A Short, Sweet, Hot, and Humid Post

Hi all, it's just too damn hot and muggy for a long involved post, so here are pictures of my three furry kids doing what I wish I was doing right now instead of heading out to hit a bucket of balls with a client. Uggh!

Don't they look comfy and cozy and beyond relaxed and lazy?

And Moomin's made his contribution to the Full Frontal Friday tradition!

Project Runway in Nutshell #2

eHere is a brief recap of last night’s Project Runway…

The designers had to be inspired by one of “fashion’s hottest accessories” – tiny [one brain cell, yapping, pissing] dogs a la Paris Hilton and Nichole Ritchie, whip up a story, create a dress and complementing dog outfit, and show America how unequipped they are with dealing with a lower-order animal (see Vincent and Angela in last week’s show for an even better example of this).

Bradley’s birthday was the 2nd day of the design challenge.

Apartments are back to normal.

1st Day:
Kayne kept his model (like we’re supposed to be surprised?)

Uncannily, dog and designer matched in looks (folks, ya gotta see it to believe it, especially Keith – exotic rarified nose-in-air dog and Vincent – scruffy dog with behavior issues).

Laura insulted Kayne and Robert by stating her fabric choice was more tasteful than theirs. Kayne picked a wild pattern and Robert picked “Faux Chanel in Pepto Barbie Pink”.

Katherine worries as she has never made a dress before.

Vincent shows how creepy he is by his unhinged laughing while creating a hat for the dog.

Keith snarks on “Angela’s bag of Skittles” design.

Laura does an extremely bad impression of an outraged “home girl just lookin’ out fo’ her man” – suggestion to Laura, don’t do this again, a WASP-like woman can never pull this off and should not attempt to do so no matter how much she likes or has bonded with a brotha!

Bradley changes design mid-stream after putting in a full day’s work.

2nd Day:
Tim makes his way through the room with suggestions, raves, and his trademark blank look when he sees something he doesn’t like. Told Katherine her dress is too simple and said yes to her “shrug” idea. Approved Uli’s printed fabrics. Told Keith he was innovative but needs to dress the dog. Disapproved of Angela’s “over the top – why?” outfit. Said to Bradley “I don’t get it, I don’t understand” and suggested he redo the top.

So Bradley changes his design yet again and considers having his model walk down the runway wearing nothing.

Runway Day:
Models and dogs swarmed in to be fitted, haired, make-upped, and accessorized.

Uli – seems to prefer the “loose boobies” look but dress was well done, pattern mix worked, and judges liked it.
Keith – pleated orange dress that was well-fitted but he did not dress the dog which judges were not impressed about and told him this prevented him from winning.
Michael – brown dress with crossover detail between neck and bosom. I’m not real impressed.
Laura – plaid outfit with furry collar and cuffs the color of her hair.
Vincent – had an ‘80s flashback tight black dress combined with see-thru leggings that went to just over the knee. The dog misbehaved but had a definite outfit on.
Angela – bubble skirt with rosettes on it and a pewter colored something top. Judges said it was “raunchy, didn’t show taste, and was over the top” and did not like her “Paris Art Director for 6 yr olds” story line at all
Katherine – decided against the shrug for the model but made one for the dog. Dress was too simple and was a bit raggy. Judges liked the dog’s shrug.
Bonnie – she had a coated something that did not stand out.
Kayne - for the pattern he picked, he did absolutely nothing with it.
Robert – uninspired Chanel derivative. I can say no more.
Alison – white dress and jacket and model with BIG hair. Judges liked the outfit and her story.
Jeffery (aka The Neck) – I liked his dress with the panels and cupped top.
Bradley – surprise surprise! After changing his design several times and many shots of him working and reworking a shiny gold fabric, he actually has an outfit go down the runway and [wait for it] the judges couldn’t say enough nice things about it. They liked the “play of volume” and “it could be in an Elle shoot”. I have to admit, I was flabbergasted and perplexed with the gushing over a minimal rushed half-assed effort.

Uli won the challenge and immunity, Alison 2nd, and Bradley 3rd.
Keith in, Angela in but barely, and Katherine was deemed “out”.

And now… Welcome to Design College!

