My Top 10 High Schooler Summer Reads

When I was in high school, we lived in Germany, West Germany that is. Before the unification of Deutschland. Anyhoo, the high school I attended was a mix of the American and British school systems with a definite listing towards the American. The school library was so very teeny tiny... an unpleasant difference from the big huge libraries back in the States I was used to spending hours in. It was extremely difficult to get my book fix and I usually ended up re-reading favorites every season or more. So figure one book got read at least 4x/year and 5+ times a year at the most. Summers we'd visit the States and I would stock up at book stores, snapping up these favorites if I saw them. These were the books I couldn't live without (and in no particular order):

1) Crystal Singer - Anne McCaffery (science fiction): I practically memorized this book I read it so many times. I so wanted to learn how to cut crystal, have a symbiotic alien enhance my strength/endurance and make me practically immortal, and eat all the foods they craved during "the hunger". Nothing like sci-fi with a strong-willed female lead character successfully overcoming her flaws to an angst-ridden teenager, balm to the soul.

2) Windhaven - Lisa Tuttle and George R. R. Martin (science fiction): Another strong-willed female lead character successfully overcoming her flaws only this time instead of crystal cutting, it's flying. And while flying is made to sound really really alluring, I was never once tempted to want to try sky diving or hand gliding. I usually devoured this book endless times right after Crystal Singer.

3) The Nursery - David Lippincott (horror): This very little known gem showed me that while I thought I had it bad with my parents, they were nothing like the psycho couple the lead character ends up dealing with. I bought this book in a Vienna train station one night on our way back from a weekend school drama trip and stayed up all night on the train ride home reading it to the end. Then promptly read it again when I got home, but slower this time.

4) Gloriana - Michael Moorcock (alternate reality): This book is wonderful, it combines an alternate Elizabethan I reality, fantasy, magic, murder, mayhem, conspiracy, sex, and writing I can only compare to a huge box of absolutely delicious chocolates that no matter how much you eat, you want more. And there's no fear of calories or nauseousness. Rich and wonderful.

5) The Long Walk - Rich Bachman (Stephen King actually although I didn't know it at the time - sci-fi/horror): This gruesome dark book was a perfect high school read. Fully realized believable characters that you either cared for or hated, just like the people you were going to school with. Very detailed which made my anal-retentive heart go pitter pat. Scary in that you wonder how well you'd do in the same situation and when you'd end up... A damn fine story with an unusual unhappy ending, finally.

6) Sphinx - Robin Cook (suspense): This was actually a find that our American neighbors up the street had. They generously allowed me to plunder their book collection and while reading Nero Wolfe was alright, this book was great. Light reading for me but the story was well-told, fast-paced, and set in Egypt with strong-willed female lead character on a search for ancient treasure. (Guessing you can see a trend by now?)

7) Banners of Silk - Rosiland Laker (historical romance): I read this book to tatters, bought a new copy, read that one to tatters, and am most likely on my 5th or 6th copy. I finally found the original hardback version and that's my "good" copy (I have a back-up HB copy as well, call me crazy, I won't deny it!). Something about this book... I could say it's the writing, the characters, the dresses, the story, but that doesn't get to it. It's all those things and more. It's a book that strikes a chord and I love it and read it over and over and over.

8) The Fortress - Gabrielle Lord (horror/suspense): IF this was treated right, this book would make a great movie. But then all really good books that you stay up all night to finish and then have bad dreams about are never made into good movies because they never match what your imagination accomplishes. This book rocks, still. I finally got an out-of-print copy and it is exactly as good as I remember it. A teacher and students pitted against terrorizing kidnappers in Australia - that's all I can tell ya!

9) Anne of Green Gables series - L.M. Montgomery: I love reading this series. I read the first book to the last and cram a lifetime in a relatively brief span. Again one of those books where the writing, characters, and story just click and I can't pinpoint exactly why. Wait, maybe it's because while I'm reading it, I'm in the story and not aware that I'm reading. That's it, that complete suspension of reality.

10) Moomintroll series - Tove Jansson: Yes, these books are on the younger side but the stories, writing, and pictures are so engaging that I still find myself coning back to them again and again.

Common trend (in most of the books): strong-willed flawed female protagonist who has serious issues/dangers to overcome be it on a different planet, alternate reality, outback, in the distant past, or modern day.

What these books did for me in high school (and do so even today): due to a combination of great writing/great stories/great characters/great details = suspended reality and made me leave my life for a while never once feeling like I was reading a story, but actually seeing it unfold before me (granted in my head, but still).

Moomin's Weekend Friend

So Moomin was looking out the window when a huge fuzzy bumbly bee landed on the screen for a wash break. It hung out for about 10 minutes meticulously grooming legs/feet/wings. Moomin enjoyed every moment although as soon as the bee stopped moving, Moomin took to watching the crows across the street.

Here he is trying to make contact. I'm such an overprotective mamacat that I did not fall for his cuteness and open the window. Stinging is not fun. Ripped screens are not fun.

Two days of Slambo sunbathing this weekend! I am one delicious caramel fudge brownie! And yes, I'm being careful for all you sun-naysayers. I'm wearing sunscreen on my face and only staying out for short periods of time. I am feeling healthier this summer with all the vitamin D I've been soaking up and I'm definitely looking healthier too. Come this winter I will again fade to fish belly white. I might have to buy a "happy light". Huh (snort).

My Chimney Has a TopHat

I finally got my flashing fixed/replaced.

With all the rain we've been having, mostly heavy and driving, Dad's jerry-rigged tar patch finally gave out and I've been experiencing a "River Runs Through It" on my living room wall.

My roofer contractor is reputedly one of the top guys in the area so he can pick and choose his jobs after playing golf and bar-hopping. Yeah, I know, doesn't sound promising, but he came highly and reliably recommended and if he's that good that he can do what he wants when he wants and everyone wants him, then I don't have any complaints.

Neither does my wall. No more leaks! And he guaranteed his work. And he was reasonably priced. He did say the local squirrels snacking on my lead are eligible for mental disability coverage. Well, at least the ones not run over by cars.

And he let me know my chimney is NOT lined and advised me NEVER to use a woodstove. Makes me wonder how my home's previous owners avoided burning the house down around them because there was a woodstove hooked up when I purchased it. It's still in the basement, full of ashes, just no longer hooked up to the chimney.

He put a top hat on the top of my chimney to keep critters, debris, and rain out of it. Apparently I didn't have one of those either. Go figure, I've had this house since '99. He was concerned about "wicking" which leads to wearing and leaking of the chimney inside - brickwise but as the Universe looks after fools and drunks, I don't have any evidence of that.

One more repair down. Several more to go... but not right now, or soon, or even in a while. I need to percolate some more.

