Tag You're IT...

but only if you wanna do this meme and post your answers on your blog.

1) If you could instantly acquire 3 additional skills - what would they be?

- speak to groups of people (adults)

- computer

- design and make clothes

2) What 3 outrageous things would you try if no one knew about it?

- ghost hunter

- therapist (I was told today that I had the makings to be a "good one")

- Coyote Ugly bartender

3) What 3 daring things sound intriguing even if you'd probably never attempt them?

- visiting the Catacombs of Paris

- crossing the Bermuda Triangle several times before I disappeared from this dimension

- personal assistant to a famous person, Victoria Beckham would be interesting...

4) What 3 all-expense-paid vacations appeal to you?

- somewhere in the Virgin Islands

- skiing the Alps again

- Scandanavia (Sweden, Norway, Finland, and Denmark)

5) Favorite 3 "work with hands" activities?

- typing, my German typing teacher tried hard to make it unpleasant, but she failed!

- cooking Spaghetti Bread

- creating arts&crafts (sorry not more specific)

6) What 3 jobs would you like to try/do?

- DJ at a big-ass famous club

- one of those tiger people on Tiger Island

- photographer

7) If you could slip into someone else's life, what 3 people would you try out for a while (time travel permitted)?

- Queen Elizabeth I during her heyday

- Marilyn Monroe

- Empress Josephine during her heyday

Project Runway in Nutshell #3

Jack informed the Viewers he's been HIV positive for 7 years and he's in the best health he's ever been.

Catty comments fly about if Christian had been auffed instead of Marion how no one will miss him. Chris practically wet his pants laughing about this.

Challenge: A first for PR, designing an outfit for a man, a huge man no less, to wear on the Today Show. Tiki Barbar, running back for NY Giants and Today Show correspondent, said he liked dark colors, texture, patterns, depth, details, and he's "not afraid of color as he's been known to wear pink at times". Apparently wearing pink is a manly man thing, the more manly you are, the more pink you can wear. He also informed the designers he has a big neck and a big butt that need to be accomodated for.

Steven: "I don't know anything about football other than it's a sport where wearing lots of Spandex is acceptable."

As they head back into the Design School, Christian is carried in someone's bag like Paris Hilton's teacup chiuahuaha (sp so off, I know) in her handbag. He sure has the disposition of one of them too. Yap yap piss piss.

The Viewers are treated to non-sketching and flummoxed looks. Then frantic scurrying around Mood to find fabric for their invisible designs.

Jack used his "Survivor" skills and turned his shorts into a template (while wearing an improvised kilt that Christian had drawn cherries on in his ass region) and Victorya and Carmen jumped on the cheating bandwagon. Chris asked how difficult can menswear be when "pants are just two big sleeves sewn together."

Welcome to Meerkat Designer Mansion (the sewing/cutting montage).

Heads down, heads up, who's cheating?

Heads down, heads up, who's cutting directly into the fabric?

Heads down, heads up, who's spending too much time cutting out a muslin pattern?

Heads down, heads up, who's got a piece finished?

Heads down, heads up, who's ripping the guts out of their garment?

Heads down, heads up, is Ricky crying yet?

At midnight, Steven turned into a Pimp, courtesy of a BlueFly hat.

The next day, all the "boys" (except Kevin who made sure we knew he is straight) drooled over the male models in their various states of undress. Steven said he finally understood the straight man's preoccupation with a mass of women in their underwear. Elisa's otherworldliness was confined to letting the Viewers all know that her boyfriend is the "only man" she watches undress or has fitted directly onto and she got all modest and kept her back turned while he dressed. Ricky and Carmen pulled a Jeff&Angela preschool act. Nice. So mature. Tim had a special guest critique the designers' creations which resulted in some lispy gushiness from Christian.

Ricky crying yet? No but he's really panicky...

Next morning, the chaotic pre-runway adrenaline dump. Sweet P has no neck to her shirt. Jack has no vest. Carmen has no shirt. Ricky has safety pins. Frantic frantic frantic...