We are offering a course in Advanced Arrogance.
Prerequisite for taking this class is Arrogance 101 where Prof. Keith Michael will have already boldly demonstrated how to sell a design by touching Miss America’s breasts and making uncomfortable comments about her legs.
In Advanced Arrogance, Prof. Keith Michael will demonstrate his trademark head roll (as rolling your eyes doesn’t convey enough attitude) when hearing comments from judges he disagrees with. He will also show you how to successfully call someone a “bad mommy” after taking over a sewing machine that someone else was using and get away with it. In addition, Prof. Keith Michael will share how to have clashes with someone as arrogant as himself (Laura) to provide entertainment for the American public.

Hellacious

Okay, I know everyone has been commenting on the heat (blogs, news, Al Gore, and what-have-you), but I must share the following conversation…

Setting: Air-conditioned 2nd floor office with 4 people jammed into one room with 4 desks, 4 constantly running computers, 2 windows, 4 floor lamps instead of fluorescent lights, 4 phones, 5 rolling chairs, 2 two-drawer file cabinets, 1 bookcase, a gazillion plants, and ineffectual blinds on the windows (read: let the light shine on through, all the hot sunshiny light, all day, all freakin’ afternoon). Two lane highway outside providing plenty of super heated asphalt-baked air flavored with car exhaust, truck exhaust (there is a big dif between the two), and occasional manure wafting over the tree line from neighboring fields.

Characters: Two co-workers, who we’ve dubbed the “Sauna Girls” (these two wear fleece and sweaters because the air conditioning is “too cold” when it is set at 74*!), and me and my co-worker who are the “Ice Queens” of the office (we sweat at the 74* setting - we much prefer the mid to lower 60’s).

Outside: Humid, hot, not particularly breezy, muggy, the plants are drooping, the grass is turning brown, and the cars are giving off heatwaves you can see.

Me: God, outside is like being in someone’s mouth!
Ice Queen: You can say that again.
SaunaGirl 1: [shivering in her sweater] Oooh, like Patrick Dempsey’s mouth! I so want to be in his mouth.
SaunaGirl 2: [shivering in her fleece pullover] Yes, I can feel myself in Joachim Phoenix’s mouth, no wait, Brad Pitt’s mouth!
SaunaGirl 1: I would have liked to be in Tom Cruise’s mouth, but he’s gotten too pseudo-religious.
Me: That would be like being in some weird version of hell. It would be hell to be in anyone’s mouth.
Ice Queen: It’s just too stinkin’ hot. My dogs are miserable.
SaunaGirl 1: Well, if I had to be in someone’s mouth, I’d like it to be someone who takes care of it.
Me: To me, someone’s mouth that had a lot of money poured into keeping it aesthetically nice and someone’s uncared-for-halitosis-spewing-rotten-tooth-furry-tongued mouth is not much to choose from today. Neither please!
SaunaGirl 2: I think I’d like to visit Johnny Depp’s mouth. Savvy?
Ice Queen: Come to think of it, I might like to be what the Rock is cookin’.
SaunaGirl 1: Gimme a tall skinny white boy any day!
Me: Can we turn the air conditioning back up?

Just Having One of Those Mondays

Well, I am having one of those Mondays. I left my lunch bag at work for the weekend so it naturally follows that I forgot my lunch today, because my lunch wasn’t in my regular visual cue of my green and yellow bag. Also, getting to work, I realized my skirt was coming down, possibly getting ready to fall to my ankles at some extremely embarrassing point. I was jerry-rigging it to stay up with a clip when I saw that I put my underwear on inside out. Yeah, not really gonna change that around at the office.I had to create my own parking space because all of the regular ones are filled up. So I parked next to the mailboxes in the grass. I tried to pull far enough ahead so the grumpy mailman can stay on his ass and not have to get out of his truck when he fills the boxes. I'm interested to see what else is going to happen today...

Golden side of the coin – I had an incredibly lazy weekend with no golf, I went to a book sale on Saturday (2 finds for me, 2 for my brother, and 1 for my mom), Sunday was a “dirty” day (where I stayed in my PJs for the entire day and read and napped and watched the cats), I paid my car insurance bill before work today, and I got to read several new entries on my favorite blogs.

Other side of the coin, I have to mow my lawn tonight after my 4:30 appointment. Ah well, the price you pay for procrastination and laziness.

