when it counts I'm not). So while he's busy keeping a close angry eye on me, I'm busy trying to find something to assist him with moving along and staying out of my door trim.

I use one of the small booksale signs I didn't use for the sale to try to coax him but he transfers his lunging biting maneuvers to the sign. Fine by me.

I get him over the stoop onto the other side where he makes a lightening attempt to go up inside that side's trim at which point I promptly pull his ass out yet again.

He's SUPER pissed with me now and divides his attention between the water hose, the booksale sign, and me, lunging and biting.

I had to laugh at him acting all "big and stuff", he seriously looked like a mini rattler minus the rattle. He was doing that coily thing and his head was all flattened out like cats when they put their ears back to hiss.

I explained to him that under no circumstances was I going to allow him up in the trim nor was he going to get a chance to bite me, so he better make the best of things and go enjoy himself under the cool of the hostas.

Which he finally did.

I hope he sticks around, he's good for the garden, eating slugs and bugs and all.

Just as long as he stays away from the dryer hose and the door trim.

This and That, Tids and Bits

I still don't have my handpush lawn mower back. Seems the repair guy has a "slowness" issue. Last Wednesday I finally had to borrow my neighbor's mower coz my grass was getting too too out of control. Hah, what grass? Let me amend the previous statement... my crop of clover, violets, some kind of fuzzy leaved plant, somethings ugly and spiny, and the four different versions of what I believe to be crabgrass all mixed together with dozens of anthills in the front yard and good grass making a sincere effort to disappear was getting too too out of control. If I don't get my mower back soon I may have to Plan A: borrow someone's mower or go to Plan B: shop around and find an electric-powered mower to purchase. Once the handpush mower is ready, I will be taking pictures of the place I dropped it off at. It's a veritable mower cemetary. Lawn mowers as far as the eye can see, well, until they hit the tree line. But that ruins my verbal effect. Mowers everywhere you look then. I'm pretty sure they go there to die, or us owners just never get them back/give up/leave them there. Or else this guy has a mower hoarding issue. I'm on the fence. The place where I got my mower recommended them. Hmmm. I still have my nice professional looking claim ticket. And I've talked to them directly on the phone several times. So I know this is a place of business. Unless it's a cover for collecting mowers from innocent dupes like me. We'll see. I'll keep you posted.

I found a new word...

Traffucked

Good one, isn't it? It means you are so stuck in traffic you ain't getting to your destination ANY time soon. Appropriate for this weekend. Here's to you avoiding being traffucked!

I'm happy to report Moomin and Hobbes' bowels are back to normal. Doodle on the other hand is still dealing with some poopie issues. Let's just say it veers between loose poop somewhat-in-turd form and diarrhea. I'm out of ideas. I've changed the litter completely out and scrubbed all three cat boxes thoroughly.

My garden is going fine. I will be able to pick squash by mid to end of next week. I should pick my green pepper soon. The front something-or-other-named plants in front are getting taller every day. The moonflower is about a foot up the black garden post. And I planted 6 new plants called globe flowers today after work. I thought I lost one of them, but it seems to have come back from the almost-dead. I will have to be very careful with it from here on out.

I tried two new recipes this week. One was a super delicious fiasco. I made my own version of Chinese dumplings. Next time I need to use a non-stick pan. I thought my Jamie Oliver pan was non-stick, but I was OH SO wrong. Basically the dumplings came out great in the putting-them-together process, but actually cooking them was a disaster. Instead of dumplings I had sausage meatballs mixed with noodle casings. Delicious, but a disaster. The second recipe was a different take on Tuna Casserole. It's good but could stand some tweaking. I was highly disturbed to find I accidently bought the wrong tuna format. It came out of the bag as a filet. GAG. GAG. GAG. Let's just say I don't think I've ever worked that fast in the kitchen before to reduce something to flakes, thrown into the casserole, and shoved in the oven to bake. GAG. Why Tuna Casserole then? Supreme comfort food that Mom made when we were kiddos. If the tuna is small enough, I don't have an issue cooking or eating it, but just for casserole purposes. I do NOT eat it any other way. GAG. And to actually have to handle a big honking filet of it smelling the way it does... GAGGAGGAG!!!

