Monday, August 27, 2007

When PMS Ruled the Weekend

I let the PMS Bitch out of the cage this weekend.

All I wanted was to enjoy my Saturday day with J2 and TJ.

Saturday started off with a bang. I get out of the shower to a super lovey-dovey Doodle who wound herself around my legs and purr-chirped at me incessantly while giving me the Bambi-eyes treatment. She only acts like this when she’s yarfed up an entire meal and wants more coz her stomach is completely empty and she thinks cuteness gets her another meal (it usually does). So I wandered around the house looking for the yarf and couldn’t find a damn thing. I had my suspicions that I wasn’t going to find anything because Moomin was acting like a beached whale and laying around. I called the vet who didn’t answer so I called the other local vet who did answer. When I presented my bizarre TMI suspicions that one cat had yarfed and another cat had eaten it and they put me on hold to ask a vet, I found where Doodle had yarfed – on the back of my couch. No wonder I couldn’t find it, I’d been searching the floors. The vet’s were nice enough to let me know that Moomin would be fine (and does this happen often, no because I usually catch her vomiting before Moomin has a chance to be downright disgusting), but they were really concerned about Doodle throwing up, how long had this been going on, and were concerned about her weight. I told them that she does this every so often when she eats a meal too fast, this has happened since she was a kitten, and that Miss Pudge has no problem with her weight. So the upshot was I was able to leave the house without panicking.

I ended up following a 5-10 mile an hour below the speed limit driver the entire way to J2’s which normally takes me 45 minutes and it took me an hour!!!! And it was VERY VERY hot and humid, which makes me even crankier.

I got to J2’s and was greeted by a very excited and loveable small boy and a large greyhound who tried to bust a hole in the door with her tail she was wagging it so hard. Balm to the PMS soul.

We took TJ candlepin bowling and I got some great shots on my camera. Afterward we went to the bakery to learn my two favorite breads were not available. I was sad. J2 took me to the Farmstand and managed to find one of my breads in the sale bin (day old bread) at the bottom and the other bread was one of three loaves left (fresh). I was happy.

We went to our usual restaurant for lunch and were seated in an area with two other families with toddlers. It was a line of three tables, one separated by a divider so diners only see the tops of adults’ heads.

One table had what was obviously a weekend dad who had NO clue how to talk to much less pre-plan how to deal with his kids. The amount of verbals coming out of this man’s mouth was amazing and very much grating on the exposed PMS nerves (“these are Saltines, you know how they are Saltines? Look at the package, there’s a little Saltine guy, see the Saltine guy, no honey don’t tip your drink up like that, you’ll spill it, see the Saltine guy, he’s on the package, he lets you know they are Saltines, no honey, I told you not to tip the drink up that far, you’ll get it on your clothes….”). He took the boy (5 yrs old) to the bathroom, bringing the sister (2 yrs old) with them. When he got back, he left the boy at the table ALONE while he took the sister to the car to get the diaper bag to take the girl to the bathroom and change her. He was gone for 10 minutes. For 10 minutes, the 5 year old boy was left at the table ALONE. Unbelievably and incredibly stupid!!!!

At the table with the divider was Jack-in-the-Box boy with his completely numb parents. This kid did not stay down for two consecutive seconds and his parents did not reprimand or direct him to stay seated once in the 45 minutes we were there. They never turned their heads towards him, ever.

TJ did fine for the first 15 minutes. He played with his puzzles, talked to me and J2, and babbled out “stories”. Our appetizers arrived and after TJ finished his helping, he finally noticed the Weekend Dad boy and Jack-in-the-Box boy having rather inappropriate interactions (their tables were separated by the divider). Weekend Dad boy tried to poke Jack-in-the-Box boy every time he popped up, some toys were unwillingly exchanged and given back, and some loudness occurred. TJ started getting excited and escalated and lost the use of his listening ears. J2 did her best to contain him and tell him what the expectations of him were, but as no one was dealing with Weekend Dad boy or Jack-in-the-Box boy, she wasn’t having much luck. She finally had to take him aside somewhere else in the restaurant but things didn’t get better once she came back as the issues with the other kids were still not being dealt with.

And our waitress completely disappeared on us. I kept looking around for her so we could get our checks and go. No such luck. When she finally showed up, I asked her for the checks and boxes and she looked at TJ and asked “are we having a hard time?”

“Are we having a hard time?” Well, she just lit the PMS powder keg. I’d HAD it. TJ had been set up for failure by the ineptitude of the numb grown-ups around him and I’d had my last nerve jumped on for the entire shitty week and I just let the biting sarcastic bitchy comment fly. “Having a hard time? Well, yes he is considering the fine behavior examples he has around him.” I said it loud enough so all the tables around us could hear. And I turned and made a point to meet every single pair of eyes straight on with an unblinking stare and tight jaw. Bring it on coz I’ll gladly give the much deserved smackdown!

We finally were able to leave diner hell and have a post-traumatic giggle in the car. She said I was justifiably awful. I told her I had really wanted to confront the Jack-in-the-Box boy’s parents as I was sure they missed the benefit of my bitchy wisdom because of the divider, and I’d been “this close” to doing so, but cooler heads prevailed.

The rest of the day was spent at J2’s home where it was quiet and we could dip our feet in the lake. And I had my bread. And I was full of fried mozzarella sticks.

No comments: