Two Disturbing Commercials

Normally I just ignore the commercials that interrupt my favorite shows. I either take those few minutes to channel surf or mute them or admire my cats and/or living room. But these two commercials are just plain disturbing and whenever I see them, they give me the willies. I'm talking extreme heebie jeebies.

The first one is the Yahoo commercial with the lady in the yard. Her neighbor asks what she has and the lady says some fertilizer she saw on TV. She then sprays her garden and everything immediately gets brown, curls up and dies. Scene flashes to the beginning and the neighbor asks again what she has. The lady says it’s a fertilizer she found on Yahoo. She sprays her garden and everything instantly gets greener, bigger, and the dog buried in the garden comes back to life. That disturbs me. On so many levels. The child swinging in the tree says “Scruffy, you’ve come back to life” and hops off the swing to go hug her Pet Cemetery dog. Alhfkagoiahtoiwh I say coz yuck, ick, gross, creepy and other words just don’t cover the sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.

The second is the “Amazing Alyson” doll. She “communicates” with your daughter. She “holds conversations” and she “remembers” what she was told the day before. Her eyes do this wide open crazy psycho thing. I guess the people who designed her thought young girls’ eyes get all crazy and bug-eyed when they get excited. And her mouth moves up and down to simulate talking. Seriously, this doll is like an attractive female Chucky. I can just see her sliding off the dresser, slinking into the kitchen, and grabbing a butcher knife to off the entire family. The live girl in the commercial acts all hopped up too. Aljhdlahglahtgoy again!

Project Runway in Nutshell #10

Beginning of the show, we are treated to all the designers rationalizing their existence and why they should win… Blah Blah Blah.

Model Mix-up: Uli pulls a Zulema and steals Michael’s model muse, Nazri, from him. She justifies herself by saying you gotta take the best for yourself.

Challenge: delivered by Nina Garcia. Designers are to create an outfit that conveys their point of view as a designer and it needs to communicate a story. Designers have “complete creative freedom”. They have 30 minutes to sketch, 2 days to complete, and $250 to spend. Homework is to think of three words that encapsulate their POV.

Ideas: Jeff wants to go all romantic with a red, white, and blue outfit. Uli can’t make up her mind and tells us she is just going to have a fabric speak to her. Laura states she is going the “no risk” route and does what she does only better (so the neckline should be below the navel then). Michael has been thrown for a loop and is all confused coz he “can’t find his WOW factor” so he settles for some eggplant colored satin thingie.

Day 1: Audience is treated to Jeff’s perspective on everyone. It was rather funny but I didn’t write it down. Later he does a TieDye Superman impression in Uli’s kitchen witch dress. Michael finally finds his WOW factor after tons of sketches. Uli decides to start from scratch and takes the dress apart.

Tim saunters thru and reminds everyone that they need to “stretch themselves, wow the judges, step outside their boxes and surprise the judges, and for goodness sake, don’t bore Nina!”

Day 2: Tim tells them they need to complete their three word homework and outfit by 5:00pm, and then they will be sent out into the streets to take pics of their models in the outfits to “illustrate their stories”. Winner will be photographed by a big name photographer and featured in ELLE magazine. This means Uli doesn’t have an entire day to start over like she originally thought. Designers half-heartedly bitch about not having the full 2nd day to finish coz 6 additional hours could be the deciding factor between crap and haute couture. During picture taking time, Laura battles an elevator and gives up. I kept thinking they would pull the emergency stop button or “door open” button, but no. Pregnancy hormones definitely affected her ability to process.

Laura’s words: glamour, confidence, elegance
Michael’s words: sexy, sultry, sensuality
Uli’s words: fun, life, adventurous
Jeff’s words: provocative, irreverent, romantic

Runway time: Tim tells everyone how proud of them he is.

Uli’s review: (blue and white tiedye short dress with slit in front and tail in back) Heidi loved the new shape. Guest judge found it fresh, she could see it in a magazine, and liked the “teaspoon of skin” the slit in front revealed. Nina was thrilled that it wasn’t long and flowy and pleasantly surprised. MK hoped she gives more than a slew of print dresses for her line. I thought for someone who had no idea what she was going to do, had to start over, and wing it to put something together, she did well, it was different. But I have reservations. Winging it seemed to bring Uli to the next level. Without that pressure, I can see Uli sliding back into her loose boobie printed flowing look again.

Michael’s reviews: (some sort of crisscrossed neckline, long eggplant satiny affair) MK stated Michael’s sportswear is the way he should continue to go. Heidi thought the dress was not flattering and the keyhole cleavage wasn’t executed well. Guest judge thought he went far to past sexy. Nina liked the way Michael presents pieces and edits himself but he didn’t do that this time and he shouldn’t do evening stuff. I think Michael thought about it too much and muddled himself and his design up. He should have thought about the designs that he won and reached beyond those. I hope he does this for his line.

Jeff’s reviews: (blue V-neck top, red cumberbundlike middle, and white drawstring sacklike skirt) Guest judge labeled it dowdy and amateurish. MK said it’s not provocative but too pretty and Jeff, who usually has something to say, didn’t have anything to say. Nina was confused and surprised in a not-so-good way. Heidi thought it looked unsophisticated and milkmaidish. I thought the bottom was highly unflattering, gathering the bottom of a skirt just makes an ass look huge. I also thought it was boring. Considering Jeff’s ego, his line will probably be over the top Gwen Stefani.

Laura’s reviews: (pink flesh-toned, plunging neckline, beaded dress) Nina said it wasn’t a surprise but maybe Laura needs to get this silhouette out of her system before she can move on to something new. MK kudoed the workmanship and said it was chic, but Laura needs to broaden past the cocktail dress coz he doesn’t want to see 12 plunging necklines and beads on the runway. Guest judge stated this dress has been editorially seen many times over. Heidi said she’d wear all of Laura’s designs, but thought she was confined to one note. I thought Laura was the most consistent designer. Yes she stayed with one idea, but isn’t a line basically variations on one idea or silhouette and then the next collection is more or less than the collection before?. No one really jumps all over the place, especially when just starting out. And, really, how out of the box can you be if you want to sell your stuff? Most of the wild stuff is one of a kind and you don’t see it walking down the street or on the red carpet (unless worn by Bjork).

Winner: Uli
Out: No one. Everyone is going to Olympus Fashion Week. Tim is happy because “he was sweating bullets about who was going to have to go home”.

Guilty Movie Pleasures

I’d rather read than get all the audio-visual equipment movie-ready, but sometimes I have a hankering to watch actual moving scenes instead of imagining them in my head. These movies are ones I watch whenever they’re on TV and I’m slowly collecting the DVDs so I can watch them commercial free sometimes.

1) Better Off Dead: It doesn’t get any better than this early 80’s movie. I lived in Germany at the time this movie came out and a friend of mine got me hooked on it. We watched it at every sleepover and party. We quoted dialogue at school and made ourselves giggle whenever we did. The Asian Howard Cosell wannabe, Rickie’s mother squeezing the French girl’s cheeks together to make her say “Christmas, Chrrrriiiiizzzzmaassss”, Rickie jumping after his balloon at the school dance, the juvenile newspaper boy who just wants “my two dollars”, the younger brother who is a mix of Hugh Hefner and a mad scientist, the absent-minded but loving mother who vacuums the house and nearly strangles her son, the father in the moose suit, the best friend who is trying to score some drugs and says ‘buck up little camper” all the time, the animated David Lee Roth hamburger, and so many other moments of pure foolishness and giggledom.