The picture is for random giggles. I think it kind of sums up my day!

Again, A Full Frontal Friday

Welcome to what appears to have become a new tradition in my life... Full Frontal Friday! My three furry kids have shared "bellyful" views of themselves so I am passing them on to you. Not to mention I flashed myself in the bathroom mirror as I leapt out of the shower buck naked to see what the crash in the dining room was...

This is Hobbes, the eldest male, coping by getting high on catnip.

This is Doodle, the middle diva girl cat, she likes to be a belly slut and roll around on her back.

This is Moomin, the new wildman male kitten, joined the club the beginning of June. God is he busy!

Cat bios will be forthcoming...

Enjoy your Full Frontal Friday!

Project Runway in a Nutshell

Here’s my brief recap of last night’s Project Runway…

Keith + Bradley = The pairing did not stand out except for Keith's inappropriate boobie touching and leg leering, nor did their dress. “In”

Jeffery (aka “The Neck”) + Alison = Ditto for their grouping and dress. “In”

Laura – “I’m an architect that’s why my design looks like a plan”
+
Michael – Laura picked him becoz “he’d push me out of my safety zone”
= Strangely subdued dress for the both of them and they were really close to the color white that Miss America said not to give her.

Uli – Nice leadership, must be her German upbringing.
+
Bonnie – Happy to be riding the skirt lengths of someone who has a clue.
= modern quite pretty dress, I liked the flowiness of it.

Kayne and Robert: Pageant man (gay) + Barbie man (gay) = how could they lose?

Malan – Unfinished satin bottom topped with a turd-colored mess, at least he stepped up and took responsibility for it
+
Katherine – She worked well as a team player, but put her foot down politely and drew the line at defending the dress, and even gave Malan a hug.
= he was deemed "out".

And now… Welcome to Design Preschool!

Vincent: MY design! MY dress! Don’t touch it, it’s mine!
Angela: Tick Tock!
Vincent: Get off my back! [later in studio] Back up!
Angela: You back up!
Vincent: Stop with the negativity! Don’t touch! Stop breathing my air!
Angela: Well [sticks out tongue] I think it’s ugly, you’re ugly! [walks off]
Vincent: Angela? Angela? Angela? [looks befuddled]
Angela: 12:30!
Vincent: 12:15!
Mr. Tim: Why can’t the both of you just “make it work”?
Judges: Obviously there was no team work.
Miss America: The dress with different sleeves would be classical looking.
Sam the viewer: Oh YUCK! [tremendous sigh while shaking head]

Time for a Little Reality TeleVENTing

I have been watching Rockstar Supernova. Not in it’s entirety. I generally watch the beginning of the performances and if they are good I will finish watching them, but if they suck I have to change the channel. I have no patience for poor performances and there is usually something else on to switch to for a short time.

My favorite is Dilana. I listen to heavy metal (not speed, death, mega, or dissonant metal) and her voice kicks ass because it matches the “dirty” musical sound Tommy Lee wants. All the others are not gritty enough and their vocals are *bad* or too clean.

Yesterday, I thought (and this is only MY opinion, I am not a musical genius by any means but I know what sounds good) everyone’s performance, vocals, and song choices SUCKED. Yes, even Dilana. Cranberries? Come on!!! The singer and songs for the Cranberries are incredibly annoying already, but with Dilana’s voice – so mismatched I had to change the channel on her. And the band’s positive comments? Were they really listening to these people yesterday? I winced at all of the performances and was constantly having to channel surf.

The men on this show are truly pathetic. I don’t see any of them as a heavy metal singer. Now, Type O Negative’s Peter Steele – that’s a lead singer. Nine Inch Nails’ Trent Reznor – that’s a lead singer. Ugly Kid Joe, Warrant (Uncle Tom’s Cabin – song rocks), David Coverdale, Rob Zombie, Lita Ford, Ozzy, Sebastian Bach, Led Zeppelin, Tom Petty, Steven Tyler, Kid Rock, - there is more, I just can’t think of them all right now - these are all examples of original sounding voices that are “heavy”. None of the men on Rockstar are “heavy”, none. They don’t have that rawness that raises goosebumps and they can’t move around a stage to save their lives.

The girls aren’t much better, but Storm and Dilana stand out. My mom said Tommy and the band have already said they weren’t going to pick a girl. Too bad, coz all the men stink. And most of the women...