Giant Pumpkin Update

Houston, despite my timely manual matchmaking efforts, we now have a rotting head-sized pumpkin that is beginning to resemble something halfway solid a child has upchucked.

I am SO disappointed but not very surprised given the insane wet weather we've been having.

On the up side, the vine is busy attempting two or three more pumpkins and with the male and female flowers finally in sync, I don't have to "show them the way".

But I'm not holding my breath for any pumpkins this year. My other regular pumpkin vines are just growing forth greenly, not having any babies yet.

I did manage to get 4 yellow squash.

My BiPolar Potato Salad

Or "Hot/Cold Potato Salad" or even "Two Part Potato Salad" if you prefer my more PC names. I myself prefer the nonPC name - "BiPolar Potato Salad".

This is my new summer "catnip" recipe. I describe certain meals as "catnip" because I can't get enough of them and would roll around in them if I were a cat.

So...

The Cold or Manic Part:

• One bundle of green onions - cut with scissors, oh so much easier
• One bundle/stalk/set of celery - diced into nice little centimeter pieces
• One bag of julienned carrots - chopped into little centimeter pieces
• Optional: one yellow pepper - chopped into little centimeter pieces
• Trust me, you are going to want to take the anal retentive/OCD time to make the pieces small.
• One package of real bacon bits (Oscar Mayer) (optional, but you're gonna miss 'em)
• One 5oz container of fresh shredded Asiago cheese (optional, I love me some dairy)
• Mix all of these in a big ass bowl and refrigerate til potatoes are done.

The Hot or Lethargic Part:

• One mesh bag of purple or russet baby/mini potatos
• Boil them up while doing the Cold/Manic chopping part.
• Once easy to poke with a fork, stop the water.
• Take them out one at a time and put in a tupperware or other plastic bowl (with a top that fits)
• Mash/chunk them with a fork.
• Add Ranch dressing and Ginger Soy Sauce to taste. I can't give you measurements coz I just add and mix until the potatoes are a chunky-creamy texture and taste like heaven. One hint, more Ranch than Ginger Soy sauce, but it has to be Ginger Soy, god that stuff is yummy!

Putting it all together or BiPolar Part:

• Bring out the cold veggie mix.
• Ladle as much of it as you want in a bowl. I like pasta bowls for this.
• Then take about a cup with a little + of the potato mixture and put on top of the veggies.
• Mix the potatoes and veggies together, ideally you want each bite to have p's and v's together!
• Put the cold veggies away.
• Put the potatoes away.
• DO NOT MIX THEM!! Keep them in separate containers.
• Only mix together what you are going to eat. I can't stress this enough!

What makes this salad work is that the veggies stay crisp and cool and delish.

And the potatoes are warm and comfort-foodish.

Together=bliss.

If you work it right, there will be more veggies than potatoes each helping and you'll run out of both at the same time if you keep this in mind. If you try to make them equal, you will run out of potatoes very quickly. For us calorie conscious people, we need the veggies to be the bigger portion. Besides the potatoes are almost too good to have too much of, although I've gone there. The veggies really balance out the over-goodness of the potatoes.

Leftovers or Post Crisis Potatoes:

• When you want more the next day, just heat the amt of p's you want in a bowl.
• After they are warm, ladle on the cool v's and mix and you are ready to go.

The BugFest That Was This Weekend

I swear I encountered every freakin' bug that lives in my yard, my parents' yard, and on the dogsitting walk this weekend. I had to bugspray myself good to just sunbathe.

You name it;

Mosquitos (poor Riley, if I hadn't coated his buttocks with Burt's Bees bug repellent... he sorely needed it while taking a poop in the woods. God they're ferocious!)

Earwigs

Big juicy black ants

Tiny red ants

Slugs (okay, so they aren't "bugs" but they are pests)

Flies

Horse flies

Deer flies

Bees

Wasps

Some other very large flying stinging creature that I did not care to investigate closely

Grasshoppers

Moths

Midges

Gnats

The striped bugs eating the squash and pumpkin leaves

Japanese beetles

Some other kind of beetle that was black

And spiders, tons of those too;

The Bad Ass Big Yellow spiders (BABYs)

Daddy Long Legs

The zebra-striped jumping ones

The brown nonwebbers that scuttle frantically when startled (usually found around the soil)

Tunnel spiders

And of course, the garden orb spider as seen below.

It's a wonder I wasn't carried off and sucked dry.

Out and About Doin' the Hooligout

I went out with new friend, L, last night. When she came to my house to transfer over to my car (she drove last time we went out), my neighbor was out sweeping her steps. When she saw me, she said, "wow, you're smokin' tonight!" Of course she's only ever seen me in lawn-mowing mode and bedraggled after-work mode, so seeing me with smoky eyes, blonde curls, a crisp white buttondown showing some cleavage, and a short skinny jean skirt with heels that made my legs look like they started at my chin was a bit of an eye opener for her. L told her I don't go out enough and my neighbor agreed and said she hoped the smokin' effect wreaked some havoc on the male gender. And it did, but so not the way I expected...

We went to a neighboring town's restaurant/bar for a late dinner and some beverages. The waitress was super sweet, the chicken tenders were super crunchy, and the drinks were super weak. I convinced L that staying for expensive weak drinks and bad Karaeoke (sp?) was not how I wanted to spend the rest of the evening so we left and moved on to another local hang out.

The drinks were better but the live band sucked ass, literally and figuratively. We sat and chatted and texted my best friend J in Florida. We ran into someone L knows and chatted with him for a while. One of the locals hit on L.

Next thing we know, this spiffily dressed - and when I say spiffy I mean SPIFFY, he had on a sparkly belt, rhinestone pins scattered on his shirt, rings practically on every finger, I swear I saw several earrings in one ear, coiffed white hair, those old-time shoes that look like a cross between fancy one-color bowling shoes and blue suede shoes but his were white - older man comes waltzing (and I do mean waltzing and if it wasn't waltzing it was skipping, or floating, or gamboling) into the bar and immediately (after equipping himself with a beer) starts buzzing around the women like a bee dipping into each flower. He asked each of them to dance, some nice ones took him up on his offer but most didn't. He buzzed around our table and stayed to talk A LONG time after we both politely said no to dancing. L left to go to the bathroom and the man stayed and proceeded to regale me with mini risque stories, drop one-liners like "if you can keep up with me till 5am, I treat you to breakfast", tell blonde jokes with the blonde always coming out on top "because we blondes need to stick together" (he considered his white hair his blonde ticket), compliment me, touch my arm high enough up to cop a fleeting feel of my boobie, put his hand on my knee or my shoulder, and while it sounds like harassment as I write it down, it was truly innocuous due to how light-hearted and in the moment he was, and it wasn't threatening or icky. It was more like Puck in human form having a blast amongst the women-flowers. (He reminded me alot of Gpa out skating.) Anyhoo. After he left our table one time (he came back numerous times), these other two guys asked us if he was bothering us. We said no and they said he comes out all the time, looking to dance up a storm, in fact his local nickname is "Geezer Pimp" coz of all the bling he wears and his propensity for women. So my smokin' appearance led to being hit on by 78 year old Geezer Pimp!