2) Night of the Demons: When I was in college, I was PERSONALLY invited to this movie by Angela, the main demon. The invitation in my general college mailbox (how I miss that mailbox of constant notes, secret sorority sister things, roses and mash notes from boyfriend and other admirers, newsletters, etc) said that “Freddy and Jason were too scared to come” but me and my friend surely weren’t. We took our pillows, got someone to drive us to the boondock movie theater, arranged to be picked back up, showed the invite, and found our seats. We settled down and watched close to two hours of pure movie horror cheese but what fun it was. I’ve made it a tradition to watch this every Halloween. One of the lead characters is a B-movie/possible porn queen so this gives you some idea of how campy it is. The special effects were decent (not good, but decent), the house was truly creepy, and despite the newbie bad acting, it all worked. Of course the blonde virgin lives and so does the superstitious black kid, but the mean spirited old man, who puts razor blades in apples, gets it and his wife was the one who baked the pie with the leftover apples. I love how she pats him with a little good-natured smile after his head has fallen into his plate. She meant to pop him off.

3) Flash Gordon: This is another movie from my pre-teen years. We lived in Germany and always visited this family that would get videotapes from the States with three movies apiece on them. So we’d be downstairs watching movie after movie and Flash was one of them. Because I was the eldest and the bossiest, I made sure we watched it every time we visited. Flash has extremely bad special effects, super exaggerated costumes, very stereotypical characters, and the entire soundtrack is by Queen. It rocks! A young Timothy Dalton is in it but I prefer(red) Sam J. Jones. If they were trying to make a moving comic book, they succeeded. If they were trying to make a serious sci-fi action movie, they missed.

4) Dangerous Liaisons: This movie is a guilty pleasure because I can watch again right after I’ve already watched it. It is also one of the rare movies that follow the book it’s based on pretty closely besides being visually stunning. I find John Malkovich in the role of Valmont extremely attractive (long hair, ah). His voice alone can send me into the stratosphere. The three core actors (Glenn Close, Michelle Pfeiffer, and John) are totally believable and I forget I’m watching actors playing parts. Not so with Keanu Reeve and Uma Thurman – they’re newbies and very stilted but as they’re playing young clueless people, I don’t mind so much.

5) When Harry Met Sally: I watch this one every time it comes on TV, every time. The only reason I own it is because my friend K got me a movie at Wal-Mart for a Christmas present and it was a movie I didn’t want to own (bad movie – she thought I would like it coz it was “scary”). She said I could exchange it, so I did. It was a “bargain” movie and apparently “W H M S” fell into that low level category. I figured I should get it so that eventually when TV stops putting it on, I could still watch it. Somehow the incongruous pairing of Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal, the odd way they keep popping up in each other’s lives, their respective match-making efforts for each other backfiring into their friends pairing up, and the little homey details of their “lives” just makes me want to curl up on the couch with a cup of hot cocoa, 3 cats, and a down cover while it rains or snows like the dickens outside.

6) Clueless and Legally Blonde: I love these because they aren’t trying to be serious, they aren’t trying to impress, and they are both just poking good-hearted tongue-firmly-in-cheek fun at Jane Austen and blondes respectively. Not to mention the fashionista in me takes in all the clothes. Oh, and Alicia and Reese have fabulous-to-die-for hair in these movies. “As if!” and “Like it’s hard!” are two of my favorite quotes.

Solution to "The Mystery in the Orient"

The charred note made out to Cedric Agar by the car's owner establishes the owner as Leonard Ball or Alfred Huntley. As we find in (4) that Leonard Ball is not the car owner, we know that Alfred Huntley is. In (1) and (2) we see that the still living man and Ball are married while (3) and (4) show that the car owner is unmarried. Consequently Alfred Huntley (the unmarried man) is not the survivor and as Leonard Ball is eliminated as the living man in (4), the survivor is Cedric Agar.

The Edward is correct

As far as the high powered American car being driven irresponsibly in the Orient, that's a bit confusing to me. I thought high powered cars were synonymous with foreign made cars. But that's just me. Oh well.

I Got It, I Got It!!

(No, not an STD, that would be impossible, like the Immaculate Conception!)

Well, the raging waves of PMS have receded and I am back to normal. Whatever that means. I had a very relaxing weekend. Plenty of book/nap/cat/raining-so-no-outdoor-chore-time! And my father treated me to Chinese food and I treated him to Dairy Queen.

On Saturday, I did wake up at the butt crack of dawn to go to a “school sale”. This is where the school department of my town sells all the things they’ve put aside as outdated, no longer needed, no longer functioning, been replaced, and too used to keep using at the school. I think they save this stuff all year and then have a big sale in September. I went a few years ago and didn’t find what I wanted. Oh, they had plenty of easels, books, AV equipment, desks, chairs, tables, etc but not what I have wanted ever since my college days. An opaque projector. A REAL opaque projector. You education majors from the late 80’s to early 90’s know what I’m talking about.

I get there at 7:00am unshowered but teeth brushed, with my PJs under a sweatshirt, my hair in a pony tail, my glasses on, and a book. The sale didn’t start until 8:00am but earlier in the week, my mom had listened in to the School Board meeting and heard they were going to be selling an opaque projector. So my ass was there way early because I was bound and determined to get it. Being an early bird has definite advantages.

Finally at 10 of 8, I get out of the car and stretch and the seller guy told me I could look around while he went to put the signs up. He left and I browsed, never really leaving the vicinity of my OP. One of those families who home-school their kids, the females have to wear dresses and white hairbun doilies, the males have too short pants and I think suspenders, and they have their own farm showed up (the wife told the husband he would get whatever he wanted as “she had the farm checkbook”). So I held onto my OP as they were swarming all over everything and I was taking NO chances. The guy came back and I asked how much the OP was.

Guess how much this behemoth piece of equipment was….

Come on, you’ll never guess. I was expecting anything from $20 to $100 coz it is a major piece of equipment.

It was $2.00!!!

Color me flabbergasted, flummoxed, and extremely thrilled. I forked over a $20 bill and got 18 brand spankin’ new one dollar bills in return. He had me count them after giving them to me coz new bills tend to muckle onto each other.

I took my gift from the Universe back home and immediately set about de-dusting it. I even smooshed a spider (sorry! It wouldn’t let me catch it to put it outside, so it rained for the day, old timey superstition - kill a spider it will rain) that had made a home in there. I turned it on prior to dusting and the “hot” smell just encouraged me all the more to dust right then. It works and after the thorough dusting, no more “hot” smell.

So now I am a proud owner of a REAL opaque projector like the one I fell in love with at college and used to completely decorate my dorm room in a kick-ass fashion. Life-size Calvin and Hobbes, no one else had that. Oh, and plenty of sorority stuff too. I even used it to design one of our formals’ T-shirts-as-favors. Yeah, those were the days. Now I think I might do some big pics of something as my bedroom walls are very bare.