I have a book sale to go to tomorrow. I will be there bright and early with my bagel and OJ. I'm always first in line at this one. I gotta get my books before the Book Predator. God I dislike that man. He always comes with a big box so that he can just grab entire sections of my favorite subjects. I've checked his box, no rhyme or reason. That makes me anxious. He could grab something I want. And he's scruffy, unshaven, disheveled, baggy dirty pants, and he's just a thorough Book Predator. I can't see that he CARES for books. Ugh. My book nemesis.

Speaking of books, I've decided to downgrade my cable to basic. This means instead of 65 channels (of which I have 10 that I watch outside of the regular channels of ABC, NBC, CBS, Fox, and CW), I will be down to 14. The ones I mentioned in the parenthesis and 9 other useless channels I don't watch (like the Canadian French, TV guide, two local cable TV, PBS - sorry, a ridiculous channel with bizarro selections, one with constant paid programs, and two others that I have no clue about). But instead of $59/month, it will be $11/month. Cheaper as is needed nowadays. I sure wish they would let us pick our channels. My co-worker said cable companies don't like to do that as they make more money offering package deals of channels. I told him they are losing money with me but if they offered me channel choice, they'd make some of that money back. Whatever. More time to read, tho I will miss The Closer's new season, Forensic Files (I love that narrator's voice), reruns of SVU, DinersDriveInsAndDives, random movies I missed in the theater and have been too lazy to try to rent, and the new crop of paranormal shows that are on various channels I will no longer be getting. Maybe Mom will TiVo The Closer and I can come over on a weekend day and watch it. Or watch a whole slew of them in one go.

What do you say, Mom?

Poop Explosion Weekend is SO Over

Believe me when I tell you that dealing with three cats who all have explosive diarrhea at the same time is NOT. A. FUN. experience.

It started out innocuously with Doodle, as reported earlier last week. Her sample came out negative by the way. Still no word on the blood.

Then Friday evening I noticed Hobbes having issues with sharts and liquid from his ass.

Then late Friday night I noticed Moomin had a schmear on his bloomers and was yodelling more then usual when he went potty.

Then it hit me, they were all going potty in the box and having diarrhea.

It was a veritable POOP EXPLOSION FROM HELL!!! I was in hell, a smelly trigger-your-gag-reflex hell. The cats weren't even bothering to dig holes or bury anything. They would just cop a squat and let go. Mostly in the boxes but there were a few drips over the edge especially when they started to run out of room or needed to go RIGHT that second.

I cleaned the box twice Friday night before I went to bed.

I was awakened at 3am on Saturday by somefurrybody vomiting 3 times, HUGE vomits. I cleaned that up and it smelled just like the box's business. Gag. Then once the sun came up, Doodle tried to go potty, came out without doing anything, yarfed some more smelly vomit, and then immediately went to the box to basically yarf from her butt. I'm thinking she had tummy cramps so bad they made her nauseous, you know, like what happens to us humans?

Saturday morning I scooped liquid poo. Saturday afternoon I scooped liquid poo. Saturday night I scooped liquid poo.

I tried to be a forensic detective Saturday. There had to be a common thread. Obviously it wasn't the food, they all eat different food. The vet gave me 4 cans of prescription wet food for Doodle and Hobbes/Moomin's wet food dates all checked out. It couldn't be Doodle's thyroid coz they all had diarrhea. What else did they have in common besides being indoor cats living in the same house and shitting in the same boxes?

Water.

I've been getting water from my friend J2's house, they live on a lake and have filtered water. This arrangement has been working fine since Moomin's bladder issues this past fall. But I'm wondering if there was a bad batch. I store the water where I come in and I think the sun may have tweaked the water to give them all the squirts. So to rule out the water theory, I emptied the water bowls, replaced the bowls with new bowls, filled them with my new Brita-filtered water, scrubbed the water fountain and changed it's water, and...

the hardest part, I had the cats fast for 24 hours.

Trust me, scooping liquid poo is much easier.

Saturday night I had to listen to "where's our bedtime snack?" repeatedly.

Sunday morning I had to listen to "where's our breakfast?" for two straight hours.