Next up, much later in the evening, a man comes up and asks if we'd dance with his friend who's going off to Iraq in three days. Both L and said we weren't dancing but they were welcome to sit at our table with us. They came over and proceeded to joke and overshare - it was that time of night. Both of them were Navy, one was 21 and the other was 22 years old, and both were finding Maine an experience. First Guy was from California and had never experienced 50degree temps and saw snow for the first time last winter. Second Guy hailed from Ohio and it turns out his brother is attending my alma mater. How funny is that? First Guy said he was feeling funny about wearing shorts out to the bar because back in Cali you wear long pants out clubbing. I told him there is no clubbing in Maine, it's bar hopping and shorts are norm. L used the word "wicked" to describe something and they just about fell out of their chairs. First Guy said in Cali they say "hella" for "wicked". So we all had to come up with funny hella and wicked phrases with me topping the fun using the F-bomb. First Guy thought I was a riot and told me so several times. After much double meaning and risque talk, the bar was closing and we decided to walk over to another bar and see if there were going to be any fights. There weren't but First Guy offered to go back to my place and "do a little sumpin' sumpin'." I thanked him for his kind offer but had to decline as I was interested in someone else's sumpin' sumpin'. And so my smokin' appearance led to be hit on by a 22 year old.

Go figure, I was hit on by someone who could be my grandfather and by someone who could be my son all in the same night. Now that's got to be good for a drinking game.

Two And A Half Men Speak

"There's not enough bowel movements left!"

"Shut-the-hell-up-shoe"

"Turd in the punchbowl"

"Did your blow-up doll run away with a pool toy?"

"Vodka, Scotch, Whiskey - blond, brunette, and redhead - Charlie's Angels"

"Deep down she's several people and they're all bent."

"I ain't hitting her positive attributes, so I don't give a rat's ass!"

"I now pronounce you fruit basket and nut case. May God have mercy on your souls."

"The head that made the promise isn't the head that broke it."

"It's not a sausage problem, more in the meatball area."

"Swamp ass." "You'd know if you had swamp ass." "A kid in my school had swamp ass and a cat followed him around for 3 weeks."

Just had to share the gigglefest.

VacaPics Using iPhoto

Some belated postings of a few vaca pics. I finally got brave enough for the iMac to suck my photos off my camera. Tonight I've discovered two things I need help with: 1) how to get back to the original photo after I've tweaked it and 2) how to make my photos more blogworthy (read: smaller and crappier quality) instead of huge shiny glistening files that take a long time to upload to the blog. A little knowledge is a dangerous thing!

Ah, whitish sand and turquoise water.

My bestest friend J, her daughter M, and two youngsters L and S.

And this is my youngster. Fortunately the zoo is taking care of it for me.

My haul on one of my two beach-going days. I mailed them back to myself.

Endless vista that I miss.

Male and Female Pumpkin Flowers

The female flower is low on the vine growing off a mini-starter baby pumpkin and when the wide blossom opens up it has a very fat almost foot-stool shaped middle. I have no idea what the technical term for the middle is - stamen?

The male flower is on a tall stalk growing straight up from the vine, the blossom is not as wide and has a much thinner longer middle part - tech term pistil?

Anyhoo, the idea is to get the tall flower's pollen (located on the longer thinner middle part) onto the low flower's fat middle part - thus creating a fertilized pumpkin. How you can tell you did the procedure correctly is that the mini-starter pumpkin instead of not growing and rotting away, starts to swell almost immediately the day after you played matchmaker.

You can do this for squash, zucchini, and cucumbers.

So now you know. Happy fertilizing!

Gardening factoids courtesy of my Mom, Wednesday's Child, and her "gay zucchini story" which is not only educational but extremely pants-wetting as well. Thank you, oh, Master Gardner, you!

Like a Good Neighbor...

Slambo is there.

Once again I'm in charge of watering my neighbor's plants while she is away. But this year I really haven't had to because of all the rain. I totally lucked out in that respect. Besides, the deer or some other wild suburban animals have been extreme-barbering the dahlias I injured last year.

On the other hand, I don't think she arranged for anyone to mow her lawn so I've taken it upon myself to be a good neighbor and mow hers when I mow mine. Our lawns merge after all and when I mow my side lawn, her unmown grass is VERY noticeable, not to mention unsightly.

So I mowed two yards (back and front) today after work before the rain settles in again this weekend. And it was very humid. And buggy. And I was a drippy schweaty mess. God how I dislike heat/humidity.

At work we are dealing with a salmonella outbreak in the downstairs part of the building. Adding diarrhea to hot and humid weather. Instant big time fun.

I was just informed yesterday that my famous or "infamous" (depending on what level a health nut you are) party pretzels have been requested for a bake sale for next week. I've been told that people buy them in bulk and are hugely disappointed when they're gone. In addition to the Reese's PB baking bits (crushed) flavor, I'm substituting mini choc chips for crushed M&M baking bits (what a pain in the ass crushing them is) with some sprinkles added for color and a new flavor of crushed Whoppers. I had an idea for a healthy version - fruit bits with mini choc chips, sort of like trail mix glued onto a pretzel - but the powers that be tell me no one wants the party pretzels to be healthy.

It's supposed to be hot and humid all weekend, I'm not really looking forward to spending time over the stove with a double boiler full of white chocolate and trays upon trays of candy coated pretzels.

I'm just too damn nice for my own good.

Pumpkin Artificial Insemination

Yep, you read right...

Mom started my giant pumpkin seed from scratch and when I got back from vaca the beginning of June, it was a massive green healthy seedling.

I made a mound of dirt, compost, and manure-y mulch and planted it in my back landscape garden.

And then it proceeded to rain, and rain, and rain, and rain, and rain, and oh, rain some goddamn more.

The vine has been growing S.L.O.W.L.Y. and small yellow and black striped bugs have been massively a-munching the leaves.

About 4 beginning pumpkins failed because the girlie flowers were not opening the same time as the boy flowers - so no naturally occurring pumpkin-sex.

Monday before work, I noticed a female flower in open bloom and one lone male flower open and ready to go... but not a busy bee or bug to be seen. I took matchmaking matters in my own hands and proceeded to administer artificial insemination.

Meaning I picked the male flower, bent back the petals, and swirled the male flower parts around inside the female flower.

Today the fruit of my labors is swelling. Houston, we have a giant pumpkin a-growin'. Halleluyah!

Can I Get a WhooHoo??!!

I am making this post from my very new computer!

It's a 20 inch iMac and it. is. AWESOME!