Mini-Mystery Monday

Mystery in the Orient
(pages 115-116 in “Minute Mysteries” by Austin Ripley)

As the Professor sauntered through the narrow back street of Singapore, his observing eyes spotted the man, in clever disguise, whom he had trailed half-way round the world. At that moment, a native plain-clothes man stepped to his side and whispered.

Fordney indicated the suspect, got into a police car, and drove forty-five miles in the country. There in a roadside ditch lay the bodies of three men, their high powered American car wrecked nearby. Two of the men were dead, the third, unconscious, was taken to a hospital.

From examination of their clothing, Fordney ascertained all were U.S. citizens. Though there was no personal identification on any of them, the criminologist learned from papers in the car, the three men were Leonard Ball, Cedric Agar, and Alfred Huntley. Among the papers was a charred check made out to Cedric Agar from the car’s owner. The following is the only other information Fordney could secure from their clothing and car:

1) Leonard Ball’s wife was a well-known novelist writing under a pseudonym.
2) The wife of the living man was an extremely wealthy woman who had threatened to divorce her husband if his infidelities continued.
3) The car owner had secretly encouraged her, and the living man only recently discovered the fact.
4) Married to the survivor’s wife’s cousin, Leonard Ball, had tried to effect reconciliation between the survivor and his wife, and had upbraided the car owner, engaged to a planter’s daughter, for his attitude.

Fordney checked his notes, then sent a cable to the living man’s wife.

Who is the survivor of the accident?

A Bit About My Love of Books

I love LOVE LOVE books. I can’t wait to sink into the Chair of Death and luxuriate with a pile of books, three cats, and a down comforter with a side of a tall glass of water. I will spend an inordinate amount of time in various bookstores. Time just flies because I have to look at everything. Reading is my drug of choice. During a weekend with nothing to do, I can typically go through 4-6 books, depending on subject-matter.

Tell you a little secret… I sniff books. Of course it depends on the book. Some paper and ink doesn’t smell so good to me or the book is infested with nicotine or mold (YUCK). Some bookscents can take me right back down memory lane. I recently bought a used edition of a book I read as a pre-teen, and when I sniff the pages, boom, I am right back in the house I used to live in back then, friends’ faces come swarming up, I practically re-live the games and things we used to play, and strangely enough even the weather comes back.

I like small typeface. I know it is hard on my eyes, but I think my preference harks back to my younger days when the print was smaller then (in the 70’s and early 80’s). To pad out a book, today’s print is mega-sized and indicates to me that it is a book I don’t want to read. Nor do I like the hardback books with huge margins around their print. Aesthetics, my ass, it’s to make the book thicker so you have to pay more. I also get turned off with books that have the beginning of their next book (that isn’t even off the presses yet) in the back of the book.

When looking at a book, I will open up in the middle and read a paragraph or two. If the writing doesn’t hook me right away, I will either skip to another section to check to make sure it isn’t going to appeal to me or just close it and move on. Typically, I know right away if it’s something I am going to buy or not.

I’m a re-reader too. I have some books in my library that I read once a year, like A Christmas Carol (at the appropriate season of course), a Stephen King book (one of his older ones, not much into his newer stuff), or a book from my teen years – like the Anne of Green Gables series. I have an entire small bookcase in my bedroom that is full of books I haven’t gotten to yet and 7 large bookcases of books I’ve already read in my living room. As a kid, I always loved how everyone in the “old-time” stories had a library in their house (granted there was a tendency for bodies to be discovered in them) and now that I am a so-called grown-up, I am attempting to create my own library (and doing a damn fine job I must say).

I have divided all my books into categories:
--Speculative non-fiction
--Horror/Terror/Scarey stories (mostly older, newer stuff is not as good)
--Fictional ghost stories (again the older stuff – Victorian/Edwardian)
--“Real” ghost stories
--Vampires
--Lovecraftiana
--Gothic themes (not the cheap bodice rippers of today, but the oldies)
--Stories with a hint of otherworldliness/fantasy
--Queen Elizabeth I
--Movie star bios from 20’s/30’s/40’s/50's
--Marilyn Monroe
--Empress Josephine and related themes
--Marie Antoinette and related themes
--Mary Queen of Scots and related themes
--Catherine de’ Medici, Catherine the Great, and assorted misc queens
--Cleopatra and other Egyptian themes
--Oriental-themed stories/books
--“Outside of morality” books
--Alfred Hitchcock anthologies
--True crime
--Fictional Crime/Detective/Murder anthologies/collections
--Sherlockiania/Solar Pons
--Ellery Queen anthologies
--Agatha Christie short story collections
--Humorous, mostly Southern, themes (coz they’re all kinds of crazy)
--Science Fiction (takes up a bookcase all its own)
--Miscellaneous – not enough to have section of own or uncategorizable
--Books from my early childhood/pre-teen/teenager times, and a ton of children’s books

My living room smells like books. Warm fur and books – nothing better, unless we sneak the smell of freshly baked brownies into the mix.

What NOT To Do With a Stressed Out PMS Beeyotch On Your Hands

1) As a passenger of a SOPMSB, do not justify or rationalize the dumb-ass, stupid, moronic, idiotic, clueless, jack-ass nut-job drivers that cut her off, turn without a signal, drive 10-20 miles below the posted speed limit, pull in front of her just to turn onto the next street, and ride her butt when they see she is trapped behind a slow behemoth tanker.

2) As a pedestrian, do not attempt to cross the street unless you are in a crosswalk or feeling particularly suicidal.

3) As a store clerk, do not offer anything but the total of the purchase and keep your mouth shut about said purchases.

4) As a fitting room attendant, do not make eye contact or talk about garments being tried on. Just give her the plastic number doo-hickey and go back to your mindless tasks.

5) As a bank supervisor, do not greet the SOPMSB, do not wish her a good morning, do not come up to her and ask if she is “only making a deposit” when you see two different slips (one for cash and one for deposit) in her hand like you may be able to help her and then you can’t coz she wants cash, and do not try to make inane small talk about the day while one teller waits on the Friday paycheck crowd.

6) As a bank teller, do not ask the SOPMSB if she wants to do anything with her savings account money while diddling around with her deposit. If she’d wanted to do something, it would have been done already. Nor does she want a bank credit card, to transfer amounts, or any other damn thing you have to offer.

7) As a significant other, do not make yourself stick out. Now is the time to efface yourself as much as possible and have craved items available at all times in all places.

8) As a friend, do not try to top the SOPMSB’s recounting of the day’s/week’s issues. Just listen. And have craved items available in plentiful amounts.

9) As a telemarketer, do not call the SOPMSB or you can expect an air horn going off in your ear that has been set aside for just that purpose.

10) As a computer, do not crash, freeze, or engage in any other malfunctions or you will be immediately thrown out the window, to be followed by your damn mouse, keyboard, and monitor.

11) As inanimate objects, do not hinder, break, spill, catch, run out, rip, tip over, stain, or other acts of malice otherwise you will be going to a home you’ll regret. It’s call the dump or landfill.

