Proof That My Cats Love Me

Here is the undisputed physical proof that my cats love me and want me to know. And what better way to communicate this to me than using a medium that they have to use every day and that I have to scoop every day. 

I get one or two of these every month!

Neighbor TV

I don't know about you, but I have access to a free channel that is sometimes way more interesting than regular TV or cable. It's called Neighbor TV. It comes with some caveats, the main one being you really shouldn't be caught watching it by the lead characters and the other is that you are likely on someone else's Neighbor TV.

Now I don't have a house directly across from me which is an advantage but I can watch the two kitty corner across the street. The male leads are just plain weird and have no common sense. The jury is still out on the women who married them. Don't get me wrong, as far a neighbors go, they are nice but they do make me go hmmmm a lot.

Channel One consists of a mom, dad, and two teenaged kids. They do a LOT of things together - they are always going on walks as a family, eating out on the porch, and driving off to places at all sorts of times. They usually are one of the last ones to mow, the father did it until the girl was old enough and then when she went away somewhere (college?), the boy took over and he's clearly not interested. They tend to wait about 2-3 weeks between mowing. Their poor dog, he ends up spending his time lying on the pine needle sections they never bother raking up. And I'm not sure why they got a dog, they really don't seem to pay any real attention to him until he barks to let them know someone is running or biking down the street when they yell his name/clap and put him back inside. They also don't really shovel their snow despite getting a snow blower, the bottom of their driveway is always a mess in the winter. The dad did let me borrow their roof snow rake indefinitely as he got it but didn't ever use it and noticed me (see what I mean about being on their Neighbor TV?) up on my ladder. One day he came over and asked if I had a circular saw, he was making repairs to the front porch. Now I'm no carpenter but I really could not figure out what the hell he was doing.

(An aside: Speaking of raking, I was watching them do this with leaves one recent afternoon and while it was amusing to watch their rather uncoordinated efforts with no real methodical whole yard plan, I did get a good idea from them. Typically I rake my leaves into piles and rake them onto a tarp/drag to the compost or let them sit for a week or two to have the frost break them down/stick them together/put them in the wheelbarrow - both methods = many trips. This year I borrowed a leaf (pun intended) from them and after raking them into piles, I shoved the leaves (using my awesome rake hands my mom got me one year) into my outdoor garbage can, smooshed them down by stepping in the can to maximize amount of leafage, and dumped them into my compost. Worked great!)

Channel Two consists of a mom, dad, one bio-child, and one adopted son who is now an adult and only comes home on vacations and never mowed or did chores around the house. I have been watching the bio-child since he was a toddler and he just gets stranger and stranger, apparently he still has doozies of tantrums. While the Channel One kids played outside/do chores and the teenager still does some stuff outside with his friends, bio-child is NEVER outdoors and when he is, he's clearly got some issues and he never does any chores outside. One day his outside activity consisted of walking fast around their car and pressing his face on on every window several times. The mom seems normal - she does yard work, she walks the dog, she has people over, and she always waves to me when we see each other on the street. The dad, now he's a different story. He never really completes anything. Some days he will "clean" or "rearrange" the garage which consists of removing everything, standing outside of it staring into the garage, hitching his pants up constantly in between fixing his hat or tweaking his shirt - almost OCD or tic-like while moving one thing at a time back into the garage and no matter how many times he does this there is never any room in the garage for their vehicle. He will wait several weeks to mow too and then do it in parts or leave off in the middle and pick it back up later. He makes big fires in his charcoal grill which is REALLY close to the house, seriously I have seen the paint peeling off the porch when he left it unattended and it was very windy. They have one car and they are constantly leaving home, coming back, leaving home, coming back ad nauseam.

I have seen several "aww" moments between the parents (each set at a different time), it was nice to see the affection between them altho I just don't get it! 

Oh, and just so we're clear, I don't watch them ALL the time, just when I'm taking a break during reading, watching real TV, or just emptying my brain from the day. But I have lived here almost 12-13 yrs and it's hard not to see alot in that many years.

Causing a Crow Fight

I had some bread that I was just not going to finish so I decided to throw it out in the yard and let the critters enjoy some unexpected abundance. Oh, and some stale popcorn too.

I threw it out when I got home and then forgot about it until I heard a ruckus outside which Hobbes and Doodle were very interested in.

