Project Runway in Nutshell #7

Well, hello there. Everyone working hard? Or hardly working?

Challenge: design an outfit for a hip international jetsetter which turned out to be themselves. Yes, the designers had to design something for themselves and the models they picked (everyone kept the same model – surprise – Amanda, Kayne’s model has an epileptic fit when she got backstage coz he kept her around) will be used for next week’s showdown. Time limit: one day.

Show starts with a Kayne shirtless upper body shot – gay men everywhere rejoice! Which only sets the tone for this show because later we get to see some unflattering body shots of the designers as they get into their designs.

Laura tells us that she “never lets children hold her back.” Methinks she barely registers the fact she has produced 5, going on 6, offspring and does whatever the hell she wants, regardless of who’s hanging off her tit.

Jeff bitches and moans about having Angela’s mother for the last challenge and Angela in general. Angela takes it personal and tries to confront Jeff in the the same manner her mother did, sort of passive.

Ideas: Michael decides to do “Hamptons meets the Hood”. Kayne decides to go tacky with a big-ass pattern. Uli decides to do a party dress with multiple prints. Jeff immediately thinks “rock star”. Vincent goes with the “pack and go” concept. Laura decides on a simple cocktail dress. And Angela, the backwoods farm girl, has no idea what a jetsetter wears or how to go about it, so she decides to use a cousin as an example. Cousin, heh, I have a lot of inappropriate redneck/backwoods jokes coming to the fore, but I. must. resist.

Tim visits the jetsetters. He makes some suggestions to Michael and then zeros in on Kayne, who is going all Elvis (I ask you what else is a southern gay man with acknowledged white trash roots supposed to do?), and Angela, who is going off in a Holly Hobby Junior fashion direction with two big rosettes on each butt cheek (I ask you, wouldn’t a farm girl think Holly Hobby is a jetsetter? God knows she wouldn’t have a Barbie).

That night, Michael gives Kayne runway walking tips.
Michael: Walk like you mean it.
Kayne: Yeah, but you’re, like, ghetto fabulous and I’m just white trash.

Runway Day

Shots of the designers dressing in their outfits. Laura is apparently not a shrinking violet as she just strips and dresses at her table. Angela, tho, runs to change behind the screen. I really didn’t need to see Vincent getting into his clothes. Now I have visuals of a half-dressed mental patient running thru my head. Then we see shots of them getting haired and make-upped except for Michael, who was zippily finishing his shirt creation.

Vincent shuffles down the runway in plain black pants and V-necked long sleeved shirt.
Jeff struts down flaunting leggings as pants with rhinestone crotch accessory, rhinestoned black T, and purple blazer.
Angela plows her way down the runway wearing brown linen guachos (sp?) and a rosy wrinkly tank balloon top and a huge-ass bag of voluminous capacity.
Laura saunters down wearing the Emperor’s New Clothes. I can barely see the dress as it matches her skin exactly. All I see is some faint criss-crossing detail and her Veronica Lake auburn hairdo.
Michael gangsta-limps/pimp-strolls down wearing blue and white striped seersucker cargo pants with tentacles and a crispy white shirt.
Kayne trudges down the runway wearing extremely tight bootylicious black pants, a black shirt with Elvis fantasy detailing on the back and one cuff, and sporting a rhinestone belt buckle of his name.
Uli floats down wearing a long, flowing, loose-boobie, turquoise and multi-print dress. Have we seen this silhouette before? I think we have.

Judges determine that while Vincent played it extremely safe, it is an outfit that can be traveled in. Jeff’s outfit looks expensive and will work anywhere. Angela is told linen is the WRONG fabric of choice for traveling as it keeps on wrinklin’ and she already looks like a mess on the runway. Laura’s dress can go many places and fit in. Michael was applauded for picking seersucker as that fabric can travel. Kayne’s Elvis aspirations were thrown back at him and not in a positive way. And Uli was told she finally went over the top and her dress would only work in certain places.

Heidi tells them they are going to test their outfits’ traveling factor and they have an hour to pack and get to the airport. Shots of designers scurrying around packing and then at the airport learning they are to go to Paris, the fashion Mecca of the world. Laura is made giddy by the fact they will be traveling first class and moves the knot to the front so she can lounge in the seat. While everyone is sipping champagne, Tim comes aboard and Jeff confessed he would be lost without Tim “popping up in his life”.

Designers get to Paris Parsons to find only 6 tables, meaning someone who just had their ass hauled to Paris will have to turn right around and go back home. A famous designer with an unpronounceable name judges how the outfits fared and her scores were added to the scores given back in the USA.

Winner: Jeff, who attributed his win to God being off the sauce for this competiton.
Out: Angela, who’s “future is one big rosette of possibility” (my words). Jeff was ecstatic. He said the “artsy craftsy macaroni gluer is finally going home”.

Rockstar Supernova Fan Selection

Down to the final 6 which means they need to fill the hour-long show up with lots of specious filler and dreck. So last night we got to see – in great detail – a Dilana breakdown caused by her talkin’ a lot smack about her housemates and co-contestants on last week’s sing-off show. Storm (who she didn’t say anything bad about) comforted her during her crying fit which sounded like it actually hurt; it was painful to listen to. Later, Dilana breaks some glass outside when the cameras try to come in close and manages to get Magni’s head with a shard on the rebound. Cut to Lukas asking what would have happened if she had gotten him in the eye. You know, coz it’s all fun and games until someone’s eye gets put out. Ryan, with his usual taking a dump look, said he thought Dilana was showing she is unable to handle being on top and “now she’s like self-destructing”. Then we get to see what the fans have chosen for each of them to sing.

Ryan – “Clocks” by Coldplay
Lukas – “Lithium” by Nirvana
Toby – “Rebel Yell” by Billy Idol
Storm – “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence
Dilana – “Mother Mother” by Tracey Bonham
Magni – “I Alone” by Live

Performances:

Lukas finally faced the audience consistently. I found the accent that wandered in and out of his performance strange, off putting, and distracting to listen to. Dave and the Band were unanimous in lovin’ the Lukas.

Magni told everyone Dilana inflicted him with “just a flesh wound” (total Monty Python reference that not many people got) in response to Dave asking about his head. You couldn’t even see it - head cuts bleed like the dickens and look bigger than they really are. Either that or he had tons of make up on it. I thought his performance was “unmemorable” and channel surfed throughout. He got lots of kudos from both Dave and the Band.

Ryan played the piano, “Dukes of Hazzarded” the piano, stood on the piano, got off on the piano, and basically just grossed me out with his performance. Has anyone else noticed that the slope of Ryan’s forehead goes right into the slope of his ginormous nose? Overall good reviews from Dave and the Band, but Jason got boo-ed for telling Ryan he loses his focus when he leaves the piano.

Storm did a decent rendition of a higher register belt-it-out song with her lower register voice and Toby singing the back-up guy parts. I think that although she is one of the stronger singers (read: she stays on pitch, she articulates, her vocals don’t wobble all over the place, and she keeps the song energy consistent), she isn’t going to win because her voice doesn’t have that rawness to it that I think the Band is looking for. I like her. The Band did not. Gilby said he still remembers Zayra’s performance of this song. Let’s be honest. Gilby doesn’t remember Zayra’s performance, his dick does. And because Storm wasn’t wearing sprayed on gold or glitter or black pleather with a Junior Birdman cape, she was deemed “unmemorable”. Band thought Toby upstaged her as well.

Toby did an ersatz Billy Idol. It was like he went though a check list in his head… Arm upraised and pumpin’ the fist? Check. Jump around like a Mexican Jumping Bean? Check. Girls on Stage? Check. Audience Participation? Check. Suspenders? Check. Band liked it, I hated it.

Dilana was last. Dave told her that every heavy metal lead singer has said something inappropriate. And I find they generally are unapologetic about it as well. Take Ted Nugent – he’s still offending tons of people by just breathing. I wonder how long it takes for her or whoever to do her hair? Dilana showed she could sing tunefully without the burr in her voice and she’s got that heavy metal scream down pat! Dave and Band were unanimous with the rave reviews.

Bottom three at end of show: Storm, Ryan, and Lukas.

Did you all see the trailer for “Crank”, the movie with Jason Stratham? YUMMY!

Pies, Pies, Glorious Pies

So I am trying again today to bring you my wonderful pie experiment...

These are the ingredients for the pie innards.

Brown up the entire package of Jimmy Dean Sausage (of your choice - I like the Regular or Maple).