My head is bigger than the keyboard.

The monitor is WAY bigger than my head. Not to mention everything is stuffed into the monitor, so no more tower under the desk or taking up room on the desk.

I have no words. Just AWESOME.

Oh, and I'm going to have to spend some time getting to know the newbie because it is VASTLY different from the PC I was using and the laptop I'm using at work.

Apple did my data transfer for free for me as part of my One To One service package so I've checked and all my pictures seem to be in iPhoto. Apparently this computer is so smart, I just plug my camera in and it SUCKS them right out with not having to go thru my camera's program and then save to My Pictures folder to get pics on the blog. I also have access to free tutorials on the web and can sign up for 1:1 tutorials at the Apple store. All part of the One To One service package for a year.

Oh, and I can call AppleCare for help whenever I want and they can talk me thru probs as they occur. AppleCare will also replace my hard drive if something major unrepairable should happen. If that is at all possible.

Well, the cats have been super patient with me and I have to go feed them. And get ready to watch WipeOut and knit some more on my mom's Mother's Day scarf. I've got to unravel quite a bit as what I wanted to do isn't working and I gotta go with the basics so it looks much better and won't roll up.

Blog ya later!

Wow, It's Been a While...

Sorry to all of you riveted readers who have been jones-ing for a current post...

But I've been flat-out at work,
Went on week's vaca,
Brother is in town,
And I'm still flat-out at work.

Good news,

I went to Florida for vaca to visit J and jammed A LOT into my week: M was there (which was VERY awesome!), thunderstorms, zoo, fondue restaurant, bbq party, beaches, shelling, pool, darts, 2 strip clubs, a casino, some shopping, used book stores, and found a Wii videogame that I finally like and can somewhat play. And I found the perfect perfume for my bestest friend who has been searching for two years to replace her discontinued favorite kind! I sum up my vacation as "Tornados, Casinos, and Titties, Oh My!"

Other good news,

With my baby brother in town, I get to access his vast computer mentality and I may end up with a new computer before or by the time he leaves. Can I get a WHOO-HOO!?

So, I promise to try to get back on the blogging track now that all my shows have gone beddy-bye for the summer but I can't 100% promise this as I'm pretty much doing 5-8 hours straight on my computer at work every day and frankly, I'm extremely sick of keyboards and monitors and mice and misbehaving servers when I come home.

Baby's Got Her Car Butt Back

My car's butt has been fixed and now looks just like it should - new and red and shiny and scratchless. Priceless!

Basically they just took the back bumper off like a Lego piece, buffed, repainted, and baked it. Now it has to "cure" for at least 30 days before I get the ResistAll put back on.

I got to drive a Chevy Cobalt for two days as my loaner-car. This car was like driving a brick with behavior issues - clunky, hard to steer, and it always wanted to go to the right and when I made it go to the left, it took it to extremes. I'm surprised I wasn't pulled over for erratic driving.

So, yes, my car is "devalued" while still "almost new", but as I plan to keep it as long or longer than my old car (13 yrs) and it looks like new again (shiny butt!), I'm not really all that concerned about it's value to anyone other than moi.

My Fit Got Hit A Bit

I got swiped in the car-ass today coming back from a meeting by an impatient teenager.

Fortunately it wasn't the flaming fireball flip-over accident that I lucidly dreamed this morning before actually getting up. I guess the Universe likes to send me overly dramatic forewarnings.

I'll take scratches over a totalled car and being fatally crisped and barbequed any day.

Even tho I was upset coz my car is still NEW!

I'm waiting for my claims adjustor to call me so I can decide if I want Geico to take care of it or if I want my insurance to take care of it. The Geico person was pretty aggressive about having them take care of it. I'm thinking I just want to speak to "my people" and then make a decision coz I'm not really psyched about having every last thing overseen by Geico. I'd rather have where I bought the car handle those details. But I'll keep an open mind and make a decision by tomorrow. Mom? Dad? Any input?

I'm hoping that the door whanged into my side, me backing into my garbage can, and this are considered the official grouping of "three" and it will stop here.

I could just be being overly optimistic.

UPDATE: I'm having the teenager's insurance take care of it all. As my neighborhood insurance agency explained - if they're willing to cover it all, have them do so. So I am. Car is being inspected by the claims adjustor and repaired the same day with a covered rental thrown in if I need it. I may need it as paint is involved, I guess there is a "curing" time. "?"

"Prepare to Wet Thy Pants"

So you know there are videos to teach you all sorts of "things",

To "fill in the gaps" of missing skills.

So there's this video called "Hand Made Love".

I kid you not.

It's been non-stop nonPC joking all day...

The video "came" in the mail.

"You can stop at any time."

"Prevent breakage."

"Sensitive Narrator"

"Hands-on Instructor"

"Visual Supports"

"Hand-Over-Hand Guidance"

This could just "keep going and going and..."

I think I'm done...

"Oops," I totally forgot to mention it comes with a "manual".

I have to stop now or I'll just "explode".

Seriously, turn off the computer...

A Bit About My Fit

This car rocks.

It's averaging about 40 miles/gallon.

It defrosts like a demon.

So far it has dealt extremely well with snow, slush, and mud.

(Aside: Mud Season is headed our way very shortly. There is no "spring" in Maine - what the rest of you folks fondly call "spring" is divided into two delightful parts here in the upper Northeast: Mud Season and Black Fly Hell. The first means entire towns smell like cowshit consecutive days on end, unpaved driveways composed of deep mucky ruts waiting for unwary drivers who will need hours of help, a few boards, or a tow to get unstuck, and your yard resembles a manure quagmire loosely covered with a bad toupee made of last season's grass. The second means exactly what it says, the black flies are out and about and jonsing for freshly thawed out and unwrapped humans. Their bites raise bumps that resemble goiters. It's loads of fun.)

It's comfy.

I can open the back windows for fresh blowing air and my hair won't mess up. (My old car didn't have this option and with no air conditioning, my hair was always a mess.)

My parents' dog is ubercomfy in the "magic" seating fold-down maneuver.

Dusting it is a breeze so far.

It thinks for me. It let me know my tire pressure was low and just today it let me know it was due for an oil change. I'd already anticipated the oil change coz I got tired of waiting for the wrench symbol to show up and scheduled an appt earlier this week for tomorrow at the crack of dawn. Yeah me.

I love driving it.

It has intersection balls,

it turns nicely,

it fits into really small parking spaces but I can put a buttload of stuff in it,

and it's damn cute.

Moomin is the Big Three Today!

Happy birthday to my munchkin monkeybutt smarfypants ScoobyMoomin! And it's been an exciting three years. I don't know what I'd do without my morning headbutt-kisses, chainsaw purring, and shoulder-surfing. I know the other cats could do without the Chomping of the Hindparts!