(A little wintery Calvin and Hobbes humor to relieve the hot weather...)

Quiltantics Lady Rocks!!!

I had trouble with adding links to my sidebar and Quiltantics had them on her template. I emailed her and she was able to totally help me in a major way!!! Check out my links - "Other Blogs of Interest" - on my sidebar. Yeah!!! Now I can help my mom (I think).

How To Aura Flick

Someone posted a comment saying I hadn't actually let people in on how to flick someone's aura. Sorry about that. Here are the directions and it's actually quite simple.

1) Experience road rage.

2) Determine if it is minimal (one flick), moderate (2 flicks), or severe (3 and up flicks).

3) Direct feelings towards person responsible for said road rage as you simultaneously flick (like Monica and Rachel did to each other in that "Friends" Jean Claude Van Damme episode or as my dad asked- "like you're flicking a booger?" Me: "yes, like that"). Using your thumb and middle finger, put your middle finger nail behind your thumb pad and then straighten your middle finger. The action would 'clean' your thumb tip off and send the negative energy in the direction of the person that caused you road rage.

4) Occasionally I will accompany flicking with comments like "Take that!", "What comes around goes around!", "No blessings for you!" or assorted swearing (I'm partial to the "f" word) muttered under my breath.

5) You need to make sure that directing the feelings is at the same time as the flick and the flick is directed to the right person.

6) Sometimes it will have immediate consequences for the person (like watching them get all the red lights, being cut off themselves, or stuck behind the Sunday driver type) and sometimes you just have to put your trust in that it is going to happen at some point during their day.

7) And finally, I do not recommend anything bigger than a flick because, really, one should just "let go and turn the other cheek and forgive others and not be so freaking angry all the time because it is not healthy for you and do unto others as you would have done unto you". Yes, that's great and all, nice ideal, but I am human and am not trying for sainthood. I have my foibles so I flick. Keeping it to a flick prevents a Kharmic boomerang from knocking me on my ass because I sent someone's negative energy back to them in a harmful way. I figure the flick is like a mosquito bite (without the West Nile Virus), browntail moth rash, diaper rash, chafing, constipation or the opposite, or the like - uncomfortable but not dangerous to the person.

So remember, keep it to a flick and direct it to the person who pissed you off.

Low Tech but High Maintenance

I am High Maintenance, meaning I like my salad dressing “on the side”, I’m a picky eater/shopper/movie watcher, I have high standards (in all things/people), I like to do things my way, I like things to be a certain way, I am never satisfied with my shortcomings in the things I create or do, I bring my small feather pillow on trips with me, I know what I don’t like or want, I’m strong-willed (read: stubborn), I’m still searching for the perfect pasta dish and purse, I don’t like to be like everyone else, and I don’t willingly compromise.

I am Low Tech, meaning I have no cell phone, no “hands free” phone extras, no laptop, no iPod, no videogame paraphernalia, no Universal remote, no air conditioning/CD player in my car, no PalmPilot, no Blackberry, no GPS system, no digital camera, no camera of any kind, no TiVo, no laser printer for my computer, no fax, no photocopier (color or otherwise), no multi-tasking answering machine, no Caller ID, no Broadband/Roadrunner/Digital cable, no WonderBra, no alarm clock, no convection oven, and no micro-chipped pets. I do have a dryer from the 70’s, CD/radio/tape player, VCR (with remote), DVD player (with remote), TV with cable and remote, Dell computer (several years old at this time), upright vacuum cleaner (still uses bags), microwave, Cusinart (new, got last Christmas), toaster oven, tiny dishwasher, tiny oven/stove, tiny refrigerator, dehumidifier, disposable cameras as needed, portable CD player, did have a motion sensor outdoor light but now it’s broken, hairdryer with ion-something or other, air conditioner, and several fans.