Luckily, I had a project to do at my parents so I could escape the nonstop "where's our breakfast, aren't you going to feed us, where's our food, are you going into the kitchen, what's that you have, are you going to get my food out of the fridge, we're hungry, why aren't you feeding us, what's the deal, can't you see we're starving?"

I spent most of my day away and when I came home, it was the same spiel only with dinner substituted for b-fast. I futzed around outside taking pictures of my garden for as long as I could before getting eaten by mosquitos, came in and blogged, and then settled in with a book. Things kind of calmed down but every time I moved or shifted, the whole hungry Bambi eyes deal would start up again.

Finally I fed them at 7pm, but no bedtime snack. Gotta start slow.

In the boxes this morning were 4 solid good-sized pee clumps. No poops.

The kiddos were fed their regular breakfasts and when I came home after work, I scanned the boxes and did not see any visible evidence of anything.

So here's hoping things are back to normal, poop that is.

Garden 2008

So here's this year's garden. Two of my three pumpkin plants are over in the bed directly behind my house, only one is in the other raised bed. Click on it for larger view to actually see what's in the beds.

I'm not sure I've ever seen a pumpkin plant that grows straight up. I keep waiting for it to lay down. No the jugs are not holding it up.

My wee little pepper plant has a wee little pepper. Dad told me the plant stem gets very strong and "not to worry" about the pepper bending the plant to the ground.

I actually have 4 tiny squash, but to avoid being redundant, here's one set of the four.

One of my tomato plants has flowers.

These are those plants (supposed to grow about 5 feet high) that my mom said have red flowers that look like cardinals.

Little Nikko Blue hydrangea.

And the moonflower. I keep trying to encourage it to grow around the black post, but it keeps wanting to stretch towards the deck stairs.

I Done Did Bought a Fit

Sport that is. Red.

Pictures curtsey of Honda.com.

I'm too excited for words.

I did this on my own, well with an assistance call to Mom who was fortunately home and gave me some pointers on how to get more for my trade-in. Which I was able to do semi-successfully.

Totally not what I expected to do today. I had it in my mind that I was just going for a test drive while my car got an oil change and tune-up. Then I was going to visit the consignment shop and maybe EddieBauer.

Nope. I was meant to have this car and I bought it.

It will be coming in a month.

I called Gpa and he's thrilled for me. Now he's going to go test drive one himself. He asked me to send him pics of me with my...

Fresh brand-spankin' shiny roomy new little red car.

Look What Happened To Doodle!

She's been SHAVED!!! On her pretty white bib. When I took her to the vet today, I did not expect this to happen. She had some extreme diarrhea this morning so I scheduled to bring her in after work. They asked me to bring them a sample and I told them not to worry, it's been isolated and ready to bring over. So I get home and the sample has been fermenting in my pseudomudroom. So nice and fragrant. The "cat" vet (who is super nice and smart) told me that she doesn't see or feel anything wrong but due to Doodle's age, it might be hyperthyroidism. She told me to keep an eye on her to see if she increases what she eats. I had to explain to Dr. W that Doodle doesn't get a chance to free range and eat whatever, so I have no way to tell coz she gets a certain amount for b-fast, a certain amount for dinner, a sprinkle for bedtime snack, and no more. After some discussion, we decided to have blood drawn to rule hyperthyroidism out and coz Doodle is of the age (8) where the vet should have a baseline. The vet whisked Doodle away, the technician brought her back, I paid, and came home. I had no idea they shaved a two inch square until she lifted her head to my hand to give me an "I forgive you" head butt.

I like the effect of this one, like sun's whiskers on Doodle with her whiskers.

Hobbes all handsome in the sun and not hissing at Doodle for once, even tho she smells all vettish and alcoholish and scary.

Miss B profilin' with Moomin.

See the eyes in the background?

Today/Tomorrow

Today:

One of my friends networked on my behalf.

I squeezed some fund-drippings from the rock that is the State.

My cats ate their meals without incident.

I took the plunge and wrote an exorbitant check for a pre-paid oil plan.

I learned how to spell "exorbitant".

I called DTV and was able to give my Gpa the date his coupon will be mailed.

