Wednesday, July 26, 2006

Hellacious

Okay, I know everyone has been commenting on the heat (blogs, news, Al Gore, and what-have-you), but I must share the following conversation…

Setting: Air-conditioned 2nd floor office with 4 people jammed into one room with 4 desks, 4 constantly running computers, 2 windows, 4 floor lamps instead of fluorescent lights, 4 phones, 5 rolling chairs, 2 two-drawer file cabinets, 1 bookcase, a gazillion plants, and ineffectual blinds on the windows (read: let the light shine on through, all the hot sunshiny light, all day, all freakin’ afternoon). Two lane highway outside providing plenty of super heated asphalt-baked air flavored with car exhaust, truck exhaust (there is a big dif between the two), and occasional manure wafting over the tree line from neighboring fields.

Characters: Two co-workers, who we’ve dubbed the “Sauna Girls” (these two wear fleece and sweaters because the air conditioning is “too cold” when it is set at 74*!), and me and my co-worker who are the “Ice Queens” of the office (we sweat at the 74* setting - we much prefer the mid to lower 60’s).

Outside: Humid, hot, not particularly breezy, muggy, the plants are drooping, the grass is turning brown, and the cars are giving off heatwaves you can see.

Me: God, outside is like being in someone’s mouth!
Ice Queen: You can say that again.
SaunaGirl 1: [shivering in her sweater] Oooh, like Patrick Dempsey’s mouth! I so want to be in his mouth.
SaunaGirl 2: [shivering in her fleece pullover] Yes, I can feel myself in Joachim Phoenix’s mouth, no wait, Brad Pitt’s mouth!
SaunaGirl 1: I would have liked to be in Tom Cruise’s mouth, but he’s gotten too pseudo-religious.
Me: That would be like being in some weird version of hell. It would be hell to be in anyone’s mouth.
Ice Queen: It’s just too stinkin’ hot. My dogs are miserable.
SaunaGirl 1: Well, if I had to be in someone’s mouth, I’d like it to be someone who takes care of it.
Me: To me, someone’s mouth that had a lot of money poured into keeping it aesthetically nice and someone’s uncared-for-halitosis-spewing-rotten-tooth-furry-tongued mouth is not much to choose from today. Neither please!
SaunaGirl 2: I think I’d like to visit Johnny Depp’s mouth. Savvy?
Ice Queen: Come to think of it, I might like to be what the Rock is cookin’.
SaunaGirl 1: Gimme a tall skinny white boy any day!
Me: Can we turn the air conditioning back up?

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