I looked out my bedroom window and some big-ass crows were fighting over the bread! And when I say fighting, I mean fighting - there was sneak attacks, stealing, low-flying buzzing each other, grabbing, and yelling over the bread.

Once the bread was gone, one crow methodically jammed popcorn in his beak one pop at a time until he couldn't hold anymore, then he'd (or she'd) fly off and in 5-7 minutes swoop back to pick up more. He/she did this about 5x, cleaned up all the popcorn except for a few random ones which were gone when I woke up. Watching that crow was too funny.

Good to know.

DIY Project

I spend my time, when not reading or contemplating my navel, on ways to try to help keep my heating costs down. 

• I already keep the house temp during the winter at a crisp 57degrees with the occasional 60degrees when I really can't stand how cold it is when I get out of the shower but then back down it goes once I'm dressed.
• I've made dowel rod frames covered in bubble wrap as added insulation for the upper parts of my windows - idea I saw on a home show - which helps.
• I cover the outside doors with curtains and the French doors to the deck have lined curtains.
• I divide my home between two zones: the back of the house is the cool zone where the bedrooms are and the front of the house is the warm zone, this is done by putting lined curtains up between the two in the doorframe.
• I have every available afghan/blanket I'm not using rolled up and placed along the bottoms of my windows.
• I wear about 3 layers on top (thermal/sweatshirt/wool sweater or fleece) and two layers on bottom (thermals/flannel pants) and big heavy wool socks.

So I'd been kicking around ideas for the basement and a closet upstairs and today was the day to do them!

I went to HomeDepot earlier in the week and got a LOT of insulation, thickest for the basement idea and thinnest for the closet idea.

Measured and cut the thin insulation and stapled it up on the living room closet walls that are on the outer corner of the house because I noticed that closet gets really cold in the winter and the cold air wooshes its way into the living room and the couch is right there. We'll see if it works. Not sure I'm all that happy with it right now because the insulations smells and makes my living room kinda stinky but I have to keep the door open because the cats potty in there, and no it's not stinky because of them, it's definitely the insulation.

Next up I proceeded to cover myself thoroughly (long pants/long sleeves/hat) and tied a dish towel around my nose/mouth so I could cut the thickest insulation into 6inch wide strips  - and boy was that some fun with a carpet cutter, that shit puffs the hell up as soon as you unroll it and cut into the first layer! I methodically worked my way around the entire basement and filled in every section between the house flooring above and the foundation. Took about 2 to 3 hours. And I could not wait to get in the shower! 

Here's hoping it makes a positive difference!

Going Way Outside My Comfort Zone

Halloween, my favorite holiday!

When my bestest friend J still lived in Maine, we had a blast every Halloween - planning on our costumes, trickORtreating, decorating the house/daycare classrooms, and parties. Oh snap we had fun! 

Then she moved and I went into hermit-mode so I just did Halloween vicariously by watching scary stuff all month, planning out my trickORtreats, and giving out treats the day of.

Then I met my friend L and for the past several years, she's invited me to join her and her circle of friends' Halloween celebrations which has been great! I got to dress up/go to adult parties once again and have a blast with some seriously funny people. One year one of the friends was "hosting" a German bunch of people and they joined right in with the festivities.

This year tho, my friend L was on the fence about celebrating and her circle of friends were all doing separate things, one of which was a pirate-themed party/live band at a local pub. I told L I would go if she did but I was NOT going as a pirate as I already had my costume, really wanted to wear it and wasn't changing. She told me I HAD to be a pirate. I said I did not as my costume was colorful and pirates are colorful and who gives a flyin' F what I wear because it was going to be crowded and everyone would be drunk anyway. She insisted on the pirate costume and ultimately decided against going because 1) she couldn't find or afford a costume and 2) didn't feel like going out. So that meant I wasn't going out because I wasn't going to a pub by myself.

I "vented" about this at work and one of my younger co-workers said "come meet me in Portland at my radio station's big-ass Halloween party!"

Okay - this is so outside my comfort zone- 1) not familiar with where it was and I don't do unfamiliar very well, 2) lots of younger peeps and it's been a VERY long time since I've been out like that, and 3) my co-worker is super pretty and social which are areas I struggle in. But I decided to do it - change my life energy and step outside the Slambo-x and just. do. it. So I did.