Male models get make-upped. Too metro-sexual for my tastes, I'm the only one who should be wearing mascara.

Out on the runway, Heidi's outfit should have been auffed. Made my eyes hurt.

All the people picked to be safe were not very memorable other than:

Victorya's white jacket with black collar which I liked but would be too bright for the camera.

Steven's knit top which made his model's head look like the size of a pea because his shoulders and chest were so accentuated as to be almost deformed-lookingly HUGE, could you imagine that on a football player's physique?

Top Three:

Jack: - I thought his outfit would not do well on TV. When the PR camera was a certain distance away, the stripes in the shirt went all optical-illusiony and looked like they were moving. Not to mention the dark striped pants and the light striped shirt looked like negatives of each other. (Judges: "smart", "he didn't bite off more than he could ch(s)ew")

Kevin - Shiny Shiny Shiny, also not good for TV. And pinning the top of the vest together made it look like it didn't fit the model. (Judges: "it was a look" although Heidi didn't think of it so much for Seal, more for David Beckham. And the way she said Beckham's name I got the impression she does. not. like. him.)

Kit - Her outfit was Blah - dark jacket, khaki pants, white shirt, but the reason she was in the top three was because her outfit fit and the jacket was made of a fleece material which would translate well on camera. (Judges: "versatile" and "unique")

Bottom Three:

Sweet P - Well, the shirt was a nightmare, 3/4 sleeves and the mess of a collar, not to mention the tie made for a giant. (Judges: "the concept was totally wrong")

Ricky - Now, those were some ball showin' pants, they'd be practically porno as Tiki's self-confessed big butt flaw would PULL that pants front TIGHT. Hmmm... lingerie for men? (Judges: "looks like a 5 year old made it", well he was acting like a preschooler earlier.)

Carmen - She is SOOOO stuck in the 80's and what's sad is she does NOT even realize it. That jacket was awful as were the pants. I thought the blue swag under the jacket to cover a naked chest was a good "fix it" idea but not for a man. A woman could get away with that quick fix and look like she meant to do that. (Judges: "pants could have been for a Boogie Nights star")

Winner: Jack
Auffed: Carmen

Ricky finally cried.

And To All A Good Meal

And to all a good nap!

This is my wonderful friend and coworker, C, who invited me to spend the earlier part of Thanksgiving Day with her and her family (18 of 'em and that's not all of them). That's baby G in the pink. No really funny stories, but lots of good cheer, laughter, and a homey atmosphere. At her house there was a plethora of food and complicated family tree relatives. Everyone brought a dish, I was in charge of the corn. I didn't have any left over to take home, whew! We munched on: crackers, cheese, chips, dip, shrimp, cheese ball, hummus, turkey, ham, rolls, bread, peas, corn, onion casserole, sweet potato casserole, candied yams, baked sweet potatos, mashed potatos, in-the-bird stuffing, non-bird stuffing, Kielbasa (for a relative that doesn't eat either ham or turkey), gravy, cranberry sauce, spiced carrots, and two other cassroles I never got the name of. For dessert there was: pecan pie, pumpkin pie, coconut creme pie, chocolate creme pie, red Jello, brownies, choc chip cookies, pumpkin cookies, sugar cookies, and candy. I tell ya, I'm sooo glad I had little bits of everything because then at 5pm I went to my parents Thanksgiving dinner and had this pictured below (well, that's actually my dad's plate pictured, I had very small helpings of everything).

Dad's plate o' food.

Dad who can't wait to dig in. See he considers the entire month of November his b-day, so he eats turkey and the fixings at least 6-7 times throughout the month. Poor mom!

And here is the very svelte turkey-makin' Mom having a toot of wine. You go girl!

Me digging into my second Tday dinner!

Hobbes having half of the turkey's "oyster". Mom, he loved it and snarfed it down in a matter of seconds!

Doodle took a bit longer as she divided her attention between her regular dry and the other half of the "oyster".