No watering of the garden/plants was needed.

My friend J2 called before work to talk and make tentative plans.

Tomorrow:

Is the full moon.

Is the end of Mercury Retrograde.

It will rain some more (fine by my garden+plants).

I will have another lunch of CrockPot CatNip.

Is one day closer to Book Sale set up.

(I'm practically frothing in the brain at the mere thought of being in an entire gymnasium full of books!!!)

So Here's Hoping...

Mercury Retrograde will not negatively effect my:
1) newly planted pumpkin plants
2) newly planted donated Nikko Blue hydrangea
3) newly planted moonflower
4) newly planted something or others that have flowers that resemble cardinals
5) newly planted tomato plants
6) newly planted lone pepper plant
7) newly seeded green bean suprise.

All day Saturday I weeded my back of the house landscape garden. The weeds had proliferated so badly they were taking over and I could no longer see dirt. And, man, were they ugly-ass weeds too. So it was with some major hostility displacement and vengeful satisfaction that I dug their butts up and dumped them where they will NOT be happy which is a pile of weedbegone in the back of my neighbor's house that she kindly lets me use to make weeds and other non-wanted growing crap disappear. I also emptied two of my compost bins - meaning I dug out about 1 to 1.5 feet of wet slimy decomposing dark stuff that had some semblence to leaves which was many-wheel barrows full transported to the newly weeded beds and then dug out the remaining 2 feet or so of fresh new mulchy dirt and wheel barrowed that on top of the slimy stuff. Needless to say, it was an Aleve of an evening. I also got to eat at Mom and Dad's - some homemade Potstickers. YUM!

Sunday I was all set to max and relax in my PJs with books and cats coz it was raining. Unbeknownst to me that is the perfect weather for gardening and Mom was on her way over. So I had to drag some clean gardening clothes on, find a sort of waterproof jacket and hat, tromp outside, and dig up the remaining compost bin for dirt for the three pumpkin mounds. Let me tell you, I have never seen earthworms that big. They were the size of gummy worms. I put the slimy layer (which was giving off steam) in one of the other compost bins to start up some more dirt and had enough newly made dirt to make three mounds. Mom got to my place at that point with more plants (the above mentioned numbers 2, 4, 6, and 7). She also had fertilizer, Epsom salts (for the tomato plants), and surprise bean seeds in her pocket. So I ended up gardening in the rain and taking more Aleve after she left. The backs of my thighs were screaming. Haven't felt like that since my soccer days. I treated Dad to a Blizzard for Father's Day.

Today I made an appointment to test drive a Honda Fit Sport on Friday while my car gets an oil change and her battery cleaned. Fingers crossed I like it coz if I don't, that means I'm back to the drawing board and I don't wanna be there.

Gpa left me a message asking me to call him. I did and he said his DTV coupon hasn't arrived yet and he wants me to call them to find out when he's supposed to get it because "they talk too fast for him to understand them". After about 5 minutes of me shouting for a number, any number, confirmation number, coupon number, identification number, reference number, I got a number and then I spent 5 more minutes trying to figure out what type of number it was so I don't make an ass of myself on the phone when I call. Stroke apraxia can be frustrating for both parties. He couldn't say the word the number was and I can't process quickly-spelled-out-loud words so to say we both got miffed was an understatement. But once we got it all figured out we were fine. He said he had some company over the weekend and the dogs went so crazy with barking the fat one couldn't breathe and had to choke-cough repeatedly. That must have been a treat and a half. He can't hear very well in the first place and to have those two dogs non-stop barking while the company is trying to have a conversation with Gpa, I'm rather glad I missed that. I had enough excitement when the oxygen guy came while I was there.

I Thought Things Were Gonna Go Better...

So May sucked ass and I was really hoping June would be better. Glad I didn't bet any money on that coz June is running a very close second to the suckiness that was May.

Good things:

-My squash are planted and happy little boogers. Now I just need to get my pumpkins from Mom's, hopefully this weekend.

-My forsythia have all just gotten so big and unpathetic this year. Yea!

-The white pine pollen doesn't seem to be tripping my allergy alarm system like the past two years (no live things crawling around under my skin feelings and I've not finished a box of tissue in a few months, that's a big difference).