I followed my directions, got there on time, parked in the parking garage as trying to find a spot on unfamiliar roads (which meant circling around) was so not happening, met my co-worker A and her friend, got my hand stamped, and swirled right into the beginnings of a party. We had drinks and about an hour later peeps started showing up and man, were there some wild costumes - everything from a Vegas showgirl with massive peacock feathered headdress/tail and rhinestones, all sorts of Disney characters, a Tron made out of cardboard who lit up, a Michael Phelps in only a Speedo and goggles (mmm), a plethora of Zombies (running the gamut to just-thrown-together to movie-worthy), a Hawaiian hula girl under a plastic cover with a hole at the top where she got her drinks delivered to her by her friends, lots of wenches and sluts, a pair of scissors, vampires and werewolves, and a mixed bag for the rest.

I was Japanese anime-like character. I had pounds of blonde fake hair with rainbow colored extensions, rainbow arm-warmers, rainbow leg-warmers, black tutu, major black high heels, and a black top with major cleavage and a rainbow choker. Oh, and fake eye lashes that took me a frickin' half hour to get on right.

I had a good time, I left before my car turned into a pumpkin and I was pooped, my heels tired my ass out. Overall, it was good to go outside my comfort zone. Thanks A!

Odd Happening in October

You'd think October, given it's the month of Halloween, couldn't be any weirder than it is.

Well, it got weirder...

I thought animals were supposed to be able to sense when natural events were going to happen or is that an urban, or should I say rural, myth?

So I'm sitting on my couch sort of watching TV with two cats snuggled up on my lap fast asleep.

All of a sudden it's like a huge-ass truck is rumbling by somewhere close coz the house is vibrating on low. Cats = not disturbed.

The vibrating changes to the whole house shaking and this awful noise from the basement like my furnace is preparing to frickin' explode. Cats = finally wake up.

I leap off the couch and like a dumb-ass head for the basement stairs to check on it because IF it was the furnace that would be the place to go. So I basically proved I have to stop yelling at the horror movie chicks because I'm just as dumb-ass as them.

Turned out the furnace is not making the noise, house is still shaking, and the cats = are up and tweaked out because I'm up and tweaked out. Everything stops and my blue glass and other breakables stop rocking in their places.

I throw on some shoes and run over to my next door neighbor's... she's not home, I run across the street and they aren't home... I need to talk to somebody so I run kitty-corner and that neighbor answers the door and we both start talking and saying the same thing at once - "did you feel the shaking, thought it was the furnace, do you think it was an earthquake, I thought I was going crazy" Finally we slow down enough to have a conversation and reassure each other that we are not crazy thinking our furnaces were going to rocket us to the moon.

Later on the news it did say we had a minor one. So much for the animal early warning system in my house.

Cats = not reliable natural disaster predictors.

My Annual PseudoAuntie Outing

We missed our annual Octoberfestive Outing last year, but this year we made solid plans to go. We had the new farmy place all picked out as our usual place got all big + stuff and went all commercial + touristy and was just no fun anymore. We were all excited and both kiddos had to talk to me on the phone about our outing every time J2 called me with further details.

The Big Day arrived and we were rained out. Slopping two extremely busy kids through the mud and getting soaked in the process was not our idea of a "Day of Fun" so while in the car we immediately switched gears and decided to go to the mecca of Halloweenie-ness!

Come on, LET'S GO!

As you can tell, TJ found some of his kind!

E found a special friend of her own!

J2 got picked on by a ghost!

And I returned the favor!

Got Cool Cats? I Do.

Finch Fest

This what it's like outside my house every morning. Total finch fest! It's like a fast food thistle seed drive-thru. I got birds eating at the feeders, birds zipping back and forth eating on the fly, birds waiting for a turn, and birds being flutter-pushy to cut in line.

There are 13 birds in this pic, see if you can find them all. I was going to post the one with 14 but this pic is more clear and nicer.

Who Knew Chickadees...

liked False Indigo seeds?

I certainly did not.

While getting dressed this morning, I heard a commotion outside one of my bedroom windows. So I investigated and found a plethora of chickadees fluttering like hummingbirds around the False Indigo plant and vying for the seed pods of choice, poking holes in the pods, and chomping like crazy. I must have had about 10 chickadees on the plant at at time. Then they all flew off.

When I got home from work today, I cut the seed pod stems off and made four bundles, tied each of them tightly, and affixed them to the bird feeder garden hooks on my deck. This way they don't have to try so hard and I can watch them better.