Mr. Moomin is on a special diet so no turkey for him. He didn't mind, he was very excited to have a later-than-usual dinner.

And how can we forget Riley who "stayed" on his puff the entire dinner and was randomly rewarded with cheese. If you look closely, you should be able to see the cheese right before it goes into his mouth. Nice shot don't ya think? Dad and I worked hard to get this one. Damn flash delay!

Be Thankful You Aren't Being Served This for Thnxgiving Dinner

Who in their right mind would want to eat something that not only looks supremely unappetizing but may induce violent bathroom going?

Where I come from, celery is green.

This one is here just on the principle I don't eat mouth parts.

This one's "lovely and inviting to the tummy" color earned it a spot on my list. And it's molding.

The intense plumpness and pinkness is just disturbing.

The first dish on the list that resembles baby poop. And made out of liver no less.

Ham should be in typical "ham" form or in deli slices or bacon, never a ring!

I'm betting the surprise is the Pepto-Bismal pink sauce...

The color alone gets MY tastebuds all a-quiver, in a pre-vomit sort of way.

Tomatos are best in their natural state, at least in their natural state they don't resemble congealed blood in an unappetizing mold form decorated with olives.

This one is wrong on so many levels. It's still got eyes for Goodness Sakes! And that's the least of the wrongness!

The second dish that looks like baby poop, or rather, diarrhea. I thought sweet potatoes were orange.

This one looks like preserved vomit.

This one doesn't have a recipe but I had to show it simply for the encased floating shrimp combined with the lime green color. Stomach turning.

It's a little hard to tell, but these eggs are englobed in clear gelatin or aspic. As are the decorations on the eggs. Just makes you want to POP one into your mouth!

And my all time favorite... vomit suspended in a clear gelatin mold.

Project Runway in Nutshell #2

Boy Howdy and knit me some britches...

Show started with the "model pick". Everyone stayed with their original model except for Ricky aka Catboy who shamelessly gloated while he stole Elisa's model.

Challenge: design an outfit for a pop-culture fashion icon which turned out to be Sarah Jessica Parker and her "Bitten" line of "high end American sportswear for less". Designers had 30 minutes to brainwave a design and then pitch it to SJP so she could pick team leaders. I could tell right away that all the "boys" have had regular tranfusions of "Sex and the City".

Design stipulations: material budget only $15, had to be for the Fall/Winter line, and consist of 2 pieces. Winning design will be in the line and sold in some Something or Other store that definitely is not in Maine. Chris' comment on the budget - "toilet paper and Scotch tape". He's actually quite funny.

Slambo observation: Does anyone else think Christian's hair resembles a dry toilet swirlie?

Ricky cried.

Team leaders + picked team member:
1) Ramy + Jillian
2) Ricky + Jack
3) Marion + Steve (he thought it would be a calming experience)
4) Victorya + Kevin
5) Kit + Chris
6) Christian + Carmen
7) Elisa + Sweet P (Elisa said she wanted P from the get-go and P was horrified she was paired up with Crunchy Granola Goofy Goodness)

Togetherness in the form of shopping, forming, fitting, and sewing...

Elisa treated Sweet P to a barrage of "high end" vocabulary and inducted her into the secrets of "spit marking" which not only lets you know your hand measurements but also imbues the fabric with your energy. P was appalled and spent some time trying to bring Elisa "onto Planet Earth where we use tools". I'm not going to pretend I think Elisa is all there, but I will give her credit for being one damn fast hand sewer and for all the "in touch" futzing with the fabric, she does make something that is far more polished than the more structured designers.

Ricky cried YET again.

The next morning, Tim advised everyone "to knock SJP's stockings off."

In the Tresseme Hair Salon, Christian was giving the hair people tips - What's wrong with that picture?!

Slambo's Runway impressions: Ramy's and Kit's designs, I have no recollection of them. Ricky's was lipstick in motion. Christian's looked like a motorcycle jacket over a teal body stocking. Marion's looked like shredded wheat. Elisa's dress looked modern and the cape was kicky. Victorya - well, she designed a nice black garbage bag.