-I got some new RipStop shorts from EddieBauer that are wear-to-workable, comfortable, and great!

-My mom is happy at her job and she has tiny little arms (I'm so jealous).

-I can't wait to make the crock pot recipe again.

-And I'm car shopping. (Which is nice and exciting in one way, but smarmy salemen make it not so nice in other ways.)

Bad things:

-Much stress and crisis control associated with work continues.

-Hobbes threw up his entire breakfast this AM and also tried to go to the bathroom 5x before I got him to the vet's (his pooper is fine, his bladder was empty but slightly harder than the vet thinks is normal, so I'm to keep an eye on him for possible bladder infection, will these boy issues never end?).

-I have to cut the grass with my non-motorized push mower. Now while I've been on the GoGreen bandwagon with this mower since before the gas crisis and I actually like using it, it does not do a SUPER efficient job. So my yard will be slightly scraggily this summer. Oh well and who cares, not gonna pay outrageous gas prices to mow my little neigborhood lawn.

-I'm finding dog poop in my yard and when I finally catch them, someone's gonna need new ears and possibly new clothes.

-On a related note, somefurrybody has been scooting and leaving poopschmears on several carpets and pieces of furniture. Can you say ick and gross and STOP that right now!?

-The weather has been freakishly hot and humid and if there is one thing I DO NOT tolerate well is weather that resembles being in someone's mouth for 4 days straight.

-The ticks are huge and big and everywhere, EVERYWHERE!!

-I'm worried about Gpa.

-I'm finding it harder and harder to just get up in the morning during the week. And I'm finding I'm staying in my PJs far too long on the weekend days.

-My dad wants me to try one car and I don't like it's looks and I hate being oppositional with my parents.

So, enough kevetching. My friend J told me that she has tracked the full moon for years (one is coming up soon) and found that in addition to the kiddos at the preschool reacting negatively to the full moon's regular cycle, she found that every now and then there was a BAD two months where everything for everyone seemed to go to hell in a handbasket. And it's that time in the cycle she's plotted. I just talked with her recently and she and her family members are all having an extremely difficult time, as well as other people around her. I wonder if it's Mercury Retrograde... Hold on let me check... Yep, Mercury Retrograde started May 26 and ends June18. Of course things sucked before the 26, so Mercury must have been doing a pre-show treat. Some treat. Hopefully after this full moon, positivity is headed our way.

Dot Dogs, Tick'n Guts, and Fat Boy Frappes

I was invited tonight to go to a drive-in with the friend/co-worker (C) who drove me to the airport, her hubby (C2), her daughter (g), another friend (S) and her daughter (k).

The drive-in is called Fat Boy and you have to "turn on your lights for service". Poor carhops tonight had to serve in the rain. Poor customers in their foggy cars. We ate inside coz our party was too big to fit in one car - four grown-ups, two toddlers, and ketchup. Yeah, I'm glad we were inside.

Food's cheap. I guess people really like their burgers, fried haddock rolls, and hot dogs. Not me. I had the crispy chicken fingers, cheese sticks, some onion rings, and a frappe. Treat day today! I am SOOOO going to pay for this meal tonight as my body is going to make me sorry I ate all that grease and fatty food. But it was good for the soul because I was with excellent company instead of hermitting at home.

Because 'g' is only two, she was full of pep and she bounced like Tigger in the booth, thoroughly irritating the couple next to us. C apologized but the sphincter-lady said "if I jumped like that, my father would have benched me." After they left, S said she should have told the lady that her father benching her was the root of all her problems. I said it's a drive-in after all, they should have stayed in their cars if they didn't want to be bothered by other customers. The next couple was more tolerant and they laughed just as heartily as we did when 'g' got very excited about the train. 'g' stood straight up in the booth, opened her mouth wide, loudly yelled "TRAIN", and had her little fists up in the air shaking them like a frenzied politician when it tooted directly behind the restaurant.