I have always been low tech. My brother is the opposite, he’s extremely high tech (has everything) and low maintenance (minimalist with everything else). I have him to thank for most of my newer gadgets and my parents for the older ones. When I first started living on my own, they let me have their old TV, the one where you had to get up and change the channel. I burned out the color tube in that one and got their second old TV. That one you also had to get up and change the channel but by that time I had cable so the cable box had a remote. My VCR was the one we’d had when I was in high school – in the late 80’s. It was a JVC top-loading VCR with its “remote” on an extremely long cord. It lasted up until 2002 when it stopped rewinding (so I got a rewind machine) and then playing altogether. I used my security deposit from my apartment to buy a new TV and my brother gave me a VCR and DVD player for Christmas. I also got my microwave at that time. I did have a short stint with a cell phone because my parents had a family plan. I only used it in emergencies or on the rare long car ride. Because I never used it, Dad finally took it away from me. Why pay for something you’re not using?

I have visited all the cell phone places in my town (they are like mushrooms, popping up after a hard rain). Apparently I’m High Maintenance because I want a Low Maintenance cell phone plan – use for emergencies, only buy minutes when I need them, no minutes that just keep collecting month by month (I would never use them up and end up with an outrageous amount), and with no extra frills on the phone itself. That plan doesn’t exist and will never exist. The phone guy said people like me fall through the cracks.

So I’m in a crack without a cell phone and liking it just fine.

Aura Flicking

As I promised, here is the post about flicking auras. Bear with me, I will get to it…

In my extremely late teens and early twenties, I did not drive. And I did not have a car. Why? Because I did not know how to drive. I had a permit, actually several permits, after I graduated from college, but I never followed through and actually took the time to learn the rudiments of physically driving a car. I had the written part down pat, but something, I think it was mostly my deviant mind, held me back from taking the final step. It didn’t help that I did not have the “typical American High School experience” where learning to drive and having friends who were already driving was a big thing. I was in Germany for my entire high school experience and Germans are not allowed to drive until they are 17 or 18 and they take a 3 month course. So it wouldn’t have mattered anyway as I graduated when I was 17 and spoke just barely functional German (you know, “where’s the bathroom, speak slowly, how much is this, and I don’t understand”). Once back in the good Ole USofA, I jumped straight into college in rural Ohio where there was always someone going my way or where I wanted to go was within walking/biking distance. Then over the summers, I worked at an all-summer GirlScout camp – no driving there! Once college was over, I followed my parents when they moved to Maine. Again, someone was always going my way and I found a job that was within biking distance (God was I fit in those days). It was nice not having to be the designated driver EVER! But the tarnished side of that coin was I had to be careful of who was driving.

I practiced some with my father, but didn’t practice long or seriously until my brother moved out to California and left the car my parents had been letting him use. I had my bestest friend, J, help me out a bit, Dad helped me over-practice parallel parking (I hit the broom pedestrian in the cone quite a few times), and I went to take the test. I was 23 years old.

J took me to the driving test. There was a young girl in front of me. We watched her out the window go through all the preliminaries (lights, washers, horn, directionals, etc) and then drive slowly to the parallel parking part. J told me that they do the parallel parking first because if you can’t do it, it saves time. Holding my paperwork in my sweaty hand, I watched the girl start parking. BUMP, she hit the back car, BUMP, she hit the front car, DONE, she drove back to the parking space she’d just left and came in the building in tears. I’m in a state of utter panic at this point. J is trying her best to calm me down. My turn… preliminaries and then… a perfect parallel parking job! I had my Dad’s voice in my head the whole time telling me how far to go up next to the front car (middle of window), when to wrench the car in, and to pull forward. I do not really remember the rest of the test, just the hill emergency brake part. J told me later she had been jumping up and down and “Woohooing” like a crazy person when she saw I’d passed the parallel part. So, I got my license (good luck) and drove in a snow storm the next night (humbling event). Talk about Murphy’s Law…

