Turning the Pilates Page

I had my first individual session of Pilates today.

It was both a very positive and a negative experience.

Positive in that I decided on and followed through with a plan towards a much needed change to help me physically and mentally.

Negative in that today I objectively saw "me", saw what I've been avoiding seeing and acknowledging basically since last August, saw how much I've let things get out of whack, and saw how far I've got to climb. I know, this in of itself is not a negative, but the way it made me feel was negative.

UGH, and upwards has been my motto for today.

I think this is something I can "own".

The only reason I ran was to get in shape for soccer. I loathe the actual act of running - I like the feeling after I run. Can't run now even if I wanted to due to bone spurs on my heels. I did Karate with my dad - I liked the exercises, break falls, rolls, etc but had a very difficult time with the kadas (learning the forms was stressful and took forever, my physical motor memory sucks) and the "community service" that was starting to be asked of us was just not on my 20-something agenda. I rode my bike for years to and from work, not so much for enjoyment but because I didn't know how to drive/didn't have a license. I danced 4 nights/week which was awesome and I miss doing that but those days are over. I use a non-motorized lawn mower, I shovel the old fashioned way, I rake and compost all my leaves, and I can weed for 4 hours straight - preferred activities? No way! but they all have to be done coz I'm a grown-up homeowner and need to get to work, not to mention I don't need anymore crazy attached to my neighborhood rep than it already has.

So, it's been one year since my double surgery and things have disturbingly redistributed and the lack of muscle tone/flexibility is discouraging and disheartening...

I've given things a lot of thought once I stopped avoiding it, and did some research, landed on Pilates and while today was super physically awkward, it was "strengthening". I've made a step forward, found out there is some muscle hiding out under the layers of bodily Jell-O, and was aware of my core all day today so that when I adjusted accordingly and used my abs, my back stopped hurting. That's a good thing, a positive thing, to know that I've been overusing and relying on my back muscles instead of my abs and now I can feel how to use them instead of my back. I scooped litter at PetCo and concentrated on using my abs instead of my back and what a difference. I sort of bounced my way back out to my car.

So yes, the positive far outweighs the negative, but I needed the negative to see the positive and will need to keep what I've learned in mind as I continue because it's so easy to let the negative suck me down.

Til next time, with my abs "doing the scoop in" towards my back...