Then cut up the olives (entire can), all three peppers, and mix with the cheese.

Then when the sausage is cooled enough to not melt the cheese, add it to the mix.

Then add just enough Ranch dressing so it sticks together. Not too much or filling will be super runny.

Time for the new appliance!

Next I cut out pie bottoms and tops with the handy-dandy cutters included with my Pie Maker.

And sisboombah.... Pies. Incredibly awesome looking and tasting pies. Two boxes of ready made pie crusts made 14 of these little babies. They are the size of the palm of your hand. Wonderful for lunches at work. I am psyched. I think I am going to make these again Friday for a Saturday baby shower potluck I'm going to.

This Is All I Can Tell Ya...

I got a REAL digital camera with my birthday money. On sale at Staples on Saturday, last day of the sale. Had to drive to Falmouth Staples for it, but so worth the trip. So I decided to record my pie-making experiment with my new camera. I can't show or tell you as Blogger is having some MAJOR issues dude. Try tomorrow.

Me, Making an Annual Lifestyle Change

This is me with Johnny Lion. I was always taking him away from my brother who my mom thought Johnny originally belonged to when she found this picture of me as a baby with said lion. I was right. All those years, I was right! Johnny was mine. Me Me I I!! I am the one who's been a cat freak all my life!

I am trying hard to be a good health doo-bee. I have actually managed to have my annual “internal” exam consistently for about 6 years or so and got my annual eye exam on board consistently about 3 years ago. Once my friend K helped me get into the dentist’s office (I have a major MAJOR phobia and cried the day I made the first appointment – it had been almost 14 years since stepping foot in a dentist place), I have been going regularly every 6 months for about 5 years now. Now I am working on my general overall health by starting this year to see my primary care physician, you know, the doctor I have listed on my insurance card but never go see. All these appointments typically occur in August, my birthday month. It just makes it easier to remember when to schedule them and has the added benefit of starting my actual new year off on the right foot health-wise.

So, that being said, I had my list of questions in my sweaty hand when I went to go see my physician yesterday. He also had the results of my cholesterol test that my “internal” doctor requested because he had flipped through my chart last week and found he had nothin’ on me! I asked for that news right away. And it was good news! My overall cholesterol is high (but not too high) but my “ratio of bad to good cholesterol is great”. He showed my bad # which I can’t remember, but I do remember my good # which is 81.

Dr: “Do you work out?”
Me: “Should I be?”
Dr: “With a number like that, it indicates that you do.”
Me: [blinking several times, gaping like a fish, and kinda stuttering] “You’d think.”
Dr: “You can lie if you want with this number like this.”
Us: laughing! Yes laughing with a doctor. Course he’s like Doogie Hauser (sp?).
Dr: “The combined number is 2.8. This is very low and very good. You want it be as low as possible.”
Me: “Okay whatever you say.”
Dr: embarks on a long technical explanation of the numbers and good and bad cholesterol.
Me: “So, do I have enough little Hoover vacuums to clean up the crap left behind by the bad cholesterol?”
Dr: [giving me a funny look] “Yes.”

I guess he doesn’t talk to enough people who take techie talk and make it into a visual word picture one can easily digest. I do this all the time. Guess it’s because all the work I do with kids that makes me tend to translate things into verbal pictures. I, myself, need visual word pictures for complex stuff.

Anyhoo, he answered my bevy of questions, gave me a old-fashioned type regimen for one of the concerns, a new prescription, renewed an old prescription, advice for another, and is going to see if my insurance will cover an MRI for the headache issue. Scary, but we want to make sure my brain is working normally don’t we? (What’s normal anyway? – No headaches, tumors, brain bleeds, or detached arteries? If so, that would be nice.) He mentioned a possible IV that “might’ go along with the MRI and I got a bit woozy (anything sharp entering a vein will do that to me). He said the office would let me know and then we’d get one scheduled. We’ll see.

Me: “Do you need anything else as this is my annual visit?”
Dr: [blinked for a few seconds] “No, see you next year after discussing the MRI results.”
Me: “Barring anything coming up before then!”
Laughing again. Thank god no more bloodwork for now!

Rockstar News Flash

Magni sang poorly, Toby sung poorly, Storm had a reprieve, and Patrice is OUT.

Project Runway in Nutshell #6

Boy, am I draggin’ butt this morning. I don’t feel particularly witty or interesting and I have to admit, I had a hard time paying attention to last night’s runway. You know, if someone’s bugging me or I don’t cotton to someone, I IGNORE them. I treat them like they don’t exist, they aren’t there, or I put headphones on to be proactive and not hear them so I don’t rip them a new asshole. Why can’t Jeff and Angela just ignore each other? Acting like the preschoolers I worked with is so not attractive and gets tiring real fast. Real fast.

Challenge: Designers had to design an outfit for the everyday woman (read: a woman that is not a size 0 or 2 or a wire/wooden hanger) who turned out to be their mothers and sisters. Tim’s two cents: “keep their day to day lifestyle in mind, be fashion forward, and designs should reflect the designer.” One day to complete this outfit.

Twist: They could not have their relative; another designer had to pick them. Forgive me as I refer to all the relatives by their relation to whom as I did not make an effort to remember their names. As usual, Heidi drew the designers’ order from the velvet bag.
Michael picked Robert’s sister.
Laura picked Jeff’s mom to “torture him” as she put it.
Vincent picked Uli’s mom. This was amusing – a woman who barely speaks English and a man who listens to voices in his head matched together.
Angela picked Laura’s mom, maybe to thank her for sticking up for her. What Angela doesn’t perhaps realize is that Laura doesn’t actually like her, she just despises Jeff more.
Kayne picked Michael’s mom. He said he could relate as he used to be 300lbs.
Uli picked Kayne’s mom.
Robert picked Vincent’s sister.
And Jeff was left with Angela’s mom. He stated he thought “God got drunk today”; I think it was more of a Kharmic bitchslap.

Everyone had bonding and embarrassment time with their moms and sisters on the tab of Michael Kors and his carbon copy of a mother. Kayne’s mom shared his “fat and funny pictures”. We got to see Michael as a skinny pre-adolescent and Jeff with an 80’s English mod haircut with blond ends (very DuranDuran). We also learned Jeff is a recovering alcoholic. Maybe that’s why he’s so antagonistic towards Angela; she drives him to want to drink. Laura drops the “baby #6 bomb” on her mother who was flabbergasted. Seriously, the picture of her look would be next to that word in the dictionary. Now everyone knows but Laura’s husband.

Many shots of collaborating or lack thereof (re: Jeff and Angela’s mom – As he put it, “I don’t like her daughter, why would I like the mother?”), frantic working on the outfits, puzzling over the fit (re: Jeff and Robert are all bestirred and bothered), and Jeff reducing Angela’s mom to tears, which makes Angela cry, which makes Jeff’s mom cry. The only one in the situation NOT crying is Jeff. He seems to have taken up Keith’s arrogant mantle and scepter.

Runway Day which Robert refers to as a “mindfuck”.

The judges liked: Uli’s because the print was interesting but not vulgar, understated, chic, and it hung and draped well. (I didn’t like it because I don’t like paisley chiffony poncho-type tops with striped edging as a rule.) Michael’s because a reversible shirt dress is a great idea and the shirtdress had a modern look. (I liked the reversibleness but didn’t like the tie belt.) Vincent’s (surprise surprise) because it was chic, spirited (coz spirits communicate with him?), and age appropriate. (I didn’t think the construction was all that great, the seams were bunchy in the back and I thought the lapels were HUGE and baby-poop colored.)

The judges didn’t like: everyone else! Angela’s was age-inappropriate. Kayne’s didn’t have enough personality. Robert’s was boring boring boring again. Laura’s was a high waisted cruise ship nightmare. Jeff designed something a court Judge would wear (and Heidi elicited Angela’s mom’s true opinion on the outfit – “she would pass it by in a store”).

Winner: Are you all ready for this? Vincent!

Out: Robert because of his consistent ho-humminess. Robert told us he learned about what he can and can’t do. I hope he learned to stick with Barbies as he seems more innovative and creative with a plastic 12 inch doll with a tiny waist and big boobs.

Jeff told his mother that the wrong person left as Robert is a “good person”. And he cried.

Rockstar Rundown... er... Smackdown

2 original songs offered this time. The group decided that consistent bottom 3 people should get those. Hmmm. I think if the bottom three people can’t take an already established song and own it, then why in the hell would I be interested in a song of their own? And in my opinion, I was proved right.