So, as a preschool teacher with a new license, being an new driver and all, and living in a small town where I would be known to most of the population due to teaching their kids or teaching their friends’ kids, I wasn’t in any position or had any right to have road rage. But now having hit my mid-thirties, I am no longer a newbie behind the steering wheel and I have a car that I become one with when I sit in it, so I am entitled to a little justified road rage now and then. And I continued/continue to have a job that involves working with children, sometimes transporting them. I couldn’t and can’t flip anyone off. It wasn’t/isn’t professional and I might offend an important person, not to mention tarnish my community role model reputation... Hah! So I had to think of another way to deal with my road rage. Reading about FengShui gave me an idea. You can use a mirror to send negative energy back to the source (my mother did this and I will have to share this story later). Now, you can also hit the person who is irritating you to cause them pain. My busy brain put the two together and came up with giving people’s auras a flick. I decided on a flick and not a slap because it is small enough to (hopefully) cause a little Kharmic bitchpinch to happen, but not big enough to kill them or cause permanent damage – that would boomerang back on me in a huge Kharmic bitchpunch. So now when someone irritates the crap out of me: in a minimal way=one aura flick, in a moderate way=two aura flicks, and in a major way=three and up. I find it highly satisfying. My road rage goes away quickly knowing that at some point during the irritant’s day they are a) going to spill their drink at an inconvenient time or place, b) they are going to get something not so nice in the mail, c) their computer will crash, d) their cell phone will drop an important call and not work for most of the day, e) their pet will destroy something or yarf/poop somewhere unpleasant and difficult to clean, and f) you get the picture. So nice and road rage is gone.

On the flip side, if I see people braking for animals, letting someone through, letting me through, driving with a brain, or just generally being super, I wiggle my fingers and send those people blessings so they will have one kick-ass awesome day.

So folks, be careful, you may get flicked if you aren’t a good doobie!

Crazy Aunt Purl Was Right

Excerpt from Crazy Aunt Purl’s July Hor-O-Scopes…

“LEO(July23-August22)

The planets have aligned for you in such a way that July will be an excellent personal shopping month, should you choose to exercise that credit card. Your talent for bargain-hunting has been heightened by a lovely full moon mid-month, ripe for half-off sales and hidden handbag gems. Or power tools, because for some reason there may be power tools in your month. I do not know! Either way, you will have the strength to fend off buyer's remorse, the fortuitous happy moment of avoiding a poor impulse buy, and the good luck to shop without fear because somehow you have money in your moon. Take advantage of it, but for God's sake -- avoid pleather! Your planets do not look good seated on pleather, especially Uranus (sorry! could not resist!)”

Could she be any righter? Aunt Purl was spot-on with her Leo horoscope as far as I (one of the utmost Leo-y Leos) am concerned! I went shopping to find small inexpensive birthday gifts for two July b-day co-workers, but ended up finding things, fabulous things, for myself! A be-jewelled picture frame on Clearance, two “so ugly they’re funky” Clearance pairs of shoes (and totally frivolous, I might add, I cannot wear them when the weather forecasts rain), 2 under $20 denim long skirts, and a shadow box with hinged glass lid for under $20. Not to mention the book finds at the bookstore. I took everything home and just gloated over my new treasures. I did not find anything for the co-workers. Oh well.

But being a Murphy’s Law kinda girl, my luck is always tempered by humbling events. The better the luck, the more humbling the events. I was majorly humbled this morning. I wear contacts and I must have still been gloating, because I spaced and missed all the signs that I was in for a painful surprise. I put my just-rinsed contact lens in my eye and experienced immediate burning pain on the surface of my eyeball. I popped the contact lens off and did a prolonged eye wash with cold water. I seriously thought I’d done some major damage, but once I could see again, I saw the RED top of the disinfectant bottle and the print that says “Do Not Put in Eye!” I also ignored the sign of bubbles appearing on my lens, I brushed it off (prior to placing the lens in my eye) as leftover bubbles from neutralized solution. Yeah right. Being the thorough person I am (read: moderately OCD), I probably over-rinsed my eye and the lens. Once things were back on track, I put both lenses in and admired my normal eye and fire-engine-red eye in the mirror and went to go get dressed.

The next two humbling events were: 1) getting caught behind a red Toyota sports car with the top down and a BabyBoomer consistently driving 10 miles under the speed limit. I flicked her aura several times and I’m hoping it has a fast turn-around. 2) I spend a large amount of time trying to figure out how to create a Links section in my side-bar. I have come to the realization that either a) I picked a nimrod template and it won’t accept my changes or b) I don’t know what the hell I am doing because I am, after all, computerly challenged.

Flicking auras will be discussed at a later post…

For Aunt Purl and giggling, go to www.crazyauntpurl.com

Having a Dairy Kinda Moment

I admit it, I'm a dairy girl. Gimmee cheese, ice-cream, butter, cottage cheese, sour cream, etc, and anything made with these items and I am one happy person. I LOVE DAIRY PRODUCTS! I have since I was a little girl. My brother, on the other hand, was lactose-intolerant. Don't know if he still is...