Snap Crapple Poppie

I dare you to say "snap crackle pop" now without messing up. I haven't been able to say it right since I've said it wrong.

So. It's not been the best work-wise and while brushing my teeth just now, I started to dwell on the absolute negativities that have been my recent and present experiences. Then I put an immediate stop to that because there are things that are bright shiny spots, small but extremely bright. And they are:

1) I have found this wonderful line of products for my face and my emerging lines are practically non-existent. Burt's Bees Naturally Ageless (with pomegranate) and Radiance (with royal jelly). I am glow-y, softer, no break-outs for over a month, no dryness, and practically line-free.

2) Burt's Bees products for body lotion and face washing too! Amazing!

3) My mom is home safe from her recent trip.

4) My co-workers made me laugh really hard today. So very needed!

5) My car is great.

6) I have a wonderful home that is no longer leaking somewhere in the basement.

7) I've managed to keep the weight I've lost off for little over a year and all my "gage" clothes still fit.

8) All of the kittos finished their dinners tonight. I've switched foods on them again and am trying a healthier wet food and there's been some resistance from someone striped, dawdling from someone dark and chocolatey, and yarfing from someone spotty.

9) I've done ALL my laundry.

10) I'm concentrating on those bright spots to get me thru the rest of this week.

Pfffftttt. Valentine's Day

Whatever.

Totally jerry-rigged consumer-driven holiday emphasizing loneliness or disfunctional relationships.

I prefer to surprise and be surprised throughout the year at meaningful moments. Not when someone tells me to tell someone I love them with expensive debt-laden or guilt-inducing gifts.

In the anti-spirit of V'sDay, I am going to sleep late, exchange no cards or gifts, hang out with my mom, hang out with my cats, read, nap, knit on my new project, and rest/recharge during my three day weekend.

My people know I love them. And most of them have showed me how much they care with all the support they provided during an extremely trying week. Truly wonderfully blessed am I.

Thank you.

Vent-ilation

Oh my, let me tell you. That movie clerk almost had himself ripped a new butthole, on his face. I went to the movies with a friend on Saturday. We made these plans on Friday afternoon after checking the paper that comes out, every Friday, that tells when the weekend movie times are. We chose "New In Town".

So I get to the theater and I'm waiting for her. She's a bit late and I decide to get my ticket coz it looked like things were going to get busy. I plunk my money down and say "one for New In Town."

He said, "The next showing is 7:20pm".

???????????????????

Me: "What?"

MovieJerk, sorry, Clerk: "The next showing is at 7:20pm."

Me: "It's supposed to be 1:20pm."

MovieJerk, errr, Clerk: "Well, it's been cancelled due to the Opera."

Me: ????????????? "What do you mean, it said the showing was at 1:20pm?"

MovieJerk, I mean Clerk: "The live Opera is showing in that theater."

Me: "It didn't say that in the paper."

MovieJerk, Clueless Clerk: "What paper?"

Me: "The paper that comes out on Friday so you can plan your weekend movie viewing."

MovieJERK: "Well, it wasn't in the paper."

My Mind: "Lissen you sumbitch, you tellin' me my movie's been dumped for some dumbass Opera gig? No head's up in the papers? Are you frickin' serious? I'm about to come over that counter and put an extra orifice where the sun does shine!!!"

Me: walking off because I'm about to lose an extremely bad temper and I'm not interested in playing with Security.

I waited for my friend, she finally arrived, and I not so calmly explained the asinine situation. She and I talked, well, she talked and I fumed, and decided to see our second choice "Push".

We get back up to the counter and she paid first. While waiting for my ticket, I told MovieClerkJerk that they really needed to consider advance advertising and to think ahead more when they do events like the Opera that cancel movies like "New In Town". He just nodded. It'll never happen. But I was delighted that a woman behind me asked him in a trumpety very irritated voice, "What, New In Town's been cancelled?"

I wasn't the only one, there were lots of couples who came in after me and ended up leaving coz their weekend plans were stomped on as well.

As for "Push", it had a good premise with some interesting special effects but it fell far short of a "wow" movie as it had a lot of unused and underutilized potential with lots of room for improvement.

CatFood Experiment Has Ended

I've tallied the data...

And the results are in...

5 different flavors of Brand 1 (small-sized breakfast cans) and 5 different flavors of Brand 2 (big dinner cans) have made it thru - half of the flavors involving "beef", the other half "chicken", and one lone "turkey with cheese bits". All involve "gravy".

Whatever. I have happy cats that are official members of the "Clean Plate Club", pooping up a normal BM storm, peeing good sized pees, and I've even caught Moomers drinking water out of the non-fountain water bowl twice. Oh my!

I went to the store today to stock up on 5 cans of each flavor - 50 cans total, which came out to be about $20! Way cheaper then the Science Diet guggy food.

Day 3 and Still a Happy Experiment

Chalk today up as another success. Beef seems to be the catnip flavor so far.

Meglet asked what's my feeding procedure, so here it is: (those of you who babysit the cats while I'm away will already be familiar with the basics)

Hobbes: he gets a shotglass full of dry food (3 varieties mixed together - Nutro Weight Maintenance, Adult chicken, and Senior) in a small bowl along with a dish of 1/3 of a can of whatever wet food I'm serving up.

Doodle: she gets basically the same as Hobbes but because she gains weight faster than him and Moomin, I tend to reduce her dry food if she's getting chunky.

Moomin: he gets a shotglass full of Science Diet c/d dry food (prescription food for cats prone to urinary tract infections, poor baby) and the biggest third of the can of wet cat food mixed together (took me long enough to figure that out, he was taking forever with eating each tiny dry piece one at a time). He's the most active kitto of the bunch and he really needs the water factor in the wet food. Not to mention he takes after his gigantic tomcat father.

Everyone gets a bedtime snack of a sprinkling of dry food to prevent hanging over me like a vulture too early in the morning.

Dr. H said dry food is higher in calories and carbs, along with all the grains/veggies filler (he said it is difficult to make an all-meat dry cat food), than wet food, so he recommends I feed them more wet then dry. Dr. W did an experiment with her own cat and found if she fed it 16 dry pieces of the food she was feeding it, her cat never gained weight - if she took some away it lost weight and if she added more to the 16 it gained weight. I like to keep dry food in the mix as we as humans are supposed to eat crunchy/harder foods to keep our teeth exercised and strong so I figure the same goes for cats. Not to mention if they were out hunting their food, they'd be crunching on small bones. Yuck but true.

Taking this all into consideration, I tend to keep the dry to the minimum I've worked out with my cats to maintain their weight which is a shotglass full and not the jumbo shotglass, just the regular straight alcohol shotglass size. The reason I'm not giving them more then a third each of a large can of catfood is that they barely finish that and I can't have food laying around all day because a) eeww and b) Doodle would be 500 lbs by now. The bedtime snack helps with the hungries.