12) As a pet, do not scratch or bite your SOPMSB, pee or poop where you are not supposed to, yarf on the good carpets, or trip her. It is to your benefit to provide as much unconditional love as possible.

13) As the SOPMSB yourself, try not engage in activities that are going to jump on your last nerve. Take a personal day. If this is impossible, barricade yourself and hunker down, saying as little as possible to the shiny happy people surrounding you.

Why this list? FYI for the people who cross me coz it will get worse before it gets better for them as I am one frickin' huge bloated tired SOPMSB that has had a shitty day, not to mention week.

Sunny Sunday Morning PreFlea Panic Mode

Here are the sunbeaming duo enjoying the rays before their mama goes on flea annihilation rampage Tuesday afternoon and evening.

My Dots Have Been Thoroughly Agitated!!

So I call the vet coz Doodle has this "dirty chin" thing happening. At first I thought it was blackheads and then found they were actually little dried blood blobs. The person on the other end of the phone tells me this chin issue is a sign of FLEAS!!!

OH. MY. GOD. Are you completely bullshitting me? The massive vermaphobe that is me is now apeshit. Completely apeshit and ripshit!!!

No she was not. She was serious and as she kept talking, all these random incidents - Moomin going to town scratching his neck area (I thought he was just being a perseverative kitten, you know, scratching is fun and then I attack my back leg because it's moving), Hobbes' watery eyes, and the bites on my ass and under my chin (I thought they were from left over mosquitos).

The lady told me that even tho I have indoor cats, I can still bring the fleas or flea in the house, transferring it from some place I have been that has fleas. I know exactly where too. That's what makes it worse. My intuition, which I shunted aside that day I went to that house, was telling me that I should take precautions (meaning, leaving my shoes in the non-cat entrance and stripping in the basement). I did not listen. I thought it could never happen. Well, goddamnit, it did and has.

So the frenzy I was whipped into at work encouraged my co-workers to send me home to get the FrontLine and the mist spray that would start the annihilation. I went, purchased with arm and leg, and started the offensive.

Cats were fine with being FrontLined on their shoulder blades. Not so fine with all of them being confined in the spare room while I "misted" the rest of the house. I had to leave midway thru to purchase another can of mist coz I have more dark places than I thought where fleas like to breed. I inhaled the mist which the directions specifically said not to. My tongue was actually coated. Now I know that is NOT good, so I tried to swab it off. Had a headache and sore throat all night.

Once the rooms where the cats were not were done, I had to wait 10 minutes before I could let them out. I had all the fans going in the house to encourage the mist to settle and dry quicker. Doodle opened the door (she's a regular Houdini) and the cats were literally "out of the bag", roaming the misted house.

After all the misting was done, I had to wash all my dishes (coz they got misted on accident) while my bedding (read: every damn pillow, case, sheet, fitted sheet, duvet, cover, stuffed animal, and etc) and throws had to be put in the dryer for 20 minutes on high heat.

I multi-tasked - plucked my eyebrows, roasted green beans, clipped cat and human claws, called my grandfather, called my friend J2, called my mom, called my dad, and basically fell into the Chair of Death when "Dead Like Me" came on at 7:00pm.

And the frosting on the agitated dot day, was I received a prank phone call at 5 minutes to 11:00pm. And this wasn't some dumbass pre-teen, this was an adult male getting off on himself. I just hung up on him and went back to bedtime reading. I thought that was the best response to avoid any stalker-type behavior from resulting.

I'm exhausted. Tired. Flea-ish. And ready to go back to bed but I can't, heigh-ho and everything.

Solution to the Homicidal Hunter

Both The Edward and madpuppy are correct!!!

Edward, you do drive with the Sheriff up the mountain, check that second paragraph again or don't if you want to remain convinced a guy named Ed could never be a murderer and the Sheriff did it.

"The suspect is Ed Henson. The clue is the horizontal position of the arrow, since he was the only one standing on the same level with the victim at the time of the murder."

'Til next Monday, mystery lovers!

When Bad Fashion Happens to Good People

Here are some scary-ass pictures, folks. Not only do I have hair issues but I also have clothing issues in this series of pictures. The pictures that are not me are from a Bad Fashion Book and I tried to match my pics to the style indicated.

This is the infamous bowl/Dorothy Hammill (sp) haircut. See me below.


Not only do I have the bowl/Dorothy hair goin' on, I have the quintessential 70's outfit on. Those are peach bell bottoms, y'all!

Now I am not wearing an official tube top and I could have put this outfit with the body suit, but I felt the built-in-bra made more of a tube top statement than the overall lace body suit effect.

This is my nod to MC Hammer's parachute pants. Notice the LARGE hair and the white see-thru pirate sleeved shirt. I am SO stylin'.

Now, this was my total favorite outfit. Bicycle shorts unitard with a crop top on top - you know, so I could show off my flat stomach and sista's ass. The very big hair is just added oomph factor!

Promised Project Pictures

My friend, who is going to have a baby any moment now, has a poem from her childhood stuck in her head about a tree house. She can't remember the author, but the image the poem created is something she hasn't ever forgotten. So, the muse bullied me around last week and I created tree house pictures for the baby's nursery. I thought she would like to look at them while she nurses and that the baby can exercise her imagination as she grows up (kind of like I did with a childhood circus picture I had). Now I can't take full credit for the actual line drawings. I used my opaque projector to blow them up, but because of inherent fuzziness, I did have to wing it and fill in details on my own. I thought putting the cloud fabric behind would add to the ambiance and "in the sky" factor I was looking for.

Mini-Mystery Monday

The Case of the Homicidal Hunter

(pgs 53-54 in "Solv-A-Crime" by A.C. Gordon)

Sheriff Henderson is on the phone. “Hunting accident. Peculiar kind of hunting, too. With bows and arrows. One of the hunters ended up as the bull’s eye. I think it was murder. I’ll pick you up in 10 minutes.” The sheriff never wastes words.

You drive with him up a mountain road until a forest ranger flags you down. The ranger leads you thru dense undergrowth to a clearing where three somber-looking men are standing. Your eyes follow theirs – and you see a man’s body pinned flat against a pine tree by an arrow, the shaft protruding horizontally from his blood-stained chest.

One of the hunters blurts out, “My name is Arlen. I was down the slope, stalking some game, when I heard Tom here cry out! I struggled up the hill and found him pinned to that tree by that arrow! It was too late to do anything!”

Ed Henson was the second. “I was closet to Tom, I guess – on the other side of this clearing. But my back was toward him, and I was about to make my way to higher ground. Then I heard the arrow whistle by me from up there – and then I heard Tom crying out in pain!”

“Oh no you don’t!” cries the third man, Vernon Lane, “That’s a barefaced lie, and you know it! You’re trying to pin this murder on me! I was up that slope all right, but I didn’t shoot that arrow!”

Then you say, “If all of you are telling the truth about your whereabouts at the time of the killing, one of you has practically confessed.”

Whom do you suspect and why?

Sorry this is an easy one, I have other posts to do today!

Quickie

I am in the midst of a ton of work and have nothing witty or of value to say. So that being said (snark snark)...