Here are two quick and fun ways to get a dairy fix. I did both of these with my 4-year-old classes when I was a preschool teacher. (Paid to have fun, you bet I took advantage of it!!)

Making Quick and Easy Ice Cream

Ingredients for 2 servings:

½ cup of milk (white, chocolate, strawberry)
1 Tablespoon sugar
¼ teaspoon vanilla

Non-edible ingredients:

Ice
Rock salt

Directions:

1) Place all ingredients into a pint sized Freezer baggie and seal.
2) In a gallon size Freezer baggie, fill ½ way with ice and add 6 Tablespoons of rock salt on top of ice.
3) Place pint sized baggie inside gallon sized baggie and SEAL TIGHT!
4) Shake the bags.
5) It will become a solid in about 4 minutes.

Making Quick and Easy Butter

Ingredients:

Cold heavy cream

Non-edible ingredients:

Baby food jar

Lots of energy

Directions:

1) Pour heavy cream into baby food jar, leaving about an inch to half an inch of space at the top.

2) Tighten lid and shake well, and I mean WELL.

3) Eventually the shaking repeatedly of the heavy cream will cause it to start getting thick.

4) You are almost there! Keep shaking.

5) Once there is a big ball in the jar amidst a white thin liquid you can stop - you have BUTTAH!

6) Put on toast or whatever and totally enjoy it!

PS: Use preschoolers for energy factor if you have them. You may need to rein in the attentional factor!

Full Frontal Friday

I know for a fact this is not in my job description. My supervisor just came back from a client’s home. She said she’d been treated to a “Full Frontal Friday” by her client. Granted going buck-naked and swingin’ free, especially in hot weather, would be many people’s choice, but come on… When you are expecting company, professional level company no less, clients should make sure parts are decently covered. And if they are unable to manage this, the parents should manage it for them. I have been to several meetings where bottom clothing was optional for the client.

This reminds me of a time in my wild and crazy past. My friends and I went downtown (read: 45 minute drive from where we lived) one Friday night and whooped it up at this bar we frequented that typically had live music of the cover-band sort. We had our usual rowdy time and afterwards converged at the local pizza joint that stayed open after the bars closed (read: major drunks will pay much money to satisfy the munchies). We got our slices of pizza, poured the Parmesan cheese on them, and took our ice-water, napkins, and pizza outside. We usually sat on the window ledge of a shop next door and watched the show. On a typical night we’d see several fights where participants were hustled away in a paddy wagon, break-ups, hook-ups, people getting sick, and even the occasional drug exchange. Anyhoo, we were sitting finishing up our slices when this guy comes up and starts chatting. Nothing wrong with that. He drifts back to his group. Next thing we know, he leaps back in front of us (read: specifically me as I was in the middle) and drops his pants. Well, the cops jumped in so fast we did not get much of a look. As they pantsed him back up, one cop asked us if we wanted to press charges. I replied that what we saw didn’t merit pressing charges. The cops and surrounding people laughed. The pants-dropping guy wasn’t amused. But hey, if you are going to indiscriminately show your equipment, you’d better be prepared for constructive criticism.

To those of you who are in a healthy and happy relationship or just beginning one, I wish you a “Full Frontal Friday”!

An Article That Supports My Reading Addiction... I mean Habit

The article is called "What Effect Reading Has On Our Minds" by Martha Brockenbrough. I found it on MSN's website under the Encarta section.

She stated research states that reading makes you smarter and the more reading you do, the better. She quotes from a paper called "What Reading Does for the Mind" by Anne E. Cunningham. Reading: 1) increases vocabulary more than talking or direct teaching, 2) substantially boosts general knowledge while decreasing the likelihood that misinformation will be absorbed, and 3) helps keep our memory and reasoning abilities intact as we age.