Of course, Doodle is ALWAYS hungry so it doesn't matter how much I feed her. She literally has no shut-off switch. Plus she eats so damn fast sometimes that she yarfs her entire meal up and 10 minutes later she's all super-affectionate to me which means she wants more food because she's on empty.

Day 2 Of the Great Catfood Experiment

(I love these pics with my HobberBobber!)

I took Hobber, the eldercat, to his annual checkup last week during our bleezard and learned:

1) a limited diet for cats is NOT good

2) having them eat the same thing all the time is NOT good

3) cats are one of the purest carnivores and we are making them eat food with grains and veggies in it

4) eating fish has not been scientifically shown to cause the crystals in cat bladders

5) kittens should be given a wide variety of different kinds of wet foods so they learn to tolerate eating most anything which will come in very handy when a cat gets sick n' picky

6) stick to the bigger better known brand names

7) and it's okay for Moomin to have any kind of wet food coz it adds much needed H2o to his body (I still don't ever catch him drinking water).

So, on Dr. H's recommendation, I have purchased a gazillon (well, not really a gazillon, but a lot) cans of catfood.

We've got turkey, chicken, and beef in a variety of different preparations, like:

"meaty bits"

"savory shreds"

"prime filets"

"feast"

"gravy"

"grilled"

"gourmet"

"chunky"

"with cheese"

and finally "bite-sized marinated morsels".

And the feline herd is LOVING it. No picky eaters in this bunch. They have joined the "Clean Plate Club" with huge enthusiasm. In fact, I was practically hijacked when I said, "treats dinner!"

I have a ratings system set up so I will know which ones are the all time favorites, but if things continue the way they are, I will end up just getting all of the flavors I bought with some new ones added in to keep the "novelty factor" in play.

I have them pick the flavors they want. Well, I array the cans in a line and open whichever they sniff/touch first (yes I know they can't smell thru the can, but I believe in giving power of choice when appropriate, after all, I've been forcing them to eat the same bland guggy Science Diet Mature Cats Savory Chicken paste). Moomin picked beef but he picked that for breakfast so I took Doodle's choice of turkey in gravy. Hobbes isn't choosing, he's staying on the Hoosier waiting with baited breath.

The kittos also seem happier around meal times. More relaxed. I know I am. Keep you all posted.

Caught An Eyeful

I was home sick the past two days and to amuse myself in between trips to the bathroom, I tried some things out with my camera. Each eye has a mini reflection of my windows and their views. Pretty neat huh?

Blue sky, curtains, one lone tree.

Trees, sky, shadow of my house on snow.

If you look closely in this one, you can see the white house that's across the street.

I'm Declared A Heath Hazard to Postal Workers

It's official.

See, up here in the North in the wintertime, if we forget/weather happens while we're at work/don't have time or tools/don't get around to shoveling, chipping, salting, sanding, clearing away, or doing any other form of keeping our mailboxes from being easily accessed, we get a nice little polite mass-produced note from the Post Office basically telling us we need to shape up and become a better contributing member of society.

Today I came home to find the notice in my mailbox declaring me a health and safety hazard to my mailperson and they'd appreciate my immediate action in making it safe for them to deliver my mail directly to me.

I would if that was AT ALL possible. We had some drizzle the night before and since I'd done such a painstaking job of clearing all the snow off the driveway this weekend, the driveway turned into a sheet of ice when the temperatures dropped overnight. This morning I boot-skated to my garage.

Now when your driveway is a smooth, shiny, solid (meaning impossible to chip away unless you want to damage the chipper or your arm), half to 3/4 inch thick, sheet of ice with single to low teen digits forecast for the rest of the day and the wind gusting like nobody's business causing major windchill factors and you've left yourself just enough time to leave for work and clock in on time IF you leave right now, the driveway is not going to be put into any sort of slip-proof shape. As it is, my little car shimmied to Eddie Money singing "she was shakin'... movin' round and round, just ashakin'..." Truly, any car was gonna shimmy on my driveway. Chains wouldn't have helped. Spikes, maybe.

So I came home and admired the slickness that is my driveway and found my notice and made sure I laughed after I'd entered the house. No sense in me falling on my ass.

I got some left over play sand (what? it's cheaper than salt and better for the environment) from a summer project and sprinkled a path right down the middle of my driveway and next to my stoop where the mailbox is. Hopefully that will satisfy the "contributing community member" requirement.

We Gots Chilly Willies All Up In Here

What do males do when it's this friggin' cold? Do their male parts try to do the whole male bird maneuver and tuck themselves up into somewhere warm? Do they even make underwear with warm padding that insulates the family jewels from freezing right off? What happens to male self-esteem when it's this cold?

Seriously, if I wasn't PMSing, my boobilicious parts would be at least 2 sizes smaller.

And as soon as I walk outside, my boogers get all ice-crackley in my nose. Not the most comfortable feeling.

I just saw on the news a place so cold, a guy threw water into the air and it came down as snow. How fun is that? Snow you make right in front of yourself? Too bad it has to be that f-in' cold for you do that little amazing party trick.

Today's LINE of Pics

"Lines" being the operative word in these black and white IceStorm08 photos.

There's something so dark and mysterious, almost haunting, about this one. I can't quite put my finger on what it is.

Food Dispenser, Toy Retriever, Surfboard

Sometimes I think that's all I am to the feline herd that hogs 2/3s of my living space and life.

But then I am always surprised by the individual morning love fests from each kitto.

Doodle wakes me up by leaning on my head and licking any skin showing out from under the covers. She will lay down on my shoulder and put her side up against my cheek and purr for almost an hour if that's how long it takes me to decide to get up. It's a nice warm cozy loving way to wake up to the day.

Hobbes will hang out on the bathroom sink and wait for me to get out of the shower so he can give me headbutts and nose-kisses. And because he's so reserved and squirrely, the fact he makes a point to put aside his general avoidance of the other cats makes his effort to let me know he loves me all the more touching.

Moomin will not even wait for me to get out of the shower. Sometimes he shoves the curtain aside to see if I'm done yet. Then when the water is off and I'm in my robe towelling up my hair in the stall (it's too cold to just jump right out), he will loft himself onto my shoulders, chainsaw-purring up a veritable storm. He sometimes gets his paws wrapped up in the towel but he backs up to get ready for when I stand up so that he can balance on my shoulders. Then I fold my arms up and he steps on to them and gives me a plethora of headbutts, butt shots (coz he's walking back and forth on my arms), and nose-kisses. He loves it when I headbutt him back and rub my cheeks and chin on his cheeks and forehead. We do this for about 2 minutes. Pure purring love.

I'm very thankful and grateful for the wonderful start to each and every day.

No Resolutions, Just Continuing Good Habits

New Year's Eve:

1) Cleaned my bathroom "company clean".