Happy Full Frontal Friday!

Have a good weekend!

Do something I would never do (which would be many things)!

Create something!

I will return Monday with a dash of bad fashion, a pic of me participating in my own fashion don't, and several pics of project working on that should be finished this weekend.

Ciao!!!

Rockstar Supernova Newsflash

Lukas won. BLAH-UGH! He's utterly horrible. UTTERLY!!!! HORRIBLE!!!

I called my mom and all she could say was "I won, I won". Guess that's because she knew he was going to win as Toby is a general overall idiot and the band followed thru with their original comment of not having a woman be the front person.

Too bad, Dilana has a much better voice than Lukas and she ends up with consolation prizes of having Jason and Dave back her up musically on her "upcoming" album.

Lukas sings poorly with the band at the end of the show. Boy does the band have their work cut out for them to get him concert ready for January.

Project Runway in Nutshell #9

Heidi, wearing a curtain, tells our intrepid designers she will announce the challenge at a party later that day and there will be “special guests”. Laura is in a tight black baby bump showing dress. Jeff said “it’s never a party.” I guess he’s harking back to his drug and alcohol induced frenzies back in the day.

Designers show up at “The Pink Elephant” and champagne is a’poppin’. Kayne so wants the guests to be Destiny’s Child. This boy has glitter and sparkles on the brain and looks for any excuse to use them. Heidi comes in and drops the major bombshell that the 2 surprise guests are….. [drum roll please]….. Vincent (what crock) and Angela (double crock) who is wearing yet ANOTHER bubble skirt. Heidi reminds designers that winning had perks and getting a second chance is the perk as both Angela and Vincent each won a challenge. Heidi told the two guests they would have to win to stay and that three designers are going home this challenge. Kayne promptly chugs his champagne and equates V and A with cockroaches. Uli said this was “no party” and Jeff implies Angela is “special needs”. Heidi gives an uber cheerful “bye” while the models stream in and designers down lots of champagne. Jeff struggles to say what the good news is and is unable to.

Laura snarks about how Angela’s win was really a group effort and it’s not fair she came back because basically Michael and Laura carried her ass over the finish line for that Macy’s challenge. Angela, of course, thinks Laura is wrong as it was “her design”.

Challenge: to design a cocktail outfit using only black AND white fabric. Tim tells them that the designers will have to prove themselves and “it’s really about design and silhouette of the outfit”. They are to use only black AND white and ALL of the fabric they buy, even the scraps. Everyone has a “Whafa?” moment and gets the panic forehead wrinkles.

Ideas: Kayne goes with “an edited version” of himself and totally forgets the directions “black AND white” while in the fabric store. Laura worries about “youthfulness” and thinks a babydoll dress with a square neckline is the way to go. Uli is going the “hippie beach party cocktail dress with prints” route yet again. Michael decides to go all asymmetrical and off the shoulder with a cummerbund. Angela wants to do a leather shrug with a lined Edwardian collar. Jeff does his usual “rock and roll” mini dress with leather-like thigh high leggings. Vincent doesn’t really have a plan of action but pleats will be part of it and he accidentally gets an extra ½ yard of fabric unbeknownst to him which puts him in a major tailspin. I think the universe is underlining the fact he shouldn’t be back.

More Angela-bashing from Jeff. My stars, just stop already! Michael lets Kayne know that the hooker factor of his [Kayne’s] dress is too high and Kayne takes the advice with a grain of southern salt. Laura enters a complaining and whining phase and her model tries to give creative suggestions. My advice, the model should just be a voiceless hanger around a stressed-out hormonal pregnant woman.

Tim swans thru the room. Likes Uli’s but cautions her not to make the scrap necklace too heavy, reminds Mr. Glue-Everything-Together (Vincent) he needs to use ALL the fabric, says something to Jeff I can’t remember, jumps on the fact Kayne goofed and didn’t get anything white but a cheap-ass looking ribbon, points out Michael’s unfinished edge and “transparent” look, abruptly tells Angela she’s too ambitious, and when he finally gets to Laura, she gets all sobby on him coz she’s in a self-doubting slough of despondency. Make it work!

Runway Day

Laura gets phone love from hubby and is all refreshed. We are treated to another naked upper body shot of Kayne and his mini-man-boobs. Vincent is informed his model had an accident, he will be getting a replacement, and because the replacement is bigger, V has issues besides the never-ending cacophony in his head.

Angela: strangely cut black dress with HUGE white stand-up collar, sort of like the Jerry Seinfeld puffy shirt.
Michael: dress like mentioned in Ideas above and the cummerbund has floral detailing with matching handbag.
Vincent: white pleated bodice, short black skirt, and honkin’ huge scarfy shawly affair.
Laura: black lace over white, black fringe on bottom with some beading and flattering cappy sleeves. Not babydollish or elderly at all. I thought it was very well made and flattering.
Jeff: thigh high wrinkly leggings that made the model’s skinny-ass legs look elephantish with a ugly mixed prints dress of some short sort. Ugh.
Uli: again with the loose boobies multi-printed style but shorter with detached sleeves that were as long as the dress.
Kayne: high necked black dress, very simple in front with a white ribbon web design encircling the model’s back. Understated for him as it wasn’t bedazzled all up.

Judge raves: Michael, coz he knows presentation and proportions. Laura, coz she didn’t design solely for herself, maintained her point of view but moved forward.

Judge so-so’s: Uli, coz it was nicely made and moved easily but sleeves too long and she stayed in her one note range. Kayne, coz he listened to the advice to calm his taste down, he’s learning who he is, the front was elegant but the back was “Mr. Jekyll”, overall design not sophisticated enough, and the white was too minimal.

Judge razzes: Angela, coz her outfit was an overwhelming, costumey, cheap vampire look and she stuffed a hard handbag with tons of extra fabric. Jeff, coz his outfit was cheap, not luxurious enough, too much Gwen Stefani, and he stayed in his one note range of what he thinks is rock’n’roll. And Vincent, coz he was cheap and not chic (what a surprise), skirt was too short, he should have used the table runner he made to lengthen the skirt, and he doesn’t have a sense of proportion.

Winner: Laura, after all her complaining, self-doubting, sobbing, and going all hormonal on us, she designed a lovely dress that I can totally see in a store window.

Out: Angela, who said she “loved and hated every minute of the experience being on Project Runway”. Vincent, who thinks “he makes beautiful music and is damn good at it”. I guess he thinks that because he’s mostly busy trying to conduct the orchestra playing in his head. And Kayne, who “loves clothing and eventually wants to get out of pageants, he didn’t mind airing his dirty laundry on TV”, and so he leaves all optimistic. You get on with your bad self, you southern charmer you!

Jeff was in the last two. He might want to listen to that.

For the Ones Who Want a Peep

Here is my living room. This was taken last Sunday late in the afternoon.

This is the Chair of Death. Me and the cats frequently fall asleep in this chair no matter how hard we try to stay awake. The door is my front door.

This is my love seat area with a couple sets of bookcases. Notice how full they are. The doorway is to my dining room.

This is my big couch, door is to a closet, and one set of many bookcases. The TV is in the corner after the bookcase.