I asked the other grown-ups if they thought Fat Boy would make the Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dives cut. S said she "loves that show" and when I said I was crushin' on Guy, both C and S had hysterics. C said she thought Fat Boy should be on the show. Then we dished about which episode was our favorite. Mine is the one that has the little old Southern black lady behind the counter grilling up the food who verbally smacks down people who don't know the correct ordering lingo. While S and C dealt with their respective daughters, I thought about it and came to the decision that Fat Boy wouldn't make the cut. Their food is not spectacular or unique or has any special twist to it. People mostly go because they've been going since they were little and there are memories associated with going to Fat Boy rather than the food itself. And then the prices would make any miser delighted. The place down the street, Morse Lobster Shack (another drive-in), has WAY better onion rings and I know two other places that have far better cheese sticks. The burgers I guess are sliders but they seem rather small and tasteless to me. But their frappes are delish! I got an orange cream and chocolate mix and it was heavenly. I'll give them points for their frappes.

The title of this post, by the way, is how C's daughter pronounces hot dogs and chicken nuggets.

A Poem for a Child

A rare red butterfly

Steadfast but never still

Here and then gone

Lucent as a moonbeam

Earthbound for a moment

Yet in our hearts forever

Home Again Home Again

Jiggity jig!

I went to visit my grandfather all last week. It was good to see him again.

I was exhausted before leaving, what with work and all. May was an extremely stressful and sad month and I was very glad to have an entire week with no schedule (other than the planes) and no expectations. I'd sent my toiletries, presents for Gpa, a book or two, and a project a week ahead of time via UPS and the SpaceBags allowed me to stuff a very small carry-on with plenty of clothing choices!

My friend and co-worker picked me up at my house and drove me to the airport - she got to my house at 3:45am. Yep, that's what I said, my flight was at 6:00am so I had to be there early for security purposes. I made her Spaghetti Bread and filled half her tank - she was looking forward to driving me the entire week before, mostly excited about the gas. She was very awake and cheerful. A great send-off and start to the vacation!

Strange for me, I had absolutely no trip anxiety on the way down, that's how numb I was. I didn't worry about getting to the airport on time, I didn't worry about the plane, I didn't rush like a mad person to my connection in Detroit, I didn't even crack a book the whole way there. Strange and indicative of how "not me" I was feeling.

Gpa met me in the short term parking lot and we hugged hard, we'd both missed each other very much. We didn't talk much in the car, his barely hearing ear is on the opposite side of the passenger seat and it takes much effort on my part to get him to understand what I'm saying and I just couldn't summon the energy to sustain a long conversation. Besides, I wanted him to be able to concentrate on his driving. We did get lost trying to find CiCi's but we managed to find it after much driving up, down, back, and around. It was basically a case of him having a mental picture of where CiCi's was but he couldn't find the right street to match. We did ask for directions from a very nice man who I mentally sent blessings to to have a kick-ass day after he drove off.

Back at his house, Gpa was pooped after the whole driving around deal and while he took a nap, I drove to my usual used book store up the street to stock up on vacation reading material. I found some good finds and then tooled over to the store to buy MY groceries (stuff for b-fast and lunch, OJ, skim milk, and a big jug of spring water coz his water tastes like dirt) coz his cupboard is bare except for things that should be crawling away or would kill me to eat as I don't have his food immunities.

The whole week alternated between Gpa feeling rather good and feeling pooped. Which was fine by me, I was pooped mentally and physically and finally started feeling rested by Wednesday. I made him one big meal - crockpot chuck roast in mushroom soup overnight on low and mashed potatoes - and pumpkin cookies with choc chips. We had leftovers one night, Wendy's another, then Baker's Square, and then the last night was a toss-together of plain angel hair pasta.

Making the cookies was definitely an adventure I don't want to repeat - the vanilla was older than me and unrefridgerated as well, the eggs were way past the time they should have been still in the fridge (I had to smell them to make sure they could be used), and I never figured out how old the baking powder was but I'm pretty sure they don't have that box design anymore or had it any time soon. I wasn't entirely sure whether the cookies would give either me or Gpa the shits but they turned out to be good - both in taste and easy on the gut.

