1) As a passenger of a SOPMSB, do not justify or rationalize the dumb-ass, stupid, moronic, idiotic, clueless, jack-ass nut-job drivers that cut her off, turn without a signal, drive 10-20 miles below the posted speed limit, pull in front of her just to turn onto the next street, and ride her butt when they see she is trapped behind a slow behemoth tanker.
2) As a pedestrian, do not attempt to cross the street unless you are in a crosswalk or feeling particularly suicidal.
3) As a store clerk, do not offer anything but the total of the purchase and keep your mouth shut about said purchases.
4) As a fitting room attendant, do not make eye contact or talk about garments being tried on. Just give her the plastic number doo-hickey and go back to your mindless tasks.
5) As a bank supervisor, do not greet the SOPMSB, do not wish her a good morning, do not come up to her and ask if she is “only making a deposit” when you see two different slips (one for cash and one for deposit) in her hand like you may be able to help her and then you can’t coz she wants cash, and do not try to make inane small talk about the day while one teller waits on the Friday paycheck crowd.
6) As a bank teller, do not ask the SOPMSB if she wants to do anything with her savings account money while diddling around with her deposit. If she’d wanted to do something, it would have been done already. Nor does she want a bank credit card, to transfer amounts, or any other damn thing you have to offer.
7) As a significant other, do not make yourself stick out. Now is the time to efface yourself as much as possible and have craved items available at all times in all places.
8) As a friend, do not try to top the SOPMSB’s recounting of the day’s/week’s issues. Just listen. And have craved items available in plentiful amounts.
9) As a telemarketer, do not call the SOPMSB or you can expect an air horn going off in your ear that has been set aside for just that purpose.
10) As a computer, do not crash, freeze, or engage in any other malfunctions or you will be immediately thrown out the window, to be followed by your damn mouse, keyboard, and monitor.
11) As inanimate objects, do not hinder, break, spill, catch, run out, rip, tip over, stain, or other acts of malice otherwise you will be going to a home you’ll regret. It’s call the dump or landfill.
12) As a pet, do not scratch or bite your SOPMSB, pee or poop where you are not supposed to, yarf on the good carpets, or trip her. It is to your benefit to provide as much unconditional love as possible.
13) As the SOPMSB yourself, try not engage in activities that are going to jump on your last nerve. Take a personal day. If this is impossible, barricade yourself and hunker down, saying as little as possible to the shiny happy people surrounding you.
Why this list? FYI for the people who cross me coz it will get worse before it gets better for them as I am one frickin' huge bloated tired SOPMSB that has had a shitty day, not to mention week.
2) As a pedestrian, do not attempt to cross the street unless you are in a crosswalk or feeling particularly suicidal.
3) As a store clerk, do not offer anything but the total of the purchase and keep your mouth shut about said purchases.
4) As a fitting room attendant, do not make eye contact or talk about garments being tried on. Just give her the plastic number doo-hickey and go back to your mindless tasks.
5) As a bank supervisor, do not greet the SOPMSB, do not wish her a good morning, do not come up to her and ask if she is “only making a deposit” when you see two different slips (one for cash and one for deposit) in her hand like you may be able to help her and then you can’t coz she wants cash, and do not try to make inane small talk about the day while one teller waits on the Friday paycheck crowd.
6) As a bank teller, do not ask the SOPMSB if she wants to do anything with her savings account money while diddling around with her deposit. If she’d wanted to do something, it would have been done already. Nor does she want a bank credit card, to transfer amounts, or any other damn thing you have to offer.
7) As a significant other, do not make yourself stick out. Now is the time to efface yourself as much as possible and have craved items available at all times in all places.
8) As a friend, do not try to top the SOPMSB’s recounting of the day’s/week’s issues. Just listen. And have craved items available in plentiful amounts.
9) As a telemarketer, do not call the SOPMSB or you can expect an air horn going off in your ear that has been set aside for just that purpose.
10) As a computer, do not crash, freeze, or engage in any other malfunctions or you will be immediately thrown out the window, to be followed by your damn mouse, keyboard, and monitor.
11) As inanimate objects, do not hinder, break, spill, catch, run out, rip, tip over, stain, or other acts of malice otherwise you will be going to a home you’ll regret. It’s call the dump or landfill.
12) As a pet, do not scratch or bite your SOPMSB, pee or poop where you are not supposed to, yarf on the good carpets, or trip her. It is to your benefit to provide as much unconditional love as possible.
13) As the SOPMSB yourself, try not engage in activities that are going to jump on your last nerve. Take a personal day. If this is impossible, barricade yourself and hunker down, saying as little as possible to the shiny happy people surrounding you.
Why this list? FYI for the people who cross me coz it will get worse before it gets better for them as I am one frickin' huge bloated tired SOPMSB that has had a shitty day, not to mention week.
2 comments:
Yikes. (But all good advice. In fact, I'll make a note of it and forward it to my own personal acquaintences when neccessary.)
Crooked letter crooked letter I,
Waaaaaassssssszzzzzzzz up?
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