My decorating scheme is COLOR COLOR COLOR!!! and comfort. And BOOKS BOOKS BOOKS!!!

Sorry, No Rockstar Rundown

I was listening to MY muse last night instead of watching Rockstar. I had it on in the background, but honestly I wasn't listening as they were going to sing their same original songs from last week and another icky cover song (read: I am SO tired of Coldplay, whiny-ass music, it's not heavy metal, c'mon folks, get serious). I did hear the band kudoing everyone, sort of like their last supper before getting fried.

I have had this idea for a couple months and it just gelled ("I'm gellin', are you gellin'?") together and I HAD to start working on it and I needed a darkened room for the opaque projector to work properly. Last night was the pencilling. Today I get high on black permanent markers for phase 2 of said project. This means the cats will too as they love to participate in an "on the floor project". So let's hear it for killing brain cells. Who needs 'em anyway? I'll take pics of the finished project so you all can see it.

Project Runway tonight!

Solution To The Frightened Playboy

Only someone aware of Lawry's recent night habits would have prepared a "snack" of milk, sandwich, and cake at 7:00am. Had Clara Miley really been just a maid, she would have fixed breakfast, like coffeed, juice, eggs, etc.

Good sleuthing Edward!

Mini-Mystery Monday

Hey all, I love reading mysteries but I am not a very good detective – I tend to get distracted and can’t keep what I think are the clues straight in my head. I have several books that have minute mysteries (sort of like remedial mysteries for folks like me) where all the clues are given to you in a “mystery shotglass”. The solutions are given on the next page or upside down. Some of them are frightfully easy and others aren’t so obvious. I thought I would share one each Monday for a while and give you the solution the next day. Please comment with your solutions. I look forward to all your sleuthy goodness. Note: please excuse the dated language, womanly slurs, other goobery wording, and constant name repetition; these are pre-PC (political correctness).

The Case of the Frightened Playboy
(page 49-50 in “Still More Two-Minute Mysteries” by Donald J. Sobal)

Answering an urgent telephone summons from the playboy, Jeff Lawry, Dr. Haledjian arrived at Lawry’s penthouse a minute before seven a.m.

A tall woman was waiting at the penthouse door.

In a moment, Haledjian and the tall woman were admitted by Lawry, who was clad in a bathrobe and green pajamas. He greeted Dr. Haledjian and stared suspiciously at the woman.

“I’m Clara Miley,” she said. “The agency sent me.”

“The new maid,” exclaimed Lawry, obviously relieved. “Your room is that one. The kitchen is in the rear. I was about to have something to eat. Do you mind fixing me something?”

The woman strode off obediently. Lawry led Haledjian into the study and carefully closed the door.

“I’ve lived in absolute terror,” confided the playboy, “since I saw those men rob the bank last week. Do you know what I’ve been doing? Sleeping days and sneaking out nights!”

“Suppose we talk with Inspector Winters at headquarters,” suggested Haledjian. “He’ll give you protection.”

“Not this morning,” said Lawry wearily. “I’ve been awake all night. I’m going to bed.”

Just then Clara Miley entered the study with a tray.

“I’ve fixed you a snack, sir,” she said.

“That looks just fine,” said Lawry, glancing at the glass of milk, ham sandwich, and layer cake. He picked up the milk.

“Don’t drink it!” shouted Haledjian, seizing the new maid.

WHAT ALARMED HALEDJIAN?

Nothing But Flower Photos Today

3 Flower Photos:

These are pictures of the flowers at the baby shower that I went to last weekend and I experimented with taking them up close and personal. Beautiful!!

Baby cat Moomin is doing fine. Due to upper respiratory issues, he gets all "veklempt" when under stress and apparently having surgery on your balls is stressful. Vet said he'd be breathing normally again in 2-4 days.

Project Runway in Nutshell #8

This isn’t going to be much of a rundown. I spent most of my time last night dividing my attention between the show and my newly neutered cat who developed a retching cough and subsequent juicy/crackling breathing as soon as the show started. So between checking to make sure he was still breathing when he wasn’t moving, trying to see if he peed in the litterbox, and shining a flashlight on his “parts” to make sure he hadn’t busted them wide open with all the post-op wobbly jumping he was doing, I managed to catch the main parts of Project Runway. That being said…

Challenge: create a couture gown using “couture techniques” – meaning most of the dress should be by hand. The time limit for this “hand sewing” project was two days.

Jeff had immunity so no matter what flamboyant outfit he created, he wasn’t going home. He said his goal is to be the first immunized winner to win again.

Hotel. Designers walked in the Louvre’s vicinity interspersed with shots of Laura’s trademark plunging neckline. Dinner with Tim at a tiny French restaurant.

Day 1
Sketching. Shopping for fabric. Back to Parsons to start working immediately.

Ideas: Uli said she was avoiding crazy prints and colors. Laura was going to work with her plunging neckline. Michael wanted to go “all curvy and shaped”. Kayne latched onto his love of shiny gold fabrics. Vincent went with ivory and Laura stated “he is a legend in his own mind”. Jeff used the Statue of Liberty for inspiration but with yellow plaid fabric.

Day 2
That morning, Jeff antagonized Vincent, who wanted, like, 5 more minutes of dozing time, with his loud battery operated shaver.

Tim visited.

Many shots of Laura’s tied-at-the-waist white button down shirt so that her belly popped out between shirt and pants. She also went on about how physically abysmal it was being 3 months pregnant.

Total designer bashing free for all. No one had any positives to say about each other.

Dress Presentation Day
Vincent took the handmade concept back to design elementary school and used copious amounts of glue to finish his garment. Tim had asked him to sew the hem; Vincent instead listened to the spoiled brat in his head and just went ahead and glued it up. Michael had to do some major taking in as his model was smaller than he designed for. And he was all bestirred about his amateurish ruching job. And Poor Michael’s problems continued on the walk to the boat where the dresses were to attend a party by the unpronounceable designer. Michael’s dress got egged by some obnoxious boy on a balcony. The French designer asked the designers their inspiration as she judged the dresses. Most everyone was able to talk coherently to her with the major exception of, guess who, Vincent. He avoided answering the direct question asking him what his inspiration was and went on in a very icky, stalkerish, truly creepy, raising the hair-on-the-back-of-the-neck way about how he admired “the Katherine”. I liked Laura’s fringe dress she had on (yes it matched her skin tone, but my, it was pretty). Tim said Katherine’s scores would be added to those back in New York.

Runway Day back in New York

Uli – light bluey mauvey flowing dress with twists of material for seams, straps, and ties with some sparkles on the loose boobies. Judges thought it was a more “toned down choice and grown up”. It was pretty, just not my taste.

Kayne – gold bodice laced asymmetrically up the back with off center gold/bronze chiffony skirt. Judges said it “was very busy, he throws it all in there, he needs to hold back”. MK said he liked the skirt but the bodice was too much. I liked the way it moved and flattered both models. Kayne, in my opinion, finally redeemed his last few “bad choice” challenges.

Jeff – MUCH flowing yellow plaid with ties in the back and a long skirt. Judges said he took the biggest chance and it worked, “it was youthful, fresh, new, colorful, hip, and fashion forward”. I wasn’t able to decide what I thought about it.