I trimmed his hedges, untangled the dog leashes at least a thousand times, thoroughly cleaned his kitchen, cleaned the bathroom I use, slept in, napped, read, sat in the sun (and got Gpa to as well), doodled on his computer to fix things he wanted fixed and to find things for him (like the coupon for the converter box for digital reception), and showered him with attention. I made him cookie ice-cream shakes and loaded him up with cheap cookies.

All in all, he put me on the plane rested and ready to come back to my home and kitties. I think I may try to get out to see him the end of summer or the beginning of fall. He said he wished I could have stayed longer. I did too, but I really wanted to come home, I missed my nest. I didn't take any pictures of him this time. He was too tired for that and I would rather have pictures of him when he had more vitality. It makes me sad that he fixes his dogs better meals than he fixes himself.

I Love My Family

Aren't my parents too cute? They certainly are wonderful!

And look how handsome my four-footed brother is... He's such a treasure, Mom and Dad are lucky to have him!

Twas a Good Day on the Farm

Cole Farms and Pineland Farm that is...

J2 and I were able to spend Saturday afternoon together. I arrived at her house after a day of getting to a buttcrack of dawn rendevous out in the rain but the people never showed, buying and lugging cat food and litter around but meeting someone else at Wally World, getting a gift from the Universe at Staples (THANK YOU!), coming home to change the cat boxes, fitting a nap in there, making a pit stop to get air in tires and pick up something for Gpa before my trip, and trying to avoid all the Prom-mers.

We went to Cole Farms to eat. A total diner experience. YUM! We had to wait for a little bit and TJ decided he wanted to swing before dinner. This is my favorite of the bunch I took of him.

Of course, you have to finish off your meal with a good old-fashioned hot fudge sundae with sprinkles you get to put on yourself. J2 and I shared the Muddy Raft (picture a brownie bigger then the palm of your hand, inch thick, big scoop of vanilla ice-cream, slathered in hot fudge sauce). Heaven!

Chicken Vista! Next we visited where J2 works and got to see some farm animals.

Extreme chicken close-up! The chickens were very chatty the whole time we were by them, they would follow us around the perimeter bawcking constantly. Sort of like peepers but chickens instead.

These two little darlings only let me take about 3 shots of them, blurry coz I didn't want to scare the shit out of them with the flash. Look at those little pink snouts. Soooo cute.

Inside the barn were tons of baby cows having a early evening snack.

All of the calves wanted to lick TJ pretty badly. Every time he got close and was kinda still, out came a cow tongue to try a swipe at him. He must have smelled sweet from his sundae.

At J2's house, TJ was put to bed and the adults played Wii. Quite the experience. I suck. Let's just say if I came in 11th out of 12 for the MarioKart, I was thrilled.

Apparently I'm Neglectful

and a bad mommy.

I may be reported to the DCS - Department of Cat Services - for turning my heat off too early.

Thus forcing my youngest to huddle around the heating vent on the stove after I've finished making myself something nice for dinner.

Coz it's all about me and not catering to my feline children who are covered. in. FUR.

I believe this will be the Bambi-eyed approach Moomin will be taking when the DCS official shows up to determine if I'm still fit to keep the kits.

Truly pitiful and pathetic, isn't it? Here I am all bundled up in about three layers of clothes, wearing socks, slippers, and using blankets for TV viewing/reading in the evenings as there is no reason for the heat to be on if it's warm during the day and I come home to this... After all the pampering, feeding, scooping, vetting, playing, cleaning up after yarfs, and basically making my house into cat-heaven with all the cat trees and toys and walk-onable surfaces, not to mention making an extreme sacrifice to feed them some wet food at dinner now.


Figures.

Top 10 Heinous Current Fashions

Bonus: 70's prints/colors - totally self-explanatory, excuse me while I go bandage my eyes.

Number 10: Pit Purses - Women just aren't ready or willing to give these lovely items up yet. Seriously, if I wanted a place to store my armpit sweat, it wouldn't be a purse. What's the use of having a purse jammed directly into your pit? Oh, so pickpockets can't get into them? Well, I hate to break it to ya, they can get dollar bills out of painted-on-pants and you wouldn't know it...

Number 9: Camel Toes - This has been around for awhile, but there are still plenty of women walking around with pants two sizes too small giving us all a nice shot of the V formation the front of their pants make all because they just can't admit their true size is one that fits them appropriately.