Judges' impressions and mis-impressions: They were so on when they said Christian's was 80's retro and all he needed was the big butt and big earrings. Also spot on was when Michael called Marion's design "Cousin It", Heidi said it was "a dirty basement rag", and they all agreed it was the incredible growing sweater with the bra-showing arm holes. I thought the judges were so far off base when they praised Victorya's trash bag inspired dress. I could barely see the teeny tiny vest lost in all the voluminousness of the glorified garbage bagginess.

Winner: Victorya (I guess this means garbage bags are the new trend. Girls, grab your scissors and your wide belts, and don't forget a child-sized vest!)

Auf: Marion

UFO buffs get ready because Elisa said she was "coming to 'your' planet but with her own gifts". Better rush outside with your camera and umbrella to catch a glimpse of a brightly flying designer emitting spittle.

A Typical Day in the Life

I wake up.

I shower.

I feed cats then watch them while simultaneously fixing my homemade-take-to-office breakfast and lunch.

I get dressed.

I scoop poopNpee.

I go to work.

I paint the Thankgiving Boxes for which I've organized an office food drive to fill.

I get red acrylic paint on my nice striped Eddie Bauer button shirt.

I frantically wash red spot to get it off and manage fairly well.

I finish boxes and try to get some documenting done.

I go to a meeting at our local library (coz I'm all about making certain library employees uncomfortable whenever I can - Linda says "hi" to you by way, Mom, I think it's Linda - short/wavy bobbish shoulder length dark hair/kinda plump/glasses).

I meet.

I end meeting and go to car.

I discover I left my lights on for the duration of the meeting and have drained my car battery dry.

I have a minor mental shit fit coz I'm on the clock and am a community role model (the golden side of the coin, there's an easily accessible phone very nearby).

I discover there is not a person that parked after me that told anyone at the front desk that my lights were on so they could announce it over the PA system to help a fellow clueless human being out (I would have SO made sure to let a front desk person know someone left their lights on and have done so quite a few times. Apparently my Carma isn't working.)

I come back into library and call AAA which takes 15 minutes to take down my info (believe me, I watched the clock as I had another meeting to get to and needed help FAST) and the lady who was helping me was not happy I did not own a cell phone and couldn't wait by the library phone (well, I needed to be by my car which was out in the back parking lot so the JumpStart AAA person could get to the battery in a timely manner coz God Forbid anyone should let me know they were there!).

I wait for AAA under my umbrella.

They come, they jump start, they advise 20 minutes of driving or leaving the car running, they leave.

I leave and drive for 20 minutes.

I get to the office and get the next meeting's materials.

I go to another town's library.

I meet.

I come home to cat vomit in the spare room.

I clean it up.

I feed the cats.

I watch them while simultaneously changing out of work clothes into pre-bedtime clothes.

I make and eat dinner.

I watch last week's Supernatural and set VCR timer to record today's Supernatural so I can watch Grey's Anatomy.

I go to bed so I can get up VERY early tomorrow to organize Thanksgiving baskets and go shopping at Wal-Mart to fill in the gaps and then drop the baskets off to the respective families in need which will result in an altruistic glow for rest of the day.

Project Runway in Nutshell #1

Hey, this is going to be down and dirty coz I'm very tired from an extremely long day at work.

Warning: Non-PC first impressions that will most definitely be unsuitable to people who have no sense of humor. Impressions subject to change as show goes on...

The Girls (in no particular order):

Old Biker Chick named Sweet P (who also has a tattoo of a "mean P" - whatever that is).