Dilana wanted Police’s “Every Breath You Take” and Toby, for pay backs, said he wanted it too. He dared her to run buck-naked around the pool and Dilana did. Not only did we have fuzzy butt shots of her, but fuzzy frontal shots too! She seemed to have more fun being nude than Toby did.

Storm agonized over Aerosmith’s “Cryin’”.

Gilby introduced his canine companion, Chopper.

My opinions…
Patrice – her pitch seemed off more than several times, no oomph, the back-up band was better than she was, I spent her performance channel surfing.

Magni – he sang Nirvana, he fudged some lyrics, he was okay, I channel surfed again.

Ryan – what made him pick this song? What made him think this was the best representation of his talents? I was not impressed whatsoever with the guitar act. Just because the band said they wanted something destroyed, doesn't mean you do it immediately after they say it. Ryan’s scrunched up facial expression when he is being “critiqued” always reminds me of a pug dog after he’s peed somewhere in the house and got caught. When the band asked him what happened (meaning they wanted to know what made him “rock out”), he announced he got laid. I really have no comment, actually I have lots, but they appear to have caused a log jam and nothing is coming out. And most of them would be highly inappropriate.

Storm – “crazy eyes” return, I thought she had trouble with the higher register but she does well with the lower register. She actually is one of the rare ones who can stay on pitch. After she sang, she and the band had a little spankin-repartee going on. Tommy wants her to wear less clothing and she dared Dave to come and take her corset off her.

Dilana – rocked the Police song. I think her voice is like a mix of Kim Carnes (remember “Bette Davis Eyes”?) and a masculine Stevie Nicks with the burr. I thought she did a great rendition, but… her eyelashes made her look wall-eyed! Bad fashion choice. I loved how they cut to a bummed out Lukas during her “critique”.

Toby – did a new arrangement on “Layla” and took on Zayra’s mushmouthiness. Yuck. I did not find anything slightly redeeming in his performance, he was boring, ho-hum, taking his shirt off was so not exciting (I prefer my men a bit on the beefier side, meaning bigger arms and chest), and the band’s positive comments – Whafa?

Lukas – his voice veers around too much for my taste, he’s all over vocally and this is not a compliment. He does need to face the audience more, the band was right on that.

Cut to my favorite commercial: The two old ladies sitting on the sofa with biker voices and making motorcycle noises. I LOVE when “they” say “Shoot” and “Yeah, shoot”.

Then bottom three at the end of show – Patrice, Storm, and Toby.

My Guilty Reading Pleasures

Books and reading are a major guilty pleasure. If I pick up a book, I put everything off and get nothing done. If I enter a bookstore, I’m in there for at least 2 hours. Seriously, I have to reward myself with reading time in order to get anything done. Again, these are in no particular order.

1) Celebrity Magazines: I do not subscribe to these but I cannot pass them up in doctor’s offices or when one of my co-workers brings them in. I can’t resist reading about who’s boinking who, fashion do’s and don’ts, who bought what where, who broke up with who, who’s bitter and loud about it, denials, secrets exposed, lives all askew but attractively papered over with lots of money, and looking at pictures of people with lots of money but either they can’t or their stylists can’t dress them to save their lives. It’s total fluff reading, but very addicting.

2) SkyMall Magazine: I only get to read this when I fly to see my G-pa in Ohio. I grab my window seat and as soon as the stomach-turning ascent is through, I immediately start thumbing through all the goodies they offer. If I like the product enough, I even, confession time, rip that page out to save for when I come down from the higher altitude. I haven’t actually ordered anything yet, but it’s nice to browse and dream.

3) Blogs: My mother got me hooked on this one. Thank you Wednesday’s Child! Now when I eat my breakfast, I run through all the blogs listed on the side of my blog and get a daily fix. Sometimes I have to check multiple times during the day because the bloggers of choice haven’t posted yet. I love the times when I just laugh right out loud because of someone’s wording or a choice phrase.

4) Speculative Nonfiction: Now there’s an oxymoron. I love to read about the Bermuda Triangle, unsolved occult mysteries, ESP, “Phone Calls From the Dead” (this is actually the title of the book!), whether or not we descended from some old outer space civilization, UFOs, the Abominable Snowman, Loch Ness Monster, witchcraft, mysteries from our past civilizations (think of the “In Search of…” TV show, I loved that show), paranormal talents, Stranger than Science (this involves the stuff like rain of amphibious creatures, getting radio signals thru a filling, being in two places at once, the Lincoln/Kennedy similarities, boy lives with live ammo in head, and etc). You get the picture. Book crack for Sam!

5) Books from my Childhood: This never fails, when I get this huge hankering to go back in time, I gotta pick up one of these books. In fact, the used books from my childhood that I’ve been collecting even smell the same! Yes I can read these books in one short sitting, but it’s not just the book, it’s everything associated with it. The times, the houses I lived in, the libraries I visited, the schools, the people, the seasons, the games, the feelings and happenings that occurred at the time when I first discovered them. My clearest memories (and I have a major fuzzy sieve-like memory) are connected to books. Favorites include the LM Montgomery Anne series, all the Moomintroll books, Zilpha Keating Snyder books, Phyllis Naylor’s Witch series, Little House on the Prairie books, and the Andrew Lang Fairy Books (all colors).

6) True Crime: I am picky about which ones of these I read (I don’t like the books that have super large print to make the book all big and fat like it has lots of info and it doesn’t), but I love to read this stuff. Not because I’m some sick creep, but because I am fascinated by how seemingly normal people can go or be so wrong. I majored in ElemEd, minored in Psychology, and work with children, so I’ve always been interested in what makes people the way they are, especially how early experiences can tweak a person for life. And, of course, to thank my lucky stars I’m not them!

7) Re-reading Old Favorites: There are just certain books that I keep circling back to. I’ve read my paperback copies to pieces, destroy the hardback versions, and still cull the used book sales for more copies. Yes I know the plot, yes I’ve memorized lines and even paragraphs, and yes I know this makes me a bit strange, but damn it, there is just something about curling up with a book that is so familiar it’s comforting and visiting the characters who seem like old friends who haven’t changed despite the new tech advances and general overall crappiness of life. The plot sweeps you away from your life and because there are no surprises, you can savor the wording, the characters’ development, the clothes you want to make/wear/see/feel, the foods you can practically taste, and you can find things you’ve overlooked the last couple reads. Favorites include: “Three Women’s at Water’s Edge” by Nancy Thayer “Banners of Silk” by Rosiland Laker, “Anya” by Susan Fromberg Schaeffer, “Crystal Singer” by Anne McCaffery, “The Shining” by Stephen King, “Napoleon and Josephine” by Frances Mossiker, “Fried Green Tomatoes” by Fannie Flagg, “Veronica” by Nicholas Christopher, and “Gloriana” by Michael Moorcock.

8) Ghostly Reading: I love reading about local and state haunted locations and the back history on how they became haunted. Total Book Popcorn!

Moomin, my Monkey Butt Hanging-from-the-Rafters Boy

Moomin is my new addition to the family. His nicknames are Boomin’ Moomin, Monkey Boy, Monkey Butt, Mr. Monkey, Bunny Monkey, Mr. Boy, Butt Munch, Busy Boy, Moo, Cricket, Squirt, Smurf, and Wildman.

I was lucky and got to see him the day after he was born (he was black and grey at that point) and then watch the milestones: his eyes open, his ears become ears, witness his first hiss/spit, start walking, start romping, and problem-solve his way out of an enclosure. I brought him home the day he turned exactly 11 weeks old.


Now he is all black with very short fur. If he sits in strong light, you can see faint tabby markings, almost like a faint shadow of them. He’s quite an elegant looking cat when he sits up straight – long neck and nice bone structure. Then when you see him walk, run, jump, and romp he loses his elegance and becomes quite goofy-cute with a barrel belly, silly tail (very thin at the end and fat at the rump), and bow-legged prance with big honking floppy feet. When he runs fast, he resembles one of those red-neck jacked up trucks where the back of the truck sticks up higher than the front. Moomin has huge double paws; 7 peds on his front feet which resemble mittened hands and 6 peds on his back feet which just look BIG. He has this sort of “troll look” when his eyes are not alert or open all the way. His whiskers, nose, and peds are all black as well. His eyes really haven’t settled into a certain color, mostly orange-ish right now.


