You ever walk into a space (be it the office, a room, a house, etc) and it just reeks of used breath - a room full of bad breath and no oxygen? Always makes me want to hold my breath.
You ever notice how some people just seem to carry around a "brown breath" cloud that follows them and fills up small cramped ventless places? And you can't ever get away from them coz they're also personal space invaders?
You ever wonder what's actually going into your lungs when you breathe in the results of someone else's visit to the bathroom?
You know that expression, "smells like ass", is self explanatory right? Well, how do you explain the "tastes like ass" expression? Do they mean it tastes like ass smells? I'm assuming "camp butt" here or did someone actually eat some ass?
You ever see that Spongebob episode where he wants to make a sundae but all he has are expired/past due ingredients like onions and a dead peanut plant and he whips up this tasty confection, eats it, and it gives him breath that makes fishever he meets eyes turn into Xs and they float to the surface? Yeah, I gotta see someone that reminds me of this episode. Every. damn. day.
You see people breathing into their cupped hand, does that work? Or do they just smell whatever their hand has been in?
How can people in their right minds kiss each other as soon as they get up? Morning Mouth, people! Gimme toothpaste EVERY time!
You ever wonder what a cat or a dog thinks when you yawn in their face?
Why is it easier to let someone know they have something stuck in their teeth but it's so damn hard to let them know they have a touch of bad breath? I'd want to know so that I could fix the problem. I always carry gum. Could it be that it's just too personal? If that's the case, maybe we need to come up with some sort of subtle secret signal that lets the other person take care of their breath issue discreetly. Holding our noses was not what I was thinking.
2 comments:
So, Sam. . . I got noodling around FaceBook & found FIS alum, where I found Chris, who I e-mailed to see if he was really your brother, and he sent me the link to your blog! You probably don't remember, but once when you were cleaning out your locker at FIS, you threw away one of your darling cat paintings (you said the whiskers were too thick), but I loved it, snagged it, framed it, and I've had it with me ever since!!! My other Sam "tribute" is that YOU are the one who first introduced me to The Far Side. SO HOW ARE YA, SISTER?
OK, this post is just too funny for words! I laughed until tears rolled, because this is a daily occurrence for me, too. It's almost as if ass breath follows one around------at home (husband's breath is a little weird at times), at the grocery, at meetings, at the doctor's office (it's especially nice when you're a captive audience whilst lying there getting osteopathic treatment----thank God it's not that often------and thank God that you don't know who my osteopath is).
I'm gonna read this one to hubbie and Becca. HAAAAAAA!!!!
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