Sin City Rosario Dawson Wannabe named Carmen

Yoga Doing Weed Visionary Crunchy Granola Extraordinaire named Elisa (who besmirched expensive fabric by grinding into the grass to bring on the essential earthiness of being into her work while Tim looked on in stunned disbelief)

Jeff-from-last-season Wannabe or Jeff's MiniMe named Kit aka Pistol (right)

Smart Asian Girl Who Takes No Crap From Anyone named Victorya (with a Y no less)

Bitchy Jumper Wearing Girl named Jillian (who is apparently channeling Angela's bubble skirtedness - not a good thing)

Blah-blah-blah Bland Girl (I could not find anything about her other than her name) named Simone

The Boys (and boy, are they "boys"):

Emotional YMCA Singer Dressed in the Cop Outfit who Designs Lingerie named Ricky (what else?)

Uptight Urkel with French Stewart Facial Expressions named Steven (another architect)

Little Rascals Flower Designer named Marion (I'm tired of the hats already)

Right Said Fred's So Not Sexy Wannabe named Ramy (what's with the low cut tanks - eeuww)

Flaming Fat Boy Who Can't Run to Save His Life Much Less Race for Fabric named Chris

Physical Fitness Boxer Brief Boy named Jack (who apparently thinks this show is a Match.com with the shirtless/boxer action he's giving)

Backstreet Boys Joey Fatone LookALike named Kevin (hey there was a Backstreet Boy named Kevin but so not this guy)

and the Folically-Challenged Vertically Challenged Condenscending Effeminate Beeyotch Boy named Christian who is my least favorite.

"She's a little strange." so says the pot named Christian calling the kettle named Elisa black.

Challenge: to create a signature piece using the tent fabrics or "Don't Go Into the Fear Box" (I can't remember who said that but it sums up the challenge nicely).

Elisa finishes her dress before the deadline and takes a snooze.

Top Three:

Christian with his ugly little jacket and pleated skirt ensemble - he was told he was quirky, designed a good silhouette (sp?), edgy, and his design was "growing on" the guest judge (a good design shouldn't have to "grow on" you - ugh).

Ramy with his drapey dress - he was told his design was chic, beautiful, sophisticated, but the shoulder flower was not the best accent he could have gone with (matronly was what MK said "but he knows how to drape fabric").

Victorya with this black dress that so did not register on MY radar other than the big silver bird plop right above the model's booby - she was told her design was flirty and the silver was a nice touch.

Bottom Three:

Simone with her blah blah blah dress with unmatching jacket - she was told she had poor construction, her elements did not go together and her model looked like she got dressed in the dark, her design was boring, and there was "no WOW factor". I had a feeling from the beginning of the show she wasn't going to be star material.

Ricky with his baby doll dress (how is that fashion forward?) - he was told he was playing it too safe. He's a lingerie designer for goodness sakes, isn't it his job to stop traffic?

Elisa with her aqua blue dress which looked like some drunk designer had ingested too much fabric and vomited scraps all over the back of the dress, I believe Heidi's comment was it looked like the model "was pooing fabric". Pooing fabric, I like that but I have no idea what conversation I'm going to fit that into.

Winner: Ramy
Out: Simone (I knew it!)

Sorry it's not a super witty post, but I'm out of PRactice and tired. Hopefully I will be more "on" next time.

Bloggin' Plans...

I plan on nutshelling Project Runway.

I plan on sharing some 1974 recipe cards with pictures that are not only a hoot and a half, but nausea-inducing as well.

I plan on trying and sharing black n white photo experiments.

I plan on having a Christmas contest where you the readers may have a chance to win some of my wonderfully delightful and addicting Christmas candy.

I plan on sharing a possible holiday project if I ever get my ass in gear which should be soon as TV will be entering ReRunCity after this week (holidays, humbug, now I have to wait until JANUARY for Prison Break! And who knows what will happen with the writers' strike) and I will have PLENTY of time to work on a project damnit, well except at 10pm on Wed for PR of course.

and I plan on continuing to blather like an idiot about all and sundry.

Now This Is Pure Birthday Joy

My pseudonephew's 3rd birthday. You gotta love the zest with which he ate the multi-colored but mainly blue frosted Thomas the Tank Engine bday cake and Fully Loaded Edy's ice-cream!

