An Announcement and a Old Email Share

I had perfect hair today. And when I say perfect, I mean PERFECTION. Hair that you see in commercials and in magazines. My stacks in the back curled under, the sides curled under, the annoying layers on top curled under and slightly forward, the front curled under, no flipadoing, no tweaking out at the sides in a half-hearted twist, no going opposite ways, no hairs sticking straight up at the part... just beautiful bob perfection. And it stayed that way all day. ALL DAY! Out in the cold dealing with trash day (and that was pure annoyance from hell, let me tell you, with zippy bags of poopNpee exploding all over the place), pulling on and off a neck gator more than once, wearing the neck gator (which has been known to make curls go wrong), and going in and out several times. Of course, the only people who got to experience said hair perfection were my co-workers and no one commented on the heaven that was my hair today. Well, I got one comment but it wasn't perfection related, just that she liked the bobbishness of my new 'do. But I've been admiring myself in the mirror and have just now torn myself away to share an old email with you that never fails to make me laugh every time I read it.

Subject: Is Hell Exothermic?

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, which is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic [gives off heat] or endothermic [absorbs heat]?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boil's Law [gas cools off when it expands and heats up when it is compressed] or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving.

I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell, since there are more then one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.

Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boil's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms. Teresa Banana during my Freshman year, '... and that will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then #2 cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze."

The student received the only "A" given.