Moomin’s favorite positions are 1) the sprawl: when he sleeps he stretches WAY out and is all over everything he sleeps on (pillow, Doodle, blanket, flower cushion, etc), 2) the hide-n-peek – this is where he crouches behind anything and everything and peers over whatever it may be in preparation for jumping on Hobbes or Doodle or a toy, 3) the somersault – typically engaged in when he is playing with a toy, and 4) the sitting cute – he does this before he does something he is not supposed to do; like chew on a electric cord or my hair, bite me or the other cats, and jump in the sink.

Moomin’s day involves periods of frantic activity of the Energizer bunny-type alternated with periods of dead sleep. When he’s playing, he’s playing constantly. There is no time he is not moving, jumping, pouncing, rolling around, biting, running, skating on the bathtub or sink, climbing the cat tree/curtains/ bedcovers/clothes, leaping straight up in the air, dancing sideways with his back arched, and chasing toys or other cats. He loves to leap on the other cats and tries to wrestle with them. He is fascinated with the bathtub and sink – he brings his toys in the tub to play with them in there and he likes to try to dig his way to China in the sink. I have to cover the tub drain with something heavy as he has walked off with the drain cover one day and I couldn’t find it for two days when it suddenly appeared in the middle of the dining room carpet. I’m waiting for my toothbrushes to disappear.


His favorite toys are sparkly craft pompoms, bunny fur mice, Mardi Gras necklaces, teeny beanies, paper towel tubes, plastic circles, a sea sponge, and a rope with knots in it. He especially likes the pile of tissue paper in the middle of the dining room – this is good for peeking around, racing thru, wrestling with toy, and snacking on pieces that have been ripped off. Sometimes he will fall asleep on my lap, but mostly he will first start his sleeping stint on the back of one of the couches, in his flower cushion, the window seat napper, the kitty condo, or the blanket covered crate by the sliding glass door. Eventually he will come over to my lap and lay on Doodle – who totally lets him do this when he is sleepy and calm. I recently caught the two of them sleeping together on the window napper and in the Chair of Death. Doodle was cubed into a square shape and Moomin was in the shape of a triangle. I remember thinking: Doodle cubed + Moomin to the 3rd power = infinite furry goodness. Moomin’s jobs are to listen to the bigger cats, not destroy anything, keep out of the plants, no biting, and to keep his nap places cozy. He is most definitely a monkey butt boy and well loved.

Quick Rockstar News

Zayra is OUT. Thank god!!! No more mush-mouthed singing! No more WhaFa moments! No more outfits that look like they had been put together under the influence of a combination of bad taste, campy superheros, slutty space shuttle attendants, and Elvira-gone freakazoid! YEAH!

Project Runway in Nutshell #5

Challenge: Create an innovative and creative outfit using recyclables from the New Jersey Waste Management.

Yes that’s what I said. The designers were woken up by a preternaturally preserved Tim who told them “no open-toed shoes... for anyone.” Before leaving, Alison couldn’t resist snarking on Laura’s riding outfit, you know, because they already did a dog outfit, why not one involving horses? The designers were taken to Newark, New Jersey to a warehouse. When the door rolled open, eyes were abuggin’. Robert was the most appalled I think.

Aside: did anyone else find Kayne’s hairstyle Howdy Doodyish?

Cut to a shot of all of them, including Tim, wearing fluorescent vests and hard hats. I think it added a little something-somethin to Laura’s outfit. And they suited Jeff extremely well. Designers had 30 minutes to scramble around, find stuff they wanted to create an outfit out of, and fill three bins each. Then 15 minutes at an art store for extras, you know, to help disguise the fact they are using trash to make some clothes. During the mad rush, Kayne cheerfully admits his white trash roots and tells us that he and his sister are pro dumpster divers. Vincent declares he’s going to make art. Anyone else tired of him? Michael “human beat boxes” it with Laura doing a poor rendition of a homegirl bouncing to the beat. She just needs to stop trying to be a sista’, she’s way too white to pull this shit.

Back at the school, busy busy busy coz they only have til midnight before all the trash turns into haute couture clothes and their pumpkin leaves. Angela goes with “what she knows” which is patchwork. Michael lets the fabric “speak to him”. Alison is working on stripes. Robert tells us he “recycles boyfriends”. Kayne is working on a big white dress with lime green. Laura informs everyone that Kayne’s outfit “is the dog in the room” and Kayne responds that “it looks like a toad exploded all over it”. Jeff is off doing something with newspaper and paint. Uli is making mylar and white twists. Vincent is swearing, bitching, and moaning over a white sheath. Laura tells the public that Vincent is “not mentally stable”. Like we didn’t already know this.

During the food break, Kayne and Robert start trash talking like the gay Southern boys they are. They must have inhaled too much of what they were working with coz they got all giddy and stuff. They mostly rag on Laura – Robert hopes Kayne isn’t going to get a rash from Laura’s kiss and Kayne declares she designs for herself as straightjackets are her specialty.

Tim makes his way through the trash dispensing raves and advice. He tells Vincent he needs to be more than one dimensional (like Vincent doesn’t already have a 24-7 bad party scene occurring in his head). Alison had abandoned the stripes and was working with cream colored paper when Tim reminds her to keep her “zaftig” model in mind. He advises Michael his skirt needs something but the gold bodice is beautiful. Uli’s is beautiful. Jeff’s is beautiful. And Kayne… Tim’s face does this writhing motion, almost like Kayne’s toad got under his facial skin and was roaming around. He tells Kayne that his creation looks like a high school craft project and “amateur hour”. Kayne whips the skirt off and has an hour to come up with something less toady.

Runway Day:
Apparently working with trash has influenced most of the designers because the trash talking continues on a more intense level. Kayne and Laura get into it. For a truly “throw up in your mouth” moment, Vincent informs us that he “gets off on his dress”. Anyone else utterly creeped out? I think Vincent made a poor choice when he cashed in his 401K.

In: Uli with her silver and white wedding top confection. Angela with her silver and purple holographic patchwork thingamajig. And Robert with his silver dress with the flirty bottom. Hallelujah BarbieMan’s back and the designers are gonna be in trouble. Hey now Hey now BarbieMan’s back.

Best three: Michael with a gold bodice, white pencil skirt, and plastic wrap (judges said it was fantastic, chic, and he understood innovation). Jeff with a simple blue and yellow painted dress (the judges thought it was the only dress that “moved” like fabric, the belt was fantastic, and the dress was “ugly beautiful”). And Laura with an uncluttered high-waisted white dress with a black flower and “Only For Nuts” on the model’s backside (“an elegant joke” is how Laura put it, Michael Kors LOVED the whole ensemble).

Worst three: Vincent with his white sheath with crap plastered all over it. Alison’s cream puff creation on a plus-sized model. And Kayne with his Lime-ade topped with major silver bow-age.

Judges pretty much went all out on the worst three – Vincent’s was a “mad scientist’s project”, Alison’s “was a nightmare of a dinner napkin crumpled up”, and Kayne’s was “an out of bounds piñata”. I felt bad for sensitive Alison who was lambasted for not keeping her model in mind when designing her outfit but not for Vincent who again announced he “got off on his dress design” (UCK!). Kayne admitted he made a poor choice and took his razes with disarming Southern boy charm.

Winner: Michael again! I would have preferred Jeff despite his crappy “me me me” attitude, but Michael’s was nice.

Out: Alison. The judges were surprised a woman designer had designed an incredibly unflattering dress to the female form. Poor Alison. I thought the dress was cute and that her model made it look all frumpy. Although the hair choice was bad. Scary bad. Hair bow? Oh no!

Cut to everyone saying their goodbyes to Alison. The trash fumes obviously continue to go to Laura’s head and she practically verbally attacks Vincent and his dress. She throws the “F” word around, probably much more than we were treated to. Vincent tells her to “put some Harry Winstons up her nose”.

Does anyone know what this means?

Kayne tries to be the voice of reason, reminding the two fighting pit bulls that it was Alison’s time. And end scene.

The Little Camera That Could

So... yesterday was my birthday. I succumbed to my office-mates' peer pressure and took the afternoon off after having a slice of office birthday cake for lunch (chocolate of course). I get home and make a few calls to see if anyone can join my truancy. No go. Off I go to Augusta to Barnes and Noble AND the Eddie Bauer Outlet. I took my little matchbox sized digital camera along. Here are some pics!

This is a picture of my birthday sky before I took off cruisin'. The wind chime is mine and the house is my neighbor's across the street. Isn't the sky beautiful? A perfect weather day!