2) Removed shower gunk from my shower curtain.

3) Had one of my all time favorite dinners and cleaned the pan afterwards.

4) Ran the dishwasher... finally.

5) Watched Two and Half Men.

6) Read.

7) Went to bed before 12am and read some more.

8) Three cats sleeping and some untold time later, the phone rings in the dead of night.

9) Friend calling to wish me Happy New Year.

10) Back to bed to not quality sleep for rest of night.

New Year's Day:

1) Woke up, showered, dressed.

2) Went to lunch with friend, exchanged gifts, browseshopped.

3) Came home, took tree down, put ornaments away.

4) Started laundry, dryer not happy so either it needs fixin' or I need a new one.

5) Dinner at Mom and Dad's for the most fabulous tasting ham EVER and best cake+ice cream EVER!

6) Played with dog in below 0* weather.

7) Went home and put up icicle lights my father had gotten me years ago to see if I got the same effect my mother does. I have to say no.

8) Read.

9) Went to bed to read some more.

10) No quality sleep again but the cats were zonked right out.

Post New Year's Day:

1) Woke up at 5am and actually got out of bed at 5:30am to shower and dress.

2) Got to work at 7am, 7am is unheard of for me.

3) Early co-worker humorously refused to acknowledge my presence until 8am.

4) Was industrious and efficient (except for mechanical/computer/printer snafus) up til lunch.

5) Had a laughing lunch with co-workers.

6) Ran out of steam but found something to do.

7) Left work early (coz I got there early) to go home to nap.

8) Nap unsuccessful but resting was nice.

9) Ate dinner, M called to say all set to go out.

10) Picked her up, went out but not buckwild, had someone offer to pay for my drink and insist that they do so (so free drink to start the year off right!), learned how to play arcade bowling with a trackball (what a treat that was - I'm officially in 104th place!), messed with some minds with the psychic quarter game, and generally had a fun evening.

Good habits to continue: watching portions and calories, putting clothes away right away, cleaning up after self in kitchen, scooping poop every morning, shoveling and mowing the old fashioned way.

New habits to start working on: running the dishwasher more often, cutting cat claws more often, keeping clutter to a minimum or at least manageable, clean the shower curtain gunk more often, add more veggies, walking more.

HappyNewYear! I've Grown Horns

Yes, to splendidly ring in the new year, my forehead has sprouted two horns. And my skin has been doing so well the past few months since summer ended and I've not been all hot, humid, and sweaty, oops, sorry, "glowy".

No lie.

Two ginormous zits on either side of my forehead midway between my eyebrows and hairline, perfectly matched in size, level, and mirrored location.

No lie.

What a great gift to wake up to. Apparently when I woke up a while ago in 2008 (can't remember which post that was) with the gift of sight (which ultimately turned out to be me leaving my contacts in overnight) I offended the Supreme Upper Being with my obliviousness and grumbly tetchiness. So now I've been blessed with a gift of horns, most likely from the Supreme Lower Being.

Well, I'm not any where near as oblivious as I was with the sightgift, but I'm way beyond the grumpiness. Horns! Zits!

And right before Friday night when I'm planning on breaking the Hermitting Since Halloween and going out to get all buckwild and stuff. (Well, not really buckwild as I drive myself, but max and relax and laugh and stuff.)

Here's to Horns for New Year's!

Color Boosted IceStorm Shots

Here are some pictures of IceStorm 2008. Not as major as it could have been which was the golden side of the coin. The power outage was the tarnished side. These are "color boosted", a fancy tool that came with my camera. It takes what color is in the photo and you can dial up the intensity.

I have a few others I'll post later that I altered into black and white. Some I didn't have to tweak at all.

Reflect On The Good Times!

Me having a ball on Christmas! (get your mind out of the gutter, you know who you are!)

This was just a lucky shot, I had no idea I got me in the pic. I turned out to be better then the effect I was trying for. Go figure.

Looks like Santa's runway, no?

Merry Christmouse!

From the Triplicats!

Happy Howldays!

From Rileypants!

Digital TV Anyone?

Is anyone else getting miffed with watching their favorite programs do the pixel dance?

Is anyone else getting tired of digital hiccups that cause scenes of TV programs to skip or get stuck?

Is anyone else getting seriously irritated with watching mouth movements not match up to the voices?

Is it just me feeling digital TV isn't the next best new technomarvelous gadget we gotta have?

I spent my evening watching "Pushing Daisies" where not one actor's/ess' voice matched their mouth thru the entire show and "Private Practice" where a hiccup caused me to admire the inside of Addison's nose for almost 10 seconds. Really. How is that good TV?

Such A Bi-Polar Weekend

And when I say bi-polar, I mean I was in a volcanic emotional state and physically freezing my ass off!

My little neighborhood was the black hole of my town.

The power on our street went off at 5am on Friday and I didn't get it back on until this morning at 7am - just in time for me to wait 30 minutes for the hot water heater to heat me up some water so I could use my own shower before going off to work.

I was laying in bed on Friday waiting for my alarm to go off, snuggling with the kitties, and listening to the furnace run when POW BLAST. Furnace stopped immediately and the kitties went scurrying for cover. I peered myopically outside and saw a large pine tree branch in the street and three little branches dangling from the top wire. The snow plow went by. I got back in bed and snuggled for two more hours and officially woke up at 7am, washed my hair/face/parts in the kitchen sink, got dressed, and checked my driveway. I wasn't going anywhere even tho I pre-prepped for the storm by keeping my garage open. My lilac bushes were bent over and fused to my driveway. I thumbed a ride with my dad and had him drop me off at the library where a co-worker was stationed coz she had no power or heat too. We spent midmorning to late afternoon working and giggling (quietly coz it was a library). Then she dropped me off home and I wacked the lilacs so enough ice came off of them to spring back up a bit. I had a lantern and some pre-cooked food and was all set for the evening. The temp outside was in the teens.

I mistakenly assumed the power would be on at some point Saturday. WRONG! By late Saturday afternoon the house was 42*. SuperDad came over and did some HandyMan Magic and hooked my furnace up to the generator and got my house warmed up to 69* for the night as it was again supposed to be in the teens.

I woke up Sunday thinking I'd have power. WRONG AGAIN! SuperDad came over again with the generator to warm my staying steady at 43* house up again. While he went to drive my mom to her art quilt show, he left the generator at my house running. I was monitoring it and starting everytime it hiccupped even tho Dad said that was normal. I was scooping poop (that happens regardless of ice-storm or no ice-storm) when I heard a loud banging on my door. It was my neighbor who fronts the main street and had power for the entire storm. He offered to let me plug my furnace into his garage and draw on his power. I accepted and he ran a very long cord over to my house and once SuperDad came back, we disconnected the generator and plugged my furnace into the neighbor's power. It was so nice not to have to worry about pipes freezing. And the cats, you'd have thought they were frostbitten by all the posing and posturing and laying and fighting over the hot air vents. I went to bed in a much more positive mood.

