Could I Be Any More Tweaked Out 2.0?

I’m having a shitty week – mentally and physically. Well, not literally physically, but on the physical plane.

Mentally I’m not in a good place regarding myself, could be a touch of depression, but I do NOT like “me, myself, and I”. I’m feeling UGLY and downright 2 years old and oppositional and not willing to make lifestyle changes and craving all sorts of inappropriate foods and serving sizes and can’t get my act together to walk 10,000 steps (should I add walking before work? - no coz I don’t want to get out of bed even tho I’m already up at the butt crack of dawn, should I go during work? – no coz something always comes up or I’m traveling or in a meeting, should I go after work? – I should, but I’m tired and all I want to do is make dinner, cuddle with cats, read, and do/finish the things I couldn’t get done during the day). But that’s all excuses; I have no real firm reason to not get off my fat couch potato ass and just go for a goddamn walk! Except I’m lazy and I like sedentary things, like reading and cuddling with cats and those are not viable.

I’m also feeling lonely and adrift. My friends are busy or out of state or have mini families in the making. My parents are all puppy-preoccupied and they have their own lives and interests and things to do. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up and I keep meeting people leaving their jobs and “doing what they love or have always wanted to do” or having a million dollar idea.

I have so much to complete at work and I haven’t been able to get any of my day’s plans completed. I stayed at work til 6:30pm to finish something the phone, other people, meetings, quick co-worker trip to the DQ, and emails prevented me from finishing. Every time I get a phone message, it’s bad news, something’s gone wrong or awry, or it’s a cancellation and… People, it’s the end of the month, I have 4 working business days to get a shitload of cancelled meetings rescheduled and plans reviewed, typed up, reviewed, signed, copied, and mailed out, not to mention applications for this that and the other, and and and… I can’t even talk right and get out of my own way. I tried to explain to a co-worker why one of our meetings was cancelled and I couldn’t say “chest X-ray”, I said “Chex” repeatedly instead.

And now my car may be emitting an odor that resembles the smell an overheated vacuum makes when it sucks up a curtain, corner of a rug, or has too much of my hair in the treads and you have to turn it over to cut away the stuff wrapped around the beater bar as it is impeding it’s ability to function properly (which happened last night – freakin’ me out) or could it possibly be the general overall scent of the fresh morning air? I can’t tell and so I’m all on nose alert, overly so.

And Moomin, my bravest cat (the one who greets company, sniffs people out the window, watches the neighbors do their neighborly stuff, lets me use the vacuum/Cuisinart/hammer/etc without leaving the room or flinching) is acting all squirrelly, totally doing the MeerKat big-eyed “predators are a’comin” thing. I don’t understand why the spare bedroom has suddenly become the scariest place on earth. I can’t find anything wrong, I can’t smell anything, and nothing is out of place or broken or or or… I told him the only thing it could be was an astral visitor or someone on the spiritual plane, “and if you are, you need to move along as you are tweaking my cat right out!”

So I’m having visions of my house slowly smoldering to the ground or I have a stalker coz pets are supposed to be like early warning systems and save families from gas leaks, fires, and burglars, oh my! It’s true, I’ve seen the stories on TV!