Now I am on my way, on the highway to Augusta. I find I am behind a TARGET truck. So I thought I would test the camera out and see if it could take a pic pretty far away and while driving. Yes I know this is dangerous and undriverly of me, but hot damn I wanted to experiment. And it worked! How fab is that?

This is a further down the highway pic and I thought you all would like a glimpse of my fuzzy steering wheel. Well, actually I wanted to take another moving pic to see if it would come out!

So I finally arrive at my Mecca... Barnes and Noble and I tried a pic. This is wonderfully clear and crispy but obviously I still need to work on my centering issues. I also stopped in the Eddie Bauer Outlet but there were too many people around to take a pic of their sign. Oh well. I found wonderful birthday gifts for myself at both stores. Happy Happy Joy Joy!

When I got home, of course I had to take another pic of my hydrangea. One can never take too many pics of a gorgeous blue hydrangea!

Happy Birthday To Me!

Sam in DigiWorld - All Afternoon and Night

After many trials and tribulations of the keychain digital camera...

Here are some failures. Please note the 2nd pic is NOT Moomin's butthole, but his eye!













Here are some successes. I still need to work on the lighting and centering. And boy, can that little tiny camera drain a AAA battery faster than all get out!

It's My Birthday Today :) :) :)

I would like to be able to report, on this the morning of my birthday, that I had been awakened a la Cinderella/Snow White. That small woodland and household creatures had drawn me a bath, completed my AM chores, cleaned the cat boxes, fixed me an old-fashioned breakfast, and whipped me up a fabulous haute couture birthday outfit.

Alas the reality of it all… I was woken up in my usual way by having my hair stepped on at the butt-crack of dawn by a cat whose only agenda was obtain her breakfast, to the sounds of hissing/spitting/yowling and the furious thumping of paws, and to large truck sound vibrations making the bones in my head freak out.

Thus begins another day… I have an offer from my mother to take me out for dinner. It’s not woodland creatures, but it a superior suggestion that I will be following up on.

Rockstar Unplugged with an Orchestra

So the show starts with Toby running buck naked around the pool 4 times as “payment” to Dilana for the song that has a bandmember. Much audience screaming and fuzzy butt shots later, Zayra dukes it out with Ryan to perform an original song. Dave rips everyone a new asshole coz they again wussed out on stepping up to fight for the original song.

Zayra performed first wearing a black bra and red waterfall/mermaid tail combination. She sang a Spanish song of her own - ??? – Well, at least her unintelligibility passed muster because only the Spanish speaking people would know if she continued her lyrical incoherentness.

Lukas veered between soft and gravelly. His facial expressions reminded me of a preschooler trying to take a constipated dump. So very attractive and come hither of him.

Storm added swearing to “I’ll Survive” in a vain attempt to “spank” Supernova. She ended up getting “spanked” herself as the band unanimously hated her rendition and Tommy said she’d been “sauteed in wrong sauce”. Storm tried to blame it on Vegas, partying with the band, and “waking up with a Gloria Gaynor song”.

Toby got unanimous praises from the judges and all I can say is “Whafa?!”

Ryan SLAUGHTERED one of my all time favorite songs – “In the Air Tonight”/Phil Collins. SLAUGHTERED!!!

Dilana, laced into some black outfit with a cross dangling in her crotch area, sang “Cats in the Cradle”. I thought she did a good job. The judges thought it was the best perf of the night and Dilana announced “I’m the one”.

Bottom three at end of show: Patrice, Toby, and Zayra.

a tad frustrated

I found this keychain digital camera at Wally World (read: Wal-Mart) last night for $14 and was all set to check out the pics I took with it. I get to work all ready to go and "whoopdeedo" I need to be an administrator to install the program. So I call our techie and he comes over and helps out about an hour later. Well, it works dandy-fine for him, but when we try to run it under my user whatchamacallit, it can't find the camera because I. AM. NOT. ADMIN!

So his recommendation was for me to install the camera/program on my computer at home and a) email the pics to myself, b) put the pics on a floppy, c) put the pics on a CD, or d) put the pics on a stick.

Also, "the shortage of rays will reduce the quality of picture" instruction in the barely English instruction booklet was so totally true. My kitties were black silhouettes and only 4 of the pics came out. I need to work on the light factor, the centering factor, and the size factor. But for $14 it's a fun cheap ride!

Here are some examples from the booklet:

"When you hear the buzzer beeps once, which indicates you have already taken a photo, and you can go on taking photos."

My favorite is "When taking photos, please hole camera steadily."

Upshot, no pics for anyone today. Bummer, but hopefully by tomorrow!?

My Guilty Food Pleasures

These are in no particular order. Usually the cravings come and I have no choice but to respond…

1) Ramen Noodles/Oodles of Noodles: Nothing brings a slew of college memories on like these noodles. But other than the mono-sodium-glutamate rush down memory lane, these taste so darn good and being super fast’n’easy to make, I tend to need a fix about every two months or so. My favorites are the Roasted Chicken, Chicken, Oriental, and Teriyaki. I tend to add things to them to “make them more nutritious” (as if!) like frozen veggies, pieces of real chicken, real bacon bits, and chives. Despite their “white trash/college” reputation, I still lovers the noodles!

2) Peanut butter and bacon sandwiches: Now I know I have most likely grossed out anyone taking the time to read this, but I seriously advocate for this sandwich. I ate these by the hundreds when I was a kid and every now and then, the combined crave/memory wave rushes over me and I have to pop some bread in the toaster while the bacon sizzles on the electric skillet. Once the bread is done, PB is spread on it while it is still warm for the melty factor. Bacon slices are added and I bite down into Heaven. Oooh!

3) Hush Puppies: When we were kids and lived in Florida, it was a major treat to go out to eat at Red Lobster. I do not eat sea food but I did eat the popcorn shrimp (mostly breading if you know what I mean) and the sublime Hush Puppies. Fried cornmeal and onion goodness all wrapped up in a perfectly crunchy outside. Red Lobster no longer makes them and I have to suppress my cravings for this super delectable item. But my friend J2 just gave me a Hush Puppy mix for my b’day. AllI have to do is add water/milk. She said she’s made them before and an electric skillet can be used instead of a fryer! I am going to be experimenting soon!

4) Deviled Eggs: I sooooo love this dish. Whenever I go to a potluck, you can find me in front of the deviled eggs just stuffing my mouth, one half after another. The contrast between the creamy goodness of the yolk mixture and the gelid-like egg white just gets me in a gustatory special place!

5) Crab Ragoons: As I mentioned above, I do not eat seafood, but the Chinese food restaurant that I went to with my parents every Friday a couple years ago, has the best ragoons. There is barely any crab, mostly cream cheese in a fried envelope. Pour on some duck sauce and the ginger/soy dip and I am one happy camper!

6) Grilled Cheese Sandwiches: You may be wondering why this is a guilty pleasure… All I can say is BUTTAH! One of the families I worked with, the father would make grilled cheese for us. First he would spread a little butter on the bread to get it started, and then when the cheese was starting to melt and it was time to flip, he would take the stick of butter and literally just paint it on the newly upped side. He would do the same to the other when it was time. These sandwiches were golden brown, very crispy, and incredibly decadent due to the extreme butter factor. I need a napkin to contain the drool!

7) Muddy Rafts: J2 and I go to a restaurant near her home and this is a dessert they make. I have yet to get through an entire one by myself. A Muddy Raft consists of a big fat brownie (no nuts, YEAH!) the size of the palm of your hand. A scoop of ice-cream as big as your fist. And hot fudge sauce is poured on the top and puddles are created (no skimping). After eating one of these (I usually contain my dinner to the small chicken salad sandwich), I need a nap when I get back home.

8) Pierogies: This is a home-made family dinner tradition. Everything from the dough to the filling is made from scratch. The cheese filling is my favorite with the potato as second place. Just thinking about these starts the major cravings. It is a process to make these, but I think the fact that it was a family effort made them taste so good – flavored with love, comfort, and security.

Doodlebug, My Beautiful Smarty Party Girl

My nicknames for Doodlebug, and the pet psychic said she likes them all because they are HERS, are: Doodle Doo, Pooper Girl, Pooper Doo Girl, Scooby-Doo Girl, Miss B, Miss Bug, Miss Kitty, Buggle, Buggle Butt, Miss Buggle, Bloomer Girl, BugADoo, Little Pink Nose, Nosy Bug, Clever Girl, Girly-Girl, and Belly Slut.

She is a Calico and when seen from above, it looks like she is wearing a helmet and saddle with elbow protectors. When viewed from the back with her tail up, she looks like she is wearing black panties with white stockings (except for a black patch on one leg). Favorite positions are: 1) the belly slut – laying on her back with all four legs sprawled out, woe to you if you surrender to temptation to touch the plethora of white fuzzy belly fur, you will be majorly injured, 2) the loaf of bread – similar to Hobbes except her tail sticks straight out, 3) the doughnut – entire body (with tail) curled into a circle with nose in the “hole” sticking up, and 4) the lurker – body low to the ground, nose can barely be seen by who/what she is stalking, tail going quickly back and forth, ears completely forward, big dilated eyes, and a definite butt wiggle happening.

She is a dominant little busy body. She adores Hobbes but feels free to roust him from his napping spots if she wants the sunbeam or lap, will take his toys while he is playing with them, eats his food if he leaves it before he is completely done, and will sock him a good one if he tries to sniff her butt (although she will sniff his butt whether he wants her to or not). She will wake me up at 4:30am ready to eat breakfast and will circle my head, step on my hair, and lay on my face so I can’t breathe. If I come home before 5:00pm, she thinks it is time to eat just because I walked through the door. She feels compelled to open all my cabinets, cupboards, Hoosier doors, and closet doors. I have come home to everything wide open and if I hadn’t seen her actually lift the Hoosier door latch, I would have been convinced it was a poltergeist.

Doodle enjoys: 1) eating Duct Tape – whenever she hears me start to unroll a piece of duct tape from the general purpose roll, she comes bounding in the room expecting me to just hand a piece over to her so she can ingest it and have it come out in the exact condition it went in – and curly ribbon usually found on presents, 2) running thru the house all zooed up with a puffy tail, big wacked-out eyes, and running over anything (this typically means Hobbes) in her way, 3) helping me with any projects (could be cooking, gluing, stamping, yarn, drawing, cutting, etc) by sitting on my materials or in the middle of the work station, and 4) getting her teeth brushed –she will actually request this if I haven’t brushed them in a while by jumping on the bathroom sink and meow/chirping as she looks at the cabinet that houses the container with the chicken flavored toothpaste and the cat toothbrushes

Doodle’s jobs are to cover her litterbox items and to keep her nap places cozy. She is an independent soul and well-loved. Most definitely a beautiful diva girl.

Project Runway in Nutshell #4

Challenge: Modernize the look of a fashion icon. Winner will be featured in a Tresemme (sp) Hair ad in Elle magazine.

Model Twist: the models got to choose the designers they wanted to work with and the icon, which wasn’t as “free-for-ally” as I thought it would be. No hair pulling or cussing one another out.

Bradley was the picked last for kickball by the models and his model got the last icon (she wasn’t pushy enough).

Designers = Icons
Laura – Katherine Hepburn (happy with this choice, of course she would be, it’s in her comfort zone, no creative muscle stretching here)
Angela – Audrey Hepburn (she said she’d make something sleek and sexy)
Vincent – Twiggy (“I’ll make bell-like sleeves” - anyone else throwing up in their mouth a little?)
Robert – Jackie O (“I’ll do a suit” – didn’t he learn anything from the last challenge?)
Kayne – Marilyn Monroe (he wanted to do a cross between Marilyn and Gwen Stefani)
Alison – Farah Fawcett (she said she wasn’t really familiar with her so her model filled her in)
Jeff – Madonna (he said he was fated to update a Madonna look)
Uli – Diana Ross (she approved the choice)
Michael – Pam Grier (he was super pumped)
Bradley – Cher (he was clueless, he didn’t even know who she was)

After many takes of the designers being the industrious bees they are, Bradley having shirt issues AGAIN, and Tim queen-beeing it, Runway Day arrives.

Safe:
Uli with her purply-mauve printed flowing gown (again with the flowy and loose boobies).
Laura with her extremely high-waisted Urkel inspired pants and big collared top (I thought it looked clean and well made, just not very original).
Alison with her plunging neckline top and ruffley skirt (not sure what to think about this, not really all that interesting but well made).
Jeff (aka The Neck) with his red and black strapless many layered confection (I liked it but would NEVER wear it).

Best 3:
Angela with square-necked plunging neckline black dress with her trademark puffs around the hem. The judges unanimously liked it and Heidi said she wanted it in every color. (I didn’t like it, I thought the mishmash of stripe-age was unflattering at best.)
Kayne with a black nudie dress. The judges thought it was “goth Marilyn” and the back was fabulous. (I didn’t like it. He did “update” the icon but my god, did anyone else think his putting together of the dress looked uneven and unflattering with the black wrinkles around butt and waist?)
Michael with a magenta top and bottom. The judges thought had a great cut, sexy, proportions of the shorts were perfect, and they loved the top and bottom together and separately. (I thought this was the best outfit. The neckline was plunging but not wide open, classy. And the shorts really did look professionally made and cute to boot.)

Worst 3:
Vincent with a plaid and black nightmare of a dress. The judges had issues with the pockets (gave me a flash back to the first show) and that he did Brady Bunch instead of Twiggy (right on there – why is he still in???)
Robert with a tan linen tie jacket and short skirt with a bruise colored top underneath. Judges said they do not see Jackie O, linen was not a good choice, boring, and old ladyish. They said “he’d have to wake them up to stay on the show”. (Apparently Robert didn’t learn from the last challenge. What happened to the “go crazy and dress Barbie” attitude? Barbie has some of the wildest outfits.)
Bradley with a “cheap Halloween costume” of a spacey silver top and tight white cameltoe pants. The judges said it was poorly made and not representative of Cher. (Cameltoe *heh heh heh* – they said cameltoe on camera several times. The public has now been educated on cameltoes.)

Winner = Michael – “color, proportions, make, and fit were perfect”. (I agree.)
Out = Bradley – “I made a tinkertoy and they kicked me out.” (I think he was out of his depth from the very beginning. All the shirt issues and ugly outfits.)

And now… time for Design Kindergarteners on the playground!
[picture verbal pushing instead of physical pushing]
Jeff: You broke it. You take responsibility for it!
Angela: I didn’t break it.
Jeff: You did too!
Angela: I did not!
Jeff: Did too!
Angela: Did not! Shut up!

Jeff: You shut up!
Laura: [to Jeff] What makes you think your shit don’t stink?
Jeff: [to Laura] You’re mean and frigid and weird!

Viewer’s advice to Jeff – just piss on the sewing machine of your choice already! Mark that territory!

Addendum to RockStank SuperNowhere

Josh and Jill went up the hill,
Attempting to be a rockstar.
America cast their vote,
The Band spoke,
And neither passed the bar.

Zayra? Still in the running tho she will NEVER win. She’s like chronic acne, athlete’s foot, that nail bed infection, and herpes where the treatments take a long time to get rid of them and even then, they sometimes don’t work. Well, I guess Debra was right, maybe the band keeps her around for the hard-on factor. But if I had a willie, she’d make me chronically limp.

RockStank SuperNowhere

First off, I just want to share that I managed to obtain my objective at Target despite being visually assaulted by many temptations on the way!

Second, I get home to find a mini disaster occurred while I was at work. It appeared that the kitten decided to use poor judgment and attempted to jump on top of my Hoosier cabinet, dislodging the jar of buttons which landed smack in the middle of Hobbes’ food dish, shattering it into 5 big pieces and many little dangerous to paws and bare feet shards. Out came the big scary vacuum.

Third, Rockstar…

Dilana… She sang a Who song that Gilby (guitarist) accompanied and the band commented on the general overall wussiness of no one else stepping up to take the challenge. Dave said that as far as he is concerned Dilana would win coz she had the balls to sing with a band member. I found her performance subdued for her and so was what she was wearing. Dave also told the singers that it sucks to follow Dilana anyway but now it “double sucks” to follow her and a band member. The band even agreed they have come to the decision a woman can front their band.

Ryan… What was with the pseudo-punk meets bad-Vegas stage performance? “Contender” my ass! His “vocals have been killing” my ears! “Keep going” right out the door. Phrases in quotes are from the band, I added my opinion to them.

Storm… Queen, hard to do a decent rendition, she managed tho and told the band “she’ll spank the crap out of Supernova”.

Zayra… She slaughtered the David Bowie song. “Burble burble mumble mumble garble garble”. Well, she certainly raised the bar on her incoherentness. Instead of asking if she’s “got milk?” let’s ask her “got talent? Got voice?” and we’ll give her a resounding “NO!!” Dave said she was from Pluto – poor planet. Gilby said he “dug her showmanship but she sang flat.” Tommy said “it’s good to think you are the bomb” (stinkbomb more like it). And Zayra said to the band “I’m all out baby, all out” – yes – now if America and the band would follow thru with this and “out her ass right off the show”.