Vincent – did his usual trademark ivory straitjacket sheath. Does anyone else notice that none of Vincent’s long dresses allow the models ease of movement? They all have to walk like they are trying to hold a stick up their butts. He avoided answering the judges question on what he had actually handsewn on the dress. I would have loved to hear what their reactions would have been when Vincent ‘fessed up to mostly gluing his awful creation together. Judges didn’t like it and neither did I. Those sleeves! Awful bad.

Michael – blue hand-ruched affair. Michael had already admitted his dress was below par execution-wise and the judges did jump on this. The guest judge had him tuck the scallops (“bunny ears” Heidi called them) into the neckline and it VERY much improved the look of the dress. I hope Michael takes this for the positive learning experience this appeared to me to be.

Laura – long black dress with white ruffled plunging neckline and cuffs. Judges told her she should have “taken the fraying further, the dress doesn’t feel new, and it’s old and done before”. MK stated “shorten the skirt and give her a feather duster and she’d be a French maid”. He also said “it’s like a big block of fabric that just died”. I thought it looked a bit like a cross between Morticia Addams and a French maid.

Winner: Jeff again, but no immunity.
Out: Finally Vincent. Finally.

Some Thoughts on Being a Single 30-Something in a Multi-Person World

It can be lonely at times. Well, let’s be honest. Many times. Most of my friends are married, married with kids, or just have the kids. So trying to arrange something to do with them is like trying to book an appointment with an extremely busy overworked doctor. Spur of the moment social opportunities? Nah. Just popping over? Nah. Hey, can you come to the such and such party I’ve put together? Sure. Couple days later or the day of said party – “I can’t coz 1) babysitter cancelled, 2) friend/offspring/spouse sick, 3) family issues (read: husband is so needy he raised a complete fuss over friend spending time with me or extended family is in crisis), 4) unexpected extended family plans crop up, 5) weather, or 6) some other family/spousal events. Now, I’m not denying that things come up and certainly I don’t depend on my friends to provide me with a life, but it’s hard to deal with the social urge when no one is available.

Now I like being alone. I have a lot of interests that do not involve a 2nd or 3rd person. I am happy finding things to do with myself and I don’t mind doing this most of the time. I like spending time in my own company. It doesn’t make me uncomfortable being around myself 24/7. I’m willing to go to the movies by myself, go shopping, run errands, and go places. I draw the line at going alone to a restaurant tho. Doing that seems a bit off to me, kinda creepy, almost stalker-ish (although I see plenty of people sitting alone with reading material at restaurants who don’t look tweaked, I just can’t do this).

But there are times when I just want to go out and do something with someone other than myself. I want to have a face-to-face conversation. Have fun with. Laugh with. Make snarky comments with. Help out or be helped out. Cook for someone other than just me. Have company over or go over someone’s. Be able to call up and just go somewhere and not have to worry about a babysitter or if the place is toddler friendly. I am not trying to offend my friends with kids, they know I don’t mind accommodating for them and I like their kids.

I guess I wish being an older single person was like it was in college (sans the major amounts of alcohol ingesting and ungesting). Small community of diverse peers. Always someone to go places with. Always something happening. Always a party, a dance, an event, a pizza, a meeting, a class, a fast-food run, a beverage run. Someone to go puddle-jumping with. Someone to giggle or belly laugh with. Someone to cuddle with that doesn’t have four feet, a tail, and copious amounts of body hair.

I do have great friends. When I spend time with them, we have the best of times. The times are just few and far between.

Tuesday Night TV

2 hours of “Dead Like Me” on Sci-Fi. Love this show’s dark humor! Too bad it was cancelled after its second season. Bummer.

“Romancing the Stone” as the channel surfing alternative. Love me some “R the S”, especially the “now that’s a campfire” part.

Rockstar – Eheh [accompanied with shrug of shoulders]

The show’s filler consisted of Dilana-bashing and songwriting “camp” with Gilby. Dilana was “not imaginative enough”, Lukas came unprepared, and Toby was “on top of his game”.

Singers had to do a cover song and an original song.

Dilana – sang a Who song and I usually don’t like rearrangements, but I thought she did good. I liked the melodic beginning and getting the back-up band’s guitarist involved. Her original was so-so. Dave liked her cover song arrangement, Tommy liked her original, Gilby reiterated she needs to use more imagination coz “she’s too literal”, and Jason kudo-ed her “strong will”.

Magni – Good thing “Romancing the Stone” was on. I channel surfed throughout both his cover and original. Ho Hum to the max. Dave thought the cover was “killer and the most aggressive they heard his voice be”. Tommy thought his 2 perfs were the same to which Magni replied “both songs were sung by me”. Yeah, well, who cares?

Storm – was joined by Dave on guitar while she sang a David Bowie song. I thought her original was pretty good. It was different, kinda catchy, and suited to her voice. There was too much repetition at the end tho. Dave said “he felt like he was playing with a great lead singer and her original was his favorite”. Tommy said it was “triple X and the track is rrrrrrvvvhhhmmm – no words for it” but I’m thinking he was trying to describe the hard-on factor. Gilby seconded the “rrrrrvvvvvhhhmmm” comment.

An aside: What is up with these cover song choices in general? Who’s actually picking these for the singers to choose from? Ugh.

Lukas – mumbled his entire way thru a stripped down version of “Livin’ On a Prayer”. Again with the accent. I was embarrassed for him during his original. Thank goodness for “Romancing the Stone”. I called my mom at this point and she said she thought Lukas was a choirboy with a beautiful voice when he’s not trying to be “a rocker” and all gravelly. Well, I haven’t heard the beauty of his voice, but Lukas needs a newsflash. Freddy Mercury had a kick-ass melodic voice and he was great when he belted it out. And Mom told me Lukas is Canadian. That’s where the accent comes from.

Toby – I channel surfed thru his cover song. I have to give credit where credit is due. I don’t like Toby or his voice, but his original was the best of the bunch. It was polished, finished, catchy, and he had audience participation. So there, I said it, now I’m done with the Toby. Dave and Band were unanimous with praise and his original song’s memorableness. Tommy grabbed his ass.

At end of show, order of highest to lowest votes:
1st Toby
2nd Lukas
3rd Magni
4th Storm
5th Dilana

Gimme a Kit Kat Break

Hobbes is too damn fast for the digcamera. I had a wonderful shot of him and the delay made me miss it. So I got a nice shot of the top of his head.

Here is the sunbeamin' Moomin boy. He gets snipped tomorrow. I'm a tad worried coz I'm a worry wart. I'm hoping the neutering calms the chomping down.

This is one snarky cranky-ass cat. Certainly pulling the Doodle diva card, isn't she? Well, I guess she has cause to be cranky, she just finished having her hindparts chewed on.

Yes, Another Post for Labor Day

So okay, I’m multiple-posting. So I have time on my hands. So I’m an inveterate writer with diarrhea of the words. So deal with it…

I’m two people in one body. No, I don’t mean this in a Gemini, schizoid, multiple personality disorder, Seth, or possession type way.