A Day

My neighborhood had their 2nd annual yard sale today. Mom had brought over stuff throughout the week and stored it in my garage - like we did last year. I got outside by 7am - my goal - to starting to set up after calling to make sure Mom was on her way (she was a bit late last year - their phone was off the hook and I got a little panicked and had my neighbor watch our stuff and drove over to see if they are alright as I couldn't get thru phone-wise) as we had a lot to get up and out. My neighbor told us she put her porch light on at 6am to get ready to set up and she had customers at 6:30am!! Waiting for her, not letting her finish setting up, and it was still practically dark out. And they were rather rude to her too because she still in the process of getting things ready. The sale started at 8am. I had one guy tapping his foot while I was setting up, following me when I put things out, and then my mom came and he stalked us both. We had everything out and ready before 8am and were pooped by 9:44am - we had no idea what time it was, it was cloudy so no sun to gauge by and when I went in to check the time, we were both a bit blindsided it was still so early! We managed to go from three tarps, stuff lining one side of the driveway, and two tables (stuff on and under) to just a small pickup truck of remainders that ended their day at Goodwill courtesy of my dad.

My friend called me after the sale to let me know the "gang" was going out for dinner and drinks so I took a nap. When I woke up, I rolled over and looked out my window and was enjoying the wind rushing thru the trees (we've got MAJOR wind right now - awesome, but still humid) when I spied a hummingbird zoom up to my roses. He tried his very hardest to get his little beak in the rose bud which was tightly closed, then zoomed to an open one but still no luck. I was sending him mental messages to go to the other side of the forsythia where the newly planted Bee Balm (courtesy of my mom, thank you Mom) was. He tried the bud again and zipped around the azaela a bit but then took off to the left which is what I was suggesting. I hightailed it quietly into my spare room and looked out the window and there he was dipping his busy beak in the Bee Balm blossoms. I think Moomin sent him because about a month ago I had talked to Mom about wanting bright red Bee Balm to attract hummers so he and I could watch them. The Bee Balm was planted before he died but he never got to see them so I think he sent this little green hummer to me today, very sweet. So now I will be hummer-watching myself.

Out with friends - we had fun, lots of laughs, everyone had a coupon for dinner, one person got their dinner for free because the kitchen forgot it and it came to the table late, and then we tried out the new "tavern" in town (well it's been there about a year but we've never been). I was a tad late getting to the tavern because I had to get the gunk off the inside of my windshield that the humidity accentuated and when I walked in/got directions/looked in the tavern for my friends who I didn't see, I noticed the entire place smelled like fish/seafood dishes. My gag reflex really wanted to kick in so I asked the hostess if a bunch of people had come and she said they had and were all outside. Thank God! I would not have been able to stay if we were all inside as the place just reeked of seafood specials/chowder/fish soup/god knows what other seafood delights. YUCK! I got outside to a nice back deck area, rocking chairs and such, but the all the drinks were in the double digits - I can't drink coz of the pain meds and even if I could I'm not spending that kind of money on a drink, so I got a nice hot cocoa which I counted as my dessert. The wind and humidity made my hair some kind of wonderful curly/wavy mass so I looked good with very little effort - just the way I like it.

Rib Schmib

Okay, how many of you think about your ribs? How many of you really think about your innards?

Be honest, you never do unless something goes very wrong.

I never thought about my ribs. I've thought about and mentally dissected/ lipo-ed the padding on them but not actually thought about the ribs themselves.

Well now I'm forced to think about them 24/7 every damn day!

August 27, 2012, a day of suckage of MAJOR proportions... before Moomin passed away later that day, Doodle decided to jerk me awake before my 5am alarm by attempting to vomit on me in my bed. 

Disoriented coz I'm not even close to fully awake, I tried shoving her off me and she strongly resisted. I sat up and tried shoving her off again which she strongly resisted again while making yarfing motions/sounds. So I ripped the covers off me and tried shoving her off the bed which she again resisted all the while attempting to heave her guts up.

It was still very dark so I reached for the light switch to assist me with seeing how to get the damned cat off my bed and no switch, so I reached a bit farther, still no switch, has to be there so I reached for a third farther time and 

BANG!

I'd fallen out of bed flat on my right side with my arm out straight onto hard wood floors. And Doodle is no longer such an important issue and I. AM. NOW. AWAKE.

Holy shit I thought I was going to pass out and vomit myself. I'd knocked the wind out of me which made things all that much more fun. I got myself upright, cuddling my right side/arm, trying not to panic/vomit, and trying so hard to stay calm to take strained strange sounding breaths. My alarm went off. And it wasn't stopping.