Number 8: Hoochie Skirts - Forget about bending over to pick up anything in these, much less getting out of a car. Ditto going up/down stairs without giving your fellow humans a long look at your goodies. I think they're cute on the hanger, but having my skirt skimming the bottom of my butt cheeks now that I'm no longer in my 20's is just plain asinine. Not to mention I plan on keeping my spider veins and cellulite TO MYSELF!

Number 7: Buttcrack Pants - These are just NEVER going to GO AWAY! I'm sick and tired of the array of butt cracks I come across during the course of my day. Recently I was exposed to butt crack at an elementary school and it wasn't kid crack coz their pants were too big, it was adult crack coz their damn pants were too small!

Number 7a: Buttfloss - Usually accompanies butt crack pants, coz it isn't a full butt crack viewing experience unless you see a brightly colored piece of floss delving into the depths.

Number 6: Dresses with Pants - Who thought dresses with slacks was a good idea, thank god this is on it's way out finally.

Number 5: Boob Pucker - This started about a year ago and is now EVERYWHERE! What is this you are asking? It's that gathering of fabric between, below, or to the side of the breast areas on shirts that will allow the fabric to stretch to accomodate your boobs. Originally it was found on plus size clothing, then it morphed onto dressier T-shirts for any size that are usually cut on a bias, but it can now be found dress shirts and dresses. Nice ideal, but unfortunately in the real world, the boob pucker doesn't entirely disappear and people's eyes are drawn to the strategically placed visual cue of wrinkles between, under, and/or around your boobies. And for the A-cup women, truly a pitiful sight, talk about accentuating the negative.

Number 4: Caucafro - I'm hoping I'm the coiner of this term, but most likely someone else coined it first... this is that white teenage boy rat's nest wannabe afro coz a) he can't be bothered to ever cut his pseudo-currrly hair, b) he's trying REALLY hard to be something he's never gonna be no matter how harrrrrd he tries, or c) at some point he thinks a really strong wind will scatter his seed like dandelions. And they are constantly scratching like they have nits. In a word, fugly. Get rrrreal.

Number 3: Sausage Casing - This fashion statement will always be with us as long as there are women who insist on shoe-horning themselves into sweatpants or active wear clothes that are too tight, thus creating a set of human sausage links. Where are the T-Rexes when you need them?

Number 2: Muffin Topping - Any low rise pant will do this, even if you're considered skinny. This is when the pants cause the skin around the waist to form a roll so that when one wears tight shirts, midriff baring shirts, or just lifts up their arms, their waist looks like a muffin does when it bakes over the tin. And for some godawful reason, this super unattractive trend has been allowed to continue for years. People, where are your REAL friends and why are they letting you out of the house??!!

Number 1: Vajayjay Shorts - New, hot off the clothing presses. I've seen these shorts the last few warm days on highschoolers waiting for the bus - nice statement huh? Wonder how comfy it is sitting with the seam of your shorts wedged so far up your vajayjay, it's like a gag? Hopefully these shorts are sold with Nair coupons or a free bikini wax, coz if you've got anything wild goin' on, these shorts are gonna share it with the world!

Thriller Thursday7

In lieu of a story or excerpts... I thought I'd share what I discovered just this very day.

For my grandfather.

Being a proactive traveller, I decided to check out the local venue that carries most of the "As Seen On TV" products for the Space Bags, especially the ones for travelling. You know, to get more in a carry-on sized bag coz I'm all about having choices unlike my minimalist mother.

So I'm wandering around when all of a sudden mine eyes are attacked by...

The KING KONG of remotes!!!!! RRROOOOOWWWWRRRR!!! That being said, I took many a second, third, fourth, finally a fifth look, and damnit, I bought it for Gpa!

I got him one like mine (teeny one shown above) last visit, but I think this new Monster (sunday Sunday SUNDAY) Remote will be much better for him. He will actually be able to SEE what's on the buttons and it will be next to impossible for him to lose - at least that's what I'm gonna tell him! He doesn't have anywhere close to the million things this thing can tap into, but he will be able to operate the TV with ease!

ROAR!