Tuesday, August 26, 2008

WipeOut

So maybe it's the withdrawal from no longer having access to 60-something channels.

Maybe it's because I'm tired.

Maybe it's because there's absolutely nothing on but channel surfing becomes so compulsive and hard to stop, you know, the "something has to got to get better or change in 30 seconds" attitude.

It could be the underground need for pre-teen pull-my-finger boyish humor.

But let me tell you what...

Tonight, WipeOut made me belly-laugh out loud 5, FIVE, five times, people!

That just does NOT happen.

I totally did not mean to watch this show, I made fun of the previews when it first came out, and I mentally pshawed it to the nth degree.

But OMG!

This show is hilarious. Jim Henson (not the muppet Jim, but TV personality Jim) is a riot.

Tonight's show had this burly firefighter with thick Viking mustachios. Jim commented psuedo-enviously on them and after a commercial break, he was sporting a big-ass pair of "manly stashes" as he called them. I about fell off the couch laughing, good thing I had two cats pinning me down! Two contestents had pants issues - one had to pull hers up so much she earned a hitch-her-pants counter and the other just pulled them off before his hitch counter could be activated. One guy did a major split on top of the first of the big red balls before he richocheted off the second one and into the water. That slow motion shot was excellent fun. Ouch tho!

And the obstacles... the balls, the slide with the mini ball firework explosion at the bottom, and Jim's random comments that are so sarcastic and biting and voiced-overed the action. He gives the contestents nicknames, he makes puns, he's thoroughly evil!

Not to mention the butt jiggly slo-mo shots when the contestents are wearing inappropriate work-out wear and covered in wet mud. Priceless!

I believe I will be tuning in again for some truly mindless belly laughing next week. God I hope it's on.

Oh, and I think I may have to give Stylista a try because there may be many a moment to snarkily blog about. We'll see.

Sunday, August 17, 2008

BusyBusy Post B'day

Yesterday was great! It was a good b'day. I found some finds at the book sale I went to (got more than I bargined for as there was a farter in the crowd - eeuuuwww, I tried really hard to stay out of his vicinity, damn he should NOT have been out in public), got some cute capris at Eddie