I crawled up on my bed, stopped the alarm, continued trying to take breaths but the pain in my right side was making me feel alternatingly cold and really REALLY warm, clammy and sweaty, my lips would be cold while my cheeks were hot and then my lips would get hot and my cheeks would get cold, and I was very nauseated. And I had to frickin' pee.

Which was a TMI experience not going to go into.

Afterwards I made the executive decision to go to the ER so I medicated Moo and Doo before I left because I did not know how long I was going to be away and saw that Moo was having a hard time breathing so I tried to comfort him and gave him a double dose. Getting in my car, driving to the hospital around the corner, and getting out of my car - yeah not an adventure you see advertised on TV.

Checked in, X-rayed (almost passed out twice while they took 4 of 'em, tech said my lips were white), told I had a fracture in my 6th rib, shot in the butt of "rib medicine", and back home with pain med prescription and the deep breathing exerciser. 

Back home to completely not think about myself but about Moo. The Universe chose the most direct and painful way it knew to make sure I stayed home that day. And I did need to be home. What an awful day. I know he's no longer suffering but I am, I wasn't ready for him to go.

And this Tuesday I found, after reading over my doctor's shoulder, that I actually have multiple fractures in my 6th and 7th ribs. No wonder it hurts so damn much. 

Seriously folks, your frickin' ribs are involved in everything thing - big/little - you do. Everything! And I can attest to that. Still have not sneezed since last Monday and am so NOT looking forward to when I do. God is that going to hurt.

If You Look Closely

You can see me in his eyes taking his picture.

I keep expecting to see him zoom around the house, feel him give me a head butt, hear his big purr, and smell his warm fur. 

My big Monkeypants Munchkin Moomifer.

Moomin's Last Photos

I lost Moomin today. I can't talk, so here are his last pictures. He was a very brave boy.

I'm going to miss him SO very much.

Damn Calls Scaring the Crapola Out of the Cat Herd

Every time the phone rings you'd think there was a major catastrophe occurring at my house that involves everyone with four feet and whiskers running amok through the house like their frickin' tails were on fire.

Just saying.

So I got home from work today and Moo seemed like he was regressing just a tiny bit, gave him his Lasix early, and decided to read until cat dinner which happens at 5pm or after because if they are fed ANY earlier, they wake my ass up accordingly and I really don't want lofting Doodle across the bedroom on my conscience.

Anyhoo, right about dinnertime Moo decided to go all testosterone on Doodle and I had a major cat fight, slash wrestling death match, slash guerrilla warfare, slash chunks of fur flying (and I do mean that literally) all over the house on my hands. I broke it up and followed the Moo into the dining room and his breathing was off the charts. 

I checked back with him a half hour later and it was still way up there - so I gave him two tabs of Lasix and will be checking him again at around 11pm. He may end up getting another two or one. Right now he's on the two tab track, looks like a repeat of Friday. That damn fluid around his heart can build up at the drop of a hat/blink of an eye and our weather certainly isn't helping. Ah well.

Also this weekend: I went to a book sale and got some book crack (yeah me) along with two tiny little foreign language dictionaries for my brother for his b'day (belated), got crank-called all Saturday night by some little girl who thought she was all that and a bag of chips (wait til her parents see the cell phone records), and weeded Sunday morning (three wheelbarrowsful of them) - was that a buggy adventure and a half: spiders, ants, earwigs, crickets, grasshoppers, grubs, something bright bright green and caterpillary/tomato hornwormy, worms, beetles, Japanese beetles, and some little white tiny flying things that tried their level best to end up in my mouth, up my nose, and in my lungs. But on the bright side with all my Pilates, the two hours of weeding did not result in my back hurting at all. YES!

So For the Moo

Friday was not a good day. Had to call Dr. H again. 

New plan: if Moo is breathing 50 breaths per minute I'm to give him 2 Lasix tabs. If he's breathing at 60 breaths per minute, three tabs is strongly recommended.

I was directed to give him two tabs at 8pm and then again at midnight and Saturday morning the difference was AMAZING. It was a shot in the arm. Moo's breathing hasn't been this "normal" easy and effortless since frickin' the beginning of June.

Of course I'm being cautiously optimistic. But I have a plan and Dr. H has been super, just super for self-confessed and obvious dog person.

