Okay, those of you who know me know I am not a fan of technology. I own no gadgets, no cell phone, no flat screen TV, no smart phone, no iPod, no MP3 player, no video games, no TiVo, no DVR, no satellite, no Dish, no SmartMeter, no tablet, no other fancy schmancy techno shit. I do have a digital camera (very outdated at this point), an iMac, and a Honda with beeping key. That's the extent of it, just a toe in the 21st century and I'm fine with that.
But today in Goodwill was the first time EVER that I have truly felt the lack as I really Really REALLY wanted to use a camera phone!!
You go to Goodwill for the bargain hunting.
The man I observed in the book section today apparently didn't receive the correct memo, he got the good wood hunting one instead. Or he got the bargain hunting memo and chose to interpret it as Goodwill was the place to pick up women for a bargain.
I seriously have retina burn from what he was wearing! Not to mention I threw up in my mental mouth a little.
And this is why I SO needed a camera phone so I could have covertly taken a pic of him because there is no way in hell I am going to be able to accurately describe what I saw that is going to sear your retinas.
So you will just have to imagine a big athletic guy (think no fat, tall, muscles but not in a Hulk way nor was he lithe) in a baseball hat wearing a short sweatshirt that ended at the waist and then something I have never seen on a man in a public community locale although I have seen similar clothing (if we can even call it that) on runners/bikers/swimmers and mostly on women at locations where one is engaging in a sport that does not involve the potential to hump another person.
He had on black Spandex leggings but they were so tight and so thin (opaque) that it was literally like he had on a coat of shiny black enamel paint from his waist (high) to his socks.
And ladies, what to men have that we don't have? Which becomes so VERY obvious when one wears a layer of shiny black enamel paint from the waist down?
Packaging.
And all I can say is...
- - he wasn't keeping anything back
- - his "soul" (if you will) was laid bare
- - the detailing was all there for the world to see
- - what you saw is what you'd get
- - Mr. DeMille, he's ready for his close-up
- - Lucy, he's home
- - rock climbers could have rested on it
- - he brings Donkey Kong to real life
- - villagers, lock up your women-folk and cattle
- - he'll be blinding someone with "science"
- - he's going to have some serious issues with his sperm count
- - and finally, the early '90s called to say they want their Spandex back as Madonna doesn't shoot those questionable Justify My Love videos anymore.
Please don't get me wrong, I did NOT stare, nor did I do a double take. I saw him out of the corner of my eye, couldn't believe what I saw so I tossed my hair out of my eyes, naturally got a better although brief look, and when I looked away the image was burnt into my brain. I continued to look at the books while he postured around the book section - I think he was trying to make me look again - and took himself to the bathroom, came out, checked to see if I would look that time which I did not (I had my contacts in so good peripheral vision, not to mention he had my ICK radar pinging like mad), spent a brief time in the book section, and then I have no clue where he went after that.
Damn, this post would have been "made" with a shot of him. But I will direct you to the People of Wal-Mart website so you can experience vicarious retina burn...
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