I mean there are two directly opposing sides to my character that continually fight with one another for top-dog placement.

For example, I am an extremely hard worker. When I have something that needs to be done, I get it done with maximum effort. I am the most efficient person in my office. I have all my shit done and done well. But… I am a major lazy-ass procrastinator. I don’t like to work, I don’t like to work hard, I don’t like getting things done because they have to be done, and I don’t like having to meet deadlines or finish other people’s stuff. I put things off for another day coz I’d rather sit on my ass covered in cats reading piles of books. Now how can I be a hard efficient worker and a lazy procrastinator? Well, I think I have figured it out. I try to get it ALL done so I don’t have to do it again. Take my edging project. Dad helped me get the edging blocks home and I worked like the dickens that entire afternoon and finished the edging so that I could have a “free” day the next day (meaning spent the day in my PJs doing ab-so-lute-ly nothing). I also spent about 4-5 hours pulling up dandelions in my front AND back yard (with my parents’ handy dandy tool for just this sort of job) so that I wouldn’t have to do this for the rest of the summer. I keep my documentation up to date so I don’t get behind and have more work to do.

Some more opposing sides:

Persevere like the obnoxious kid in the store that wants the candy but I can also give up quite easily.

Either I’m mega early or really late.

Fun creative night owl and the most unpleasant morning person you’d ever want to wake up next to (and not because I was up late but because my brain is not working yet and doesn’t want to be taxed with bright chipper non-stop talking morning people).

Selfish (sharing is not my first gut reaction) but I am very generous with family and friends.

When out and about, I love to be social and dynamic but I’m a major loner and hermit.

Neat freak with packrat/clutterbug tendencies.

Bluntly honest but will tell fiblets and avoid the truth.

Want men – no want men.

Love kids but extremely happy to not come home to them.

Skeptical but extremely naïve.

The kindest bully you’ll ever meet.

Ditto, the bossiest team player you’ll ever work with.

Loyal friend – implacable enemy.

Optimistic pessimist.

Well meaning with catty asides.

The most observant person with blinders on.

Spur-of-the-moment fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants that’s been planned ahead.

Heavy reader but don’t really retain what I read unless I read it several times.

There is no middle ground. I know I know, people have many sides to their nature, personality, and/or character. But I think I’m missing the greys coz it’s all black and white with me.

Piles Piles Everywhere Piles

It starts out so innocently. “Oh, I’ll just put this here until I can [----]”. Well [----] never happens or never happens as quickly as we might optimistically think. Instead we end up with a pile:

-to be paid
-to be mailed
-to be filed
-to be read later and then moved to another pile
-to be recycled
-to be given to a friend for one of her piles
-to be put away
-to be cleaned
-to be thrown away
-to be given away
-to be folded
-to be matched
-to be included in a project that one hasn’t started yet or one can’t find at this particular moment

I have all these piles plus more:

-stamps that need to be cut out and attached to their wooden blocks
-fancy paper to be used for a really cool project I’m going to work on soon, I promise
-books to be read
-books to be donated to the library sale
-clothes to be donated to Goodwill
-clothes that need to be repaired god knows how
-collage items and tools
-notecards and old holiday/b’day cards
-mail order catalogues
-various items that need to be taken to the basement
-puzzles to put together
-games to play
-cat toys
-tissue paper in the middle of the dining room for said cats to frolic in
-projects in progress or to be started
-things that need to get to other people
-curtains that are currently homeless as there is no room in the linen cabinets

Now, I don’t want to give the impression that I have to wend my way thru precarious piles of crap like those packrats depicted on TV. Each pile has its place and is out of the general run. And I do a pretty good job of keeping up with the piles upstairs. The basement is a different matter. My major winter project is to get some shelving down there and get organized. Of course I have been saying this for 3 years, but this year feels different. I have already purchased some Sterolite bins and made a start… so the shelving could just happen this year. I can feel it.

Yarn Dolls

Friday night, I made pies for the pot luck baby shower I went to on Saturday. And as I am the Queen of Multi-Tasking, I also created yarn dolls to go with my book gift to each pregnant co-worker/friend. Each set of pies took 8-10 minutes to cook so I had that much time - in sections - to devote to the yarn dolls. Not to mention the kitten decided he wanted to help by wrapping the yarn around himself and Doodle kept jumping on the counter coz she knew I was bound and determined to finally make a dish sans cat hair. And Hobbes just looked at me from the cat tree as if to say "Now you see why you should have just stopped at me?". Point well taken. Until Sunday night - cold and damp - with three kitties on my lap making me all warm and cozy and melting with warm cat love! Sounds slightly pornorific, I know, but cats on my lap and books on my table put me in a stupor.

Here is the pink yarn being wrapped around a Cheerio cereal box, the large kind. For the body I wrapped it long ways and for the arms I wrapped it the other way.


Then when I determined the head thickness (by touch while still on the cardboard) and deemed it big enough, I tied the top off and slid the bundle off the cardboard. Then I wrapped the arms. When I deemed them thick enough, I slid them off and tied off the ends to make hands.


Then I put the arm wrap in the middle of the body wrap under the head and tied off the neck and criss-crossed to then tie off the waist. I criss-cross several times to make a nice bodice. Once everything has been tied off to my liking, I then cut the bottom loops to open up the skirt. You can leave it loopy if you want. I like to cut them and even them out. I do the same for the hands which is optional too.


Here are the finished products. For the boys/men, I divided the bottom into two for legs and tied the feet off like the hands. I added flowers tucked into their waists. The dolls are laying on a regular-sized pillow case to give you an idea of how big they are. I usually make these smaller, like for Christmas tree decorations. The women loved them by the way.

Artsy Fartsy Friday

Being around pregnant women all day at the office has turned my memory to shit. It just occurred to me yesterday afternoon that I that I finally own a digital camera and that I could post pictures of the things I create. So I am treating you to 3 pictures of collages I made while visiting my Grampa in May. Here goes. Hope you enjoy them. I do.

I had to take a picture, cut it into squares and rearrange it to not look like the original picture. I love how this turned out. It originally was an ad with an old woman with a large veggie of some kind on her lap. It was a challenge to make each row have one veggie piece and one lady piece and balancing it with the background pieces. It took me awhile but I think it came out awesome.

In this collage, you had to take a picture and cut it into strips. After doing that, you drew to fill in. This picture was perfect to do this with as I had to cut out wording that went across the girl and my open spaces to draw occurred where I took the wording out. Luckily I had my multi-colored fine point marker set with me. I love me some fine point markers.

This was a collage made out of neutrals. We were to do neutrals or just black and white. My Grampa had this Volkswagen magazine with big glossy pages and large photos. I glommed on to the tire pages and painstakingly cut out all the tires and rims and mixed them with an architectural picture that I rearranged like the old lady and veggie pic. Just as hard to make sure the building pieces on each row did not match too closely. Again, this took awhile and my grandfather kept looking over at me like he thought I had a screw loose. Once he saw what I was doing, he no longer thought I was crazy even if he didn't understand why I expended the effort. This is my favorite out of all the collages I've made so far. Tho the veggie lady is a very close second. Maybe this one would be a good quilt?