Josh… Now I love the original Stone Temple Pilots singer and Josh is NO GO! He needs more testosterone in his voice. Dilana has more testosterone than he does! And the Stevie Wonder/Ray Charles head bob – gotta go!

Lukas… Still no oomph and what was with the falsetto!!?? He has no oomph in his regular singing voice, what made him think he could pull off a falsetto moment? The band said they were impressed (ohmygod) and “hell yeah” (hell no) and “he gave them goosebumps” (gave them to me when he squeaked out a shart).

Toby… Used a megaphone. Not sure about the use of props. Um!

Bottom three at the end of the show – Jill, Zayra, and Patrice.

Is it just me or is Brooke Burke’s voice sort of robotic and creepy?

Today My Friend J Goes Away

My bestest friend leaves for Florida today. She is getting away from the psychic vampire that is Maine for awhile. And I am so totally going to miss her.

I’ve known her ever since I’ve moved here in December ’91. She started out as my boss at my first job in this state. But once we got to know one another, we became connected at the hip in a healthy way. She never once had to worry about me crossing the professional/personal boundary line at work, unlike some of the other “friends” that worked at the daycare. We’d go out to all hours of the night pretty much every day of the week and have scads of adventures, but once we were at work, no one had a clue we were so close.

We met an amazing number of people; good, bad, ugly, beautiful, incredibly sane, and certifiably nuts. I remember one guy who didn’t have a piece of paper and wanted to give J his phone number, so he wrote it on a large piece of campfire wood he had laying around in his vehicle. We were so busy going out and influencing fashion trends, going to the beach, going to the neighboring town, having and going to parties, going on planned and spur-of-the-moment road trips (once we found someone’s underwear in our parking space – that was a photo op), tanning our in-shape asses off, and just staying home (wherever that was at that moment) watching 90210 and Melrose Place with a bunch of friends with frosty beverages. I remember coming home from SixFlags at 3:00am in the morning and we saw the Aurora Borealis lights – so cool! I remember waking up and fixing “hangover noodles” for us both. I remember us searching for the perfect Christmas tree and shopping for the decorations for it. I remember J taking me to a male stripper show and paying for me to have a lap dance (yuck by the way). I remember us going on a whale watch in Providence. I remember going to the mall and finding over-the-knee suede boots – she got the black ones and I got the purple ones – and it was like we’d hit the jackpot. I remember J trying to teach me how to drive stick (yeah, still not gonna happen). I remember her taking me to my driver’s test and her jumping up and down like a crazy person when I passed. I remember her advising me to “open up and just dance with the next guy who asks you” and I did, but the guy starts fondling my hair and my eyes shot daggers at J as she laughed. I remember playing darts, Thumper, quarters, and “What the Fuck” (it’s just “Fuzzy Duck’ with different words) endlessly. I remember walking home at 2:00am without our shoes on and laughing hysterically the whole way home. I remember J always willing to drive to god-knows-where. So many memories…

When we went out, we had people just come up to us and ask to join us as we were constantly having fun no matter what. One of my favorite memories was discovering the Scorpion Bowl at a little dive of a Chinese food restaurant across the street from our usual bar/dive hangout. We would get these extremely long straws with the drink and the drink itself gave us an incredibly “happy buzz”. We get so jolly and then go dancing. Too much fun!

We laughed every day. Even when something happened that made one or both of us angry, sad, or upset, we made each other laugh and get through it. Granted we didn’t always see eye to eye on everything, but that’s a good thing as we never bored each other. We always had something to talk about and even the most trivial thing could morph into a deep philosophical discussion. I could (and can still) share things with her that I didn’t think I could share with anyone. We were (and are still) able to advise each other on serious things but also keep the fun in the friendship.

Time never seemed to be passing. I mean it passed, but every moment was so full that it didn’t seem like that that time in our lives would ever end. I don’t remember ever thinking towards the future. Our time was all on a daily or weekly basis.

But time did pass and while we developed separate interests and friends and the party times ended, we never lost touch with each other. J is definite that we are still going to continue to talk via phone or email while she is gone. But it’s not like having her here in person where we can talk face-to-face, or we go out to eat, or I pop over her place, or she comes over and rousts my ass out of being a hermit to play golf, or we go see a movie together, or we have a shopping spree together, or we go places, or…

I’m gonna miss her.

Descent

My friend J and I went with her daughter to see Descent. I roped her into going because I was intrigued with the previews despite her reading some “not so hot” reviews on it.

We got there early and chatted until her daughter arrived, then the previews started. A new movie is coming out with Jason Stratham. If you’ve not heard of him, check out the Transporter and Transporter2 movies. He is seriously one hot male specimen of humanity and he does ALL his own stunts!

So the movie begins and the gore starts pretty quickly with a very realistic car accident. As the movie progressed, we realized neither of us is EVER going spelunking EVER! These girls are in a cave that is not “official” and they have some unexpected company. Someone brought a child to the movie and the screams from this kid were simply amazing. While her screams added a certain dimension to the movie, her parent or older sibling should not have brought her. Any hoo, J and I agreed the movie followed the “Horror Movie Rules” by having a simple uncluttered storyline (normal people experience something strange and then have to figure out how to stay alive), the gore made sense with the storyline (read: lots of it but it was not gratuitous), white chick wanders off despite being told to stay with the group and bad things happen, and the actors were good. They weren’t cheesy or bad, meaning J and I never once were shocked out of our suspension of belief while watching this movie unfold by bad dialogue or acting. I thought this movie was definitely one of the better horror movies to have come out in a while.

I give it the “matinee go-ahead”! (if you don’t have to pay full price, it’s worth the money).

Hobbes, My Handsome Man

My nicknames for Hobbes, which I continue to call him, despite a pet psychic informing me that he prefers his real name: Hobber Bobber, HobBob, B-man, Handsome Man, Pooper Do Bear, Pooper Bear Boy, Pooh Bear, Mr. Bear Boy, Bearkins, Scooby-Doo Boy, Hobbesy Bobbsey, Fuzz Butt, Honey Bee, and Man of My Life.

He is a tabby - black, grey and biscuit colored. Favorite positions are: 1) the cookie jar (upright and compact, like you could take off his head and reach inside for a cookie), 2) the loaf of bread (front paws tucked neatly under chest, tail curled under very compact body, he’d fit in bread box perfectly), 3) the Sphinx (laying down with head uprightly dignified with eyes slightly open and paws stretched out front, sometimes crossed – usually in a sunbeam), 4) the druggie (laying on side, belly exposed to all and sundry, catnip sack cradled in one paw so he can “wash” his face with it, big glary eyes, and wacked-out tail), and 5) the crouch (only used when going to attack his buddy/my ankle or bird watching – tail is straight out, tip twitches, nose low to the ground, eyes huge and dilated, ears forward, legs tucked up under him, and he engages in the occasional butt wiggle).


Hobbes is what I consider “a good host”, meaning he will take a bunch of shit and rarely retaliate. And boy, have I given him a lot of shit over the years. He is not the dominant type at all. Loveable, adorable, handsome, persnickety, and smart, but not “top cat” by any means. He waits until I am ready before asking to be fed and this could be up to 3 hours late sometimes. He rarely meows and never at the top of his lungs unless something really bad has happened. He will let me push him around, pull his tail, tweak his whiskers, hug him, maul him, pet his fur backwards, squeeze his paws, open his mouth, give him medicine, clip his claws, chase him around the house, shove him in the cat carrier, blow on him, stick Q-tips in his ears, check his eyes, brush his teeth, turn him upside down when I pick him up, ruffle his belly fur, take his toys away for safety purposes, and he quickly forgives me when I step on him or bang him in the nose with an object because I didn’t see him sniffing it.

Things he doesn’t tolerate, meaning he runs like a yellow-bellied coward and hides in my closet, are the hairdryer, vacuum, doorbell, electric kitchen appliances (like the Cuisinart and mixer), big scary things carried around the house like several of my projects, craft table, and the Christmas tree (when it is first brought into the house), power tools, and men (except for my dad). Things he loves are: 1) eating plastic, anything and everything plastic – bags (Ziploc and shopping), cellophane, tape (packing and scotch), book covers, the plastic on the Kleenex box that ensures tissues come out one by one, cheap thin plastic tabs/toys, the tags on cushions/pillows – I have had to catproof my entire house so he doesn’t have access to any of this, 2) tulle, fake flowers, and ribbons – he will chew on these by the hour and ingest them, 3) to give me deep intense “nose kisses” in the morning after my shower – he raises his head while I lower mine and proceeds to jam his nose up my nostril and rub his forehead up the bridge of my nose, and 4) cleaning his buddy’s ears.