Researchers believe that reading "pours more words into your brain than conversation and television." Hmmmm. Let's discuss this for a minute or two. So having an indepth conversation with a friend, spouse, relative, or stranger you just met in a bar doesn't improve your word know-how? I mean, like, you know, like, this is totally a like, surprise, like I thought hangin' with your friends, dissin' other people, swearing every other word, and watching reality TV was, like, um, edumacational? I am so being sarcastic here. Movies and TV shows have some of the lamest dialogue. Even the sitcom comedy has reduced itself to a pull-my-finger humor level (an aside, what is with the recent skinny attractive wife and fat troll-like husband pairings). Granted, there are intelligent shows out there (Grey's Anatomy being one of them), but they are few and far between. I sat in a restaurant once and listened in (yes, I occasionally eavesdrop) to a conversation, if I can call it one, in the booth behind me. Between all the likes, you knows, and made up abbreviated words, the substance was practically nothing. I'm not advocating we all become converstional Einsteins, but cutting out the redundant crap would increase the quality of some conversations.

Another point the article made was that when we talk, we use a "small set of frequently occurring words" averaging about 400. Children's books have an average frequency of 627 words. Meaning... "the language in a children's book is likely to be more sophisticated than your average conversation." The recent restaurant conversation probably averaged a 10 word set.

It was found, the more TV people watched, the more general information questions they got wrong, but the more reading they did, the more they got right. "General intellectual ability didn't matter here -- the amount of reading vs. television did."

Results "have pointed toward the notion that reading a lot can compensate for the wear and tear time can put on a mind." Great news... my addition, I mean habit, means that I may fend off the debilitations of Alzheimer's or senile dementia. Good thing too, my genetic make-up doesn't look too positive. So I will read read read!

The paper also stated that if a child takes to reading early on and has a positive attitude about it, they will most likely be a reader when they are adults. Good to know, I shared that tidbit with my pregnant co-workers!

So in summary... Reading is good for you thus, my 12 bookshelves of books is not overboard and I do not have an unseemly addiction, I mean habit, to reading. YUM!

Talk About Hot and Sweaty...

Okay, this weekend was beyond uncomfortable! Everything I had to do this weekend, fun and required, involved sweating my ass off.

First off, I had my friend J and her daughter come over so we could go to a library book sale in the neighboring town. My car doesn't have air conditioning, so I drove with all the windows down. Her poor daughter was in the back seat a-blowing with the wind. We get there early to get a good parking space, but that means roaming the town prior to the sale. That was okay, as we had an impromptu 2nd breakfast in the shady breezy gazebo by the library. She had coffee and cookies, the daughter and I shared a ginormous brownie. Then it's time to wait in front of the white, highly reflective, church where the sale is going to be. After a sweaty 20 minute wait in the straight sun, we are allowed to go in and it's baking in there. Take tons of people, hot humid weather, no cross-breeze or fans, and books galore on top and under tables, mix well, and you have a sticky irritable beverage called a Sam. I did manage to find a few good finds, but boy was it hot!!!

After dropping J and her daughter off at their car, I spend 20 minutes trying to find the person who parked on my lawn, because I'm polite enough to want to tell them to move so I can mow my lawn and NOT scratch their car. I couldn't find them.None of my immediate neighbors had company so the people were probably using the college trails for walking and decided to use my lawn as a parking spot. I fired up the lawn-mower and proceeded to mow around their car, making for damn sure the blower was aimed at their car so it would get a bit grassy. Maybe they will take the hint next time they visit. God, was it good to be finished with that chore.

Sunday morning it was raining when I got up and I thought I was saved. J is on this golfing kick and she wanted to go Sunday. I called her up to see if we were still going. She stated if it stopped raining before 3:00pm, she was going golfing and so was I. Enough of being a hermit. Sure enough, the rain stops around 10:00am and she calls me at quarter of 12. We're going. I called my dad up to see if he wanted to go. He said Mom gave him permission to go. We get out there. Hot hazy and humid. Thank god for the strong wind. Most of the golf course was boggy. I made a wedge shot and covered myself with water the color of baby poop. Sweaty and covered in nasty water. Great, just my idea of a good time. Not to mention the bugs. I had on bug repellent but the deer flies were not buying into it. At the 4th hole, my dad over-sprayed me with his bug stuff and so now I was sweaty, covered in nasty water, and drenched in Off! The company was great, but physically it was not a treat. By any means. I think I'd like to play golf in the winter. On a snowy course, with gaily colored golf balls, bright flags, and kick-ass snow-golf gear on. I could get into that.

I had 4 showers this weekend. Uggh!

Thank god for air conditioners, fans, ice-water, and Aleve.