Much Ado About Nothing Day

1) I crawl out of bed this morning at 5:30am so I can be ready for Pee Sample Patrol. I'm no where near "awake" at that time in the morning and catching a urine sample at the asscrack of dawn is definitely a challenge of major proportions. But because I missed the damn window of opportunity yesterday, I was bound and determined to have Moomin pee in a bowl today. And you know what he did? Based on past history, your answer would be that he peed on demand. Oh no, he did NOT comply with giving me his pee! He stretched, yawned, sniffed his litter, jumped on Doodle, ate his breakfast, played a fast game of Octopus and CatTree, zoomed between windows to watch birds and squirrels get blown about by the very strong wind and rain, more jumping and chomping of other cats, some random cat box visiting to raise owner's lagging hopes, and love festing said tired and pissed off owner. Then when I've completely given up and taken a shower and am in the process of brushing my teeth, Moomin decides he's going to dig to China. "Hooray, it's about time" I'm thinking as I brush teeth, grab bowl, and position myself in all my urine catching readiness. And what do I get for three and a half hours of waiting? A POOP sample. POOP... God bless it!

2) I get to work late, meaning I've gotta stay there until 6pm and it's VERY dark by that time. UGH. And rainy, more UGH!

3) All day I am linguistically challenged. My emails make no sense, I have to retype everything because I can't spell or be grammatically correct for the life of me. It does make for some very interesting moments though.

4) I learn from a co-worker (who went to take her old medications to a local hospital that was having one of their Bring in Your Old Medications Day, to encourage not flushing expired/no longer using meds down the toilet or sink) that in some town reservoirs there is a therapeutic level of medication in the water. Therapeutic level. Therapeutic for whom? And people wonder why there are rising rates of all sorts of fuckedupedness going on with humans in today's world.

5) I'm getting all creative in the kitchen. This weekend I made a Mexican Casserole from a recipe in my head that just needs minor changes the next time I make it - like the cheese will go on top of the tomato/bean/carrot mix instead of being directly on the top. Don't get me wrong. I love brown cheese, but Mexican Casseroles need melty cheese as well. I made Twice Baked Mashed Potatos tonight using my twice baked potato recipe. It's such a pain in the ass (and takes so freakin' long) to bake the potatos and cut them in half and scoop out their guts and then mix with the other ingredients, that I just short cutted the whole process by using little red potatos, boiled them up, mashed them up with the cream chz, mixed the red+orange+yellow pepper/green onions/bacon bits, dumped it in a casserole dish, and baked the whole damn thing until the potato white horses on top became golden brown. I figured out the calories by dividing by 10 servings and a serving is 302 calories. Yes! will go well with steamed yellow cauliflower on the side for dinner. This will balance out the 502 calorie serving of Mexican Casserole for lunches.

6) I still cannot access the $14.99 deal for Verizon DSL. Starting to get irritated. I guess I'm going to have to call the number provided. Fat lot of good that will do. I was told talking to a real person is NOT going to get me that deal. I may have to pull the super sweet bitch card and pray I don't get outsourced to India.

7) Now let's see. That makes 5 different swear words in one post. Ooooh, this will make my mother wish she had a bar of soap and wonder exactly what she and Dad paid for for my college eddication!

BackYard Wildlife - Fall Version

I thought I would take another spider picture and I found that when I cropped and enlarged it afterwards, you can see the light reflecting off the spider's eyes and all his (or her) fuzzy bits. Click to see bigger and you'll see why I'm so impressed with my camera, not to mention my picture taking abilities, ahem...

This little critter-dude came by only to fill up his cheeks. He made many trips and then disappeared for the day.


This critter, on the other hand, comes every damn day and stuffs his tummy full of sunflower seeds.

This would be a more vivid picture but all the yellow finches have turned brown in prep for winter coming. Usually there is some squabbling as to who's turn on which perch.

And finally the Masked Bandit Threesome. They actually pulled one of the feeders down so hard it boomeranged the hook off the porch and out into the yard. I really haven't seen them since.