When I leave the house, his two jobs are to keep things cheerful and to keep his nap places cozy. He is a good boy and well-loved. Most definitely the major kitty man.

Project Runway in Nutshell #3

Challenge: design a three piece outfit for INC. brand at Macy’s and the design that wins will be displayed at the Macy’s flagship store and put in production for the INC. line.

Model Mix-up Time – Uli took Keith’s model (*snark snark*) and half the designers chose new and half stayed with their original choices.

Tim informed the designers they would be working in groups of three and team leaders would be chosen by the Macy’s guy, Mehmet, who would pick the leaders depending on sketches and presentations which they had a half hour to pull together.

Angela: “I don’t really sketch as part of my design process so this is really hard.”
Laura did not announce she was an architect! A first!

Mehmet picked 1) Robert because he liked his sketches. 2) Bonnie because she understood the customer (keep this in mind as the synopsis unfolds). 3) Keith because of his color presentation. AND 4) Angela because of her Empire State Building inspiration.

Cut to immediate reactions of most everyone stating emphatically they DO. NOT. WANT. TO. BE. ON. Angela’s team, especially Jeffery (aka The Neck).

Teams are:
Keith - Alison and Jeffery

Bonnie - Uli and Bradley

Robert - Kayne and Vincent

Angela - Michael and Laura

Cut to reactions: Michael – “oh my god!!” and Bradley – “I felt like the boy who gets picked last for the ball game.”

DAY 1
15 minute team pow-wow.

Material shopping where: Angela showed she can take suggestions and work as a team player. Keith smarmed his way into getting $ off his purchase (“I always break the rules if I can.” – keep this in mind as well).

Back at the workroom: Bradley felt Bonnie was hounding him “because of his beard”. Actually she was hounding him because she had watched him work on a shirt for 2 ½ days and get nowhere. Keith delegated all the difficult work to his teammates (and they complained to the American public).

Back in the apartments: The men were discussing Keith’s competitive strategies and Kayne decided to go to the producers and tell them Keith is in possession of design books. The producers called in Tim to be the heavy. Tim told the American public that not only does Keith have design books, but he has also been internetting and went off somewhere during production hours. Tim asked Keith to leave.

Cut to Keith’s reaction: “I didn’t expect this. My reputation is tarnished forever. My friends back home are going to laugh at me. I didn’t use the books for an unfair advantage. I still had a lot of tricks up my sleeve.” And off he went, taking his arrogance and smarminess along with him.

DAY 2
Tim broke the news to the designers. Angela displayed her talent at imitating the “wide mouthed frog”. Laura summed it up succinctly by saying “Keith, what an asshole. I’m glad he’s gone.” Tim told Alison and Jeffery to “carry on and make it work”. Alison had to go off for a recovery cry but came back all determined to go out with all guns firing.

After Uli and Bonnie tell Bradley that he is the only one responsible for the pants and if they don’t work out, they are throwing him under the bus, Bradley stated “I am a squid without an ocean, an eagle without a sky”.

Robert’s team deals with the fact the design is looking “flight attendanty” and Vincent’s disagreeable behavior was making me hark back to his teaming up experience with Angela.

Angela was off merrily making rosettes again while Michael and Laura discussed how “they can’t stop her from hanging herself” and “wait until the fuckin’ runway” – yes, Laura added truck driver to her inappropriate repertoire. After all the bitching behind Angela’s back, Laura actually suggests the rosettes (“the granny circles”) be the buttons on the jacket. Angela is totally on board with this and it appeared the team, despite their dichotomies, is working out quite successfully.

Tim does his rounds and Bradley’s pants refuse to cooperate and go into “filled diaper mode”. Tim suggests he “steam them”. I had to giggle at that point as a visual of steamed poopy diapers floated across my mind’s eye!

RUNWAY DAY
Laura stated “Angela was a good team leader.” Which I actually agreed with.
Jeffery and Alison were feeling confident.

After everyone’s outfits go down the runway, evaluations immediately take place.

The two team with the highest points were Angela’s and in absentia Keith’s.
Angela’s team was told “the outfit looks expensive, vibe was good, fashion-right, the matte and shiny pairing worked as did the grey and pink, the lining was a great idea, and they liked the idea that you could buy the whole outfit or each piece separately.”
Keith’s team was told “love the pant, groovy factor, very hip and active, nice synergy, and modern looking.”

The two teams with the lowest points were Bonnie’s and Robert’s.
Robert’s team was told “were you thinking of an older customer?, don’t see the jacket and the rest of the pieces working together, the skirt had a ‘fanny slit’, the team missed and the outfit was boring.” Vincent stepped up and said Robert was passionate about the design and he that he supported him.
Bonnie’s team was told “who wear’s a cowlneck nowadays?, the brown tweed pants look cheap and dowdy, the outfit is straight out of the 70’s, doesn’t feel fun, and the outfit needed a twist and attitude which it did not have.”

The highest point team had to wait until the next day to see who won.

Robert and Bonnie were the two standing alone. Robert “was too conservative and the outfit had odd proportions.” Bonnie “was not fashion forward, colors were wrong, and design was stale.” Bonnie was deemed out.

NEXT DAY
Angela’s design was in the window. She felt “good and validated”.
Jeffery was uber-disappointed.

RockstarSupernova. UGH!

Zayra. Oh. My. God. Not only was her performance painful to watch but the pseudo Junior Birdman outfit was beyond ridiculous. The band was speechless afterwards and needed to take the commercial break to “process”. When they came back, Dave said “we look forward to your performances because it is something different every time”. Another said “we keep you around because we want to see what you’re going to do”. Tommy asked if she was into mud wrestling. I think they keep her around for the “accident factor”. You know, like on highways where the traffic slows way down and backs up because everyone wants to view the carnage and thank the powers that be that it’s not them. Zayra is a really bad traffic accident so the band is fascinated by her. Unfortunately for me, there was nothing to channel surf to during her abysmally bad performance. Poor Tommy Tutone.

Mom and Dad liked Josh’s reggae version of whatever it was that he sang. They said he sounded good. I didn’t.

Ryan did a good job with the REM song, but he doesn’t have the voice for a heavy metal band lead singer.

Lukas doesn’t have enough “oomph” in his voice to be a lead singer. You can barely hear him over the music.

As far as Storm, the band was right about the “crazy eyes” comment, she does tend to overuse them in a not-so-seductive way.

They should just stop now. How did all these people get through the weeding out process?

Pet Peeve Tuesday

Pet Peeve 1) I don’t “glow”, I don’t “glisten”, I don’t “perspire”. I am beet red and sweating like a frickin’ pig. When I weed, I water the garden with the sweat dripping off my face. When I mow the lawn, I have puddles under my eyes. When I do anything that requires heavy exertion, my face is so red, my soccer coach and the referees have asked if I was going to pass out. A co-worker said she heard that turning red means you have better blood circulation/flow which results in looking younger longer and better skin. Well, I do look many years younger than my actual age, but I don’t have the better skin. Must be because I am so young looking that my skin thinks it’s back in high school. My friend told me that the amount of sweat you produce is a reflection of your physical fitness level. The more you sweat the better shape you are in. For being the quintessential couch potato, I must be in some awesome shape. I just have to walk outside, take my belongings to the car, and I am one seriously shiny specimen of humanity. J said I must be in far better shape than I give myself credit for. Ugh!

Pet Peeve 2) You know when you go to wash your hands and there are no paper towels in the paper towel dispenser or on the roll because the person before you couldn’t lift that extra finger to replace what they just used up? Enough said. This goes for toilet paper too!

Pet Peeve 3) The Muffin Top Syndrome. Obviously young women and teenagers today do not have good friends. When you think hanging over your waistline is attractive, you are seriously wrong. I don’t care what body type you are; overflowing your pants/jeans/shorts/skirt is severely unattractive. If my friend was dressed like this and I didn’t say anything, I would be mortified. Not only for her, but for me for not saying anything. I firmly believe in accentuating the positive and minimizing the negative.

Pet Peeve 4) Finding dog poop on my lawn when I Do. Not. Own. A. Dog.