The phone rang. I was sleeping, it was dark, and I had no idea of the time. I ran for the phone and it was the power company apologizing for calling so late to check to see if I had power. I said "no" in a just woke and 'you've pissed me off again" tone of voice. She didn't seem to mind and said she'd let the crews know my neighborhood was still without power. I checked my clock when I got into bed and found it was 2am. That explained her apology. But then I was up stewing for 2 hours before I finally dozed off.

I "woke up" Monday thinking I'd have power. WRONG YET AGAIN! I was busy calling the power company yet again, packing my shower bag yet again, calling my other-side neighbor to let her know no power yet again, and feeding the cats when all of a sudden the cats scattered and I looked to see what made them freak out. Outside my window was the power truck. Finally! He got out this pole that magically became taller than a house, jiggled off the three branches, drove back to the beginning of the street, cherry pickered himself up some, removed something from the top of the power pole using the Magic Pole, brought it down to himself, put something back on the Magic Pole, levered it up to wherever he took the doohickey off, shoved and clicked it into place, and POWER. It was that simple. THAT SIMPLE. So simple my entire neighborhood had to suffer 4 mornings and three days of no power.

Living in the middle of town has perks, my ass cheek. Living in a neighborhood of local rich college professors has perks, my other ass cheek.

Golden side of the coin: My parents, their shower, their generator, their putting up with my absolute ever-lovin' crap all weekend, my power-sharing neighbor (who is getting a free meal at a nice restaurant on me), and my friends for letting me vent over and over and over.

Never again will I underestimate the power of a shower. I cannot function at all without one. And me being a just wakened grizzly bear is not my idea (nor my family's) idea of fun.

Worlds in Ice

Finally, some more photo experiments to post...

Da Dawg

Pictures of Riley from this past weekend.

Favorite outdoor toy that makes wonderful noises!

This dog has got some AIR!

Nothing says Christmas like Piney Fresh breath! Xmas tree butt is better than a TicTac.

Posing patiently in Christmas greenery. (Psst: Slambo has my Xmas tree butt in her non-camera hand, that's why she has all of my attention.)

Think you gonna take my ice cake? Think again, buster!

Storm Crazy

We are having an ice storm today into tonight into tomorrow. My car was coated with ice when it came time for me to leave work. My poor new car, tho it was bound to happen sooner or later. I found out that my defrost ROCKS! I had a clear dry windshield in a matter of minutes that was easy to scrape.

I made a mistake and visited the grocery story. Every storm-crazed person was there frantically filling their carts with random items in preparation for the predicted power outages. It was bedlam. And I couldn't understand most of the stuff in people's carts. One lady was hurrying out to her car with a 12-pack of beer and that was all. Another family had their cart full of bags of chips. Other people had a cart full of stuff that needed to be refrigerated. That I couldn't understand. If the power goes out, you aren't supposed to open the fridge. And there were crowds in front of the Red Box for the $1 videos. Again, power outages, people. How do you expect to watch videos when there's no power? A goofy couple was looking dreamily into each other's eyes while they browsed the organic foods. Lots of people were picking up the pre-made hot foods like fried chicken, ribs, sweet-sour breaded chicken.

And why was I there? I had to get spring water for the cats as Moomin can't and won't drink the water from the faucet coz it smells bad to cats. I can smell the chlorine at times in the morning but I have no idea what Moomin is smelling but it must be pretty bad.

I'm leaving my garage door open coz when the power goes out, I can't open it and get to my car. And you need access to your car in an emergency.

Finally, A Mascara That Actually Delivers

on all it's advertised glory...

My lashes are all the above. Taking this stuff off is a dream, just a little warm water on the fingertips, hold for a few seconds to saturate them, and a with a barely-there-pull, off the mascara comes! Do this a couple of times till no more "tubes" are on your fingers and viola, no more raccoon eyes whatsoever!

And tho I'm no supermodel, my lashes are worthy of the name. I can practically cause a breeze with them they are so long and fabulous. Where the hell was this techno break thru in my younger party days. This stuff ROCKS!

My new best beauty product friend.

And although I give it the SLAMBO seal of approval, there is one minor imperfection - the container has brushes and stuff at both ends coz it has 2-step application and the brush wands (not the brushes themselves) are a "wee" bit too short. I'm finding it takes some getting used to working in extreme close-up.

So My Car Spoke To Me Today

Yes, you read that right and no, I'm not ready to be straightjacketed directly to the Loony Bin (do not pass GO).

My car just let me know that my tire pressure was "unacceptably low" and I needed to fix this issue right away.

Good thing I was on my way to my usual gas station where I can freely pull the "helpless girl" card and have someone assist me with air in my tires.

Now, I can do this, but it was F-n' freezing (-4* with the windchill) and I didn't have time to practice my air-in-the-tire skills as I was on my way to an appointment.

I stayed outside with the helpful gas station DooBee, so I did suffer the extreme temps, but they did the work efficiently and effortlessly for me.

And I only had to pay .50 cents for air.

For air.

I'd say spending .50 cents for service with a smile in subzero temps was worth every penny!

Breathless Observations

You ever walk into a space (be it the office, a room, a house, etc) and it just reeks of used breath - a room full of bad breath and no oxygen? Always makes me want to hold my breath.

You ever notice how some people just seem to carry around a "brown breath" cloud that follows them and fills up small cramped ventless places? And you can't ever get away from them coz they're also personal space invaders?

You ever wonder what's actually going into your lungs when you breathe in the results of someone else's visit to the bathroom?

You know that expression, "smells like ass", is self explanatory right? Well, how do you explain the "tastes like ass" expression? Do they mean it tastes like ass smells? I'm assuming "camp butt" here or did someone actually eat some ass?

You ever see that Spongebob episode where he wants to make a sundae but all he has are expired/past due ingredients like onions and a dead peanut plant and he whips up this tasty confection, eats it, and it gives him breath that makes fishever he meets eyes turn into Xs and they float to the surface? Yeah, I gotta see someone that reminds me of this episode. Every. damn. day.

You see people breathing into their cupped hand, does that work? Or do they just smell whatever their hand has been in?

How can people in their right minds kiss each other as soon as they get up? Morning Mouth, people! Gimme toothpaste EVERY time!

You ever wonder what a cat or a dog thinks when you yawn in their face?

Why is it easier to let someone know they have something stuck in their teeth but it's so damn hard to let them know they have a touch of bad breath? I'd want to know so that I could fix the problem. I always carry gum. Could it be that it's just too personal? If that's the case, maybe we need to come up with some sort of subtle secret signal that lets the other person take care of their breath issue discreetly. Holding our noses was not what I was thinking.