Weekend

I'd like to be able to say this weekend is wonderful, full of fun and cool things, places to go, people to see, and all that jazz...

But no.

It's extremely nice not to have work hanging over my head now that I've figured out a system. While the system is fractured, it is working for the most part and leaves me with my weekends work-free, which was the goal.

I'm hovering over the Moo this weekend. Started this Friday, I thought something was a bit off about him but couldn't quite put my finger on it as he ate his breakfast, chomped the other cats, played a little, drank water, and peed. When I left work to go home, I felt the heat/humidity and said "ah hah". Got home and Moo was having trouble breathing. Dosed him early, dosed him again 4 hrs later, and he was still not good this morning so I gave him his usual 6:30am dose, dosed him again with half a pill at 10:30am, again with half a pill at 2:30pm, and at 3:30pm broke down and took Dr. H up on his "call me at home anytime" offer regarding Moo. I apologized for calling him, told him that it's not a crisis coz he's eating/bit Hobbes while I was on the phone/just peed before I called, listed what I had been doing med-wise, and that I am/was very worried because his breathing is not getting better. He said I wasn't being aggressive enough with the Lasix and this weekend's weather is not helping a bit. He told me the max and gave me a plan of action and said to call him early tomorrow morning if Moo's still not better as he will be in the office for a short while (!! wow, a committed Vet). I already see some improvement but I'm not crowing about it yet.

So, while it would be nice to be off gallivanting and funning, I would rather be at home taking care of a small furry cat-person that I love very much because there is this tiny tiny voice in the back of my head that is ticktocking Moo's time with me. Not saying sooner or later, just ticktocking. 

I'm listening because it's the same voice that told me my surgery was not going to be the open/shut in/out easypeasy procedure everyone kept telling me it was going to be. Granted it turned out well but I did have to have a second surgery that was long and complicated for a little ole gall bladder. And required an overnight.

So I'm spending quality time with my Moo and Doo and Hob.

Sam's SuperEasy Summer Salad

Super cold, super crisp, and super easy to make. What more can you ask for a summer dish?

Ingredients:

• 1 pkg of cherry tomatoes (I use the Santa Sweets, you can use yours from the garden if you have one)
• 2 cucumbers (med)
• 1 can of black olives
• 1/2 red pepper
• 1/2 yellow pepper
• 1/2 orange pepper
• Rice noodles cooked how you like and however many you want and however fat you want them
• Dressing - I'm experimenting so you'll have to fill in the blank here for your preference

Chop up peppers to the size bites you like.

Chop up cukes into whatever bitesize you like.

Dump tomatoes and olives in bowl with pprs and cukes.

Mix with hands.

Add cooked rice noodles, mix with hands again.

Or if you are sensory-defensive, mix with kitchen implement of choice.

Add dressing to the amount to "just" cover the veggies. Add more if you are dressing fiend.

So far I've tried a Tuscany Italian Dressing, a FatFree Balsamic Vinaigrette, and a Vidalia Onion Dressing (actually mixed the last two together as well). I haven't found quite what I'm looking for but the Balsamic Vinaigrette is close. Just close. I'll know it when I taste it tho it may mean some more close but no cigars. Oh well, at least it makes my work lunches easy to make coz the big bowl lasts a almost a whole week.

FYI, if you want to double the salad, use the whole pprs and add another pkg of cherry tomatoes, two more cukes, and another can of olives and Viola - two big ass bowls of salad!

Bachelor Pad - I DO NOT Watch It

I was channel surfing before turning the TV off to go to bed to read, when I happened upon the new season of Bachelor Pad. I know nothing about the show, don't care to, and given what little I did see I have no desire to.

But I did indulge in some mindless curiosity and watched to see who arrived at the "mansion" - they were divided into past season contestants and Fans, self explanatory right? There was plenty of fakers thinking they were being "real", lots of tight dresses/cleavage on the women and those huge dumb-ass watches like shackles on the men, big talk about how they were there to find love but win the game (like that works), and catty snide remarks about past seasons and contestants. 

The only reason I'm posting is because one of the past season contestants made a truly brainless comment...

She commented in one of those little editing side-bars about a Fan. She said if the Fan's strategy is anything like the way she dresses, she's no competition/she's going home early/she's not winning. FYI, the Fan had on a little red dress that hit just above the knee, real brown hair, and minimal make-up.

I find that interesting coming from someone who resembles a pleather-covered LazyBoy with built-in massagers, air bag lips covered in bear grease, and fake blond hair with extensions.

Only Me or I Know What Everyone Is Going To Say

Moo needed to go to his bloodwork follow-up vet appointment this morning so I packed him up and took him out to the car to get my umbrella as I was going to walk him over, yes, I live that close to my vet.

When I got out my door, I noticed my garage door had stopped halfway up. I figured it was nothing too major (gdoor has had issues in the past) and brought Moo into the garage with me, threw away the cat scoop bags/recycled the cat food cans, and decided to pull the manual door cord so that I could open/shut the garage door and figure out what was wrong with it when I had time, like after Moo's appt.

I pulled the cord and......  SHEBAAAAANG!!!

I had absolutely no time to catch the garage door, it just slammed shut so fast with the biggest bang.

I went over to the door, which was now on manual, thinking "wow, that was exciting but no prob, I'll just open the door and be on my way" and apologizing to Moo for the scary-ass door.

I pulled, nothing happened, I pulled again, nothing, I then started doing the "pull-the-car-off-my-trapped-love-one" move, nothing, tried the Hulk, nothing, frenzied yanking and pulling, nothing, nada, zilch except for three little bitty inches.

Yep, I was trapped in my frickin' garage! At a quarter of 8 in the morning with a heart diseased cat who needed to get to his appt, I needed to go to work, and no one knew I was there.

I started pacing, swearing, and panicking. 

Yeah I know. Why didn't I just go out the other door? Coz there's only one way into my garage and it was currently only opening 3 frickin' inches.

Yeah I know. Why didn't I just get on my cell phone and call someone like my parents, neighbor, best friend, repair man? Coz I don't have a cell phone.

Blasphemy in today's tech age, I know!

So the whole time I'm pacing and panicking, I'm also periodically pulling on the damn door trying to figure out what to do as breaking the framed-in unopenable window is totally the last resort.

Oh, and apologizing profusely to poor Moo who was the absolute last cat to be in this position! I was praying real hard this didn't kill him.

I finally decided the damn door wasn't going anywhere, my garage is set way back away from the street so no one can see it unless they were right at the end of my driveway which wasn't happening and by the time an early morning runner ran by I'd have missed them and they'd probably be wearing earbuds anyway, my left-hand neighbors are elderly and hard of hearing, so I crossed my fingers hoping my right-hand neighbor was home and had her back sliding glass door open, and started screaming my neighbor's name at the top of my lungs at the 3in opening. Then I thought if she did hear me, she wouldn't know where it was coming from so I stood up, screamed her name repeatedly and banged on the gdoor windows. Don't ask me how long I was going to keep that up because I honestly DO NOT know.

I finally, it must have been about 5-6min, I saw her poke her head out the sliding glass door so I banged even harder and yelled "it's Sam and I'm trapped in my garage!!" She came over, still in her nighty, and was amazed. So calm too, she said she thought it was kids so she checked out her front door and didn't see anyone and because she kept hearing the screaming she kept trying to figure out where it was coming from. She said she and her b'friend also heard the gdoor crash-bang but didn't know where it came from so didn't think anything of it until she heard the screaming. She enlisted the assistance of her b'friend who asked me to turn a light on and look at the mechanics of the door while she called the vet for me and the PDQ Door guys.

I found one of the main springs had cracked but the door was still in it's track and there was nothing blocking the tracks so I could not find a reason why the door would only open 3 f'in inches. My neighbor came back and said the vet told me to come in whenever I was free (hah) and the PDQ guys weren't yet open but given the circumstances, they were sending a tech RIGHT over but it would be about 20 min.

My neighbor's b'friend is an architect and he'd gone off but came back with some wood and branches, fashioned a lever while discussing Archimedes, and with me and the neighbor pulling on the door and him manning the lever, we all managed to get the door unstuck from whatever it was, and I and Moo were free!

I rushed Moo to the vet, Dr. H pronounced him no worse for the wear, they took blood, and the PDQ guy was there when I got back talking to my neighbor.

After bundling Moo into the house, I came back out and my neighbor had just finished commenting that the PDQ guys must get calls like this every so often. PDQ Guy said "nope, this was the first human trapped in a garage for them!" Nice.

Only me. 

And PDQ guy was a hottie. Again nice and only me!

Gdoor is fixed, new springs/cables/etc and now works like a charm $200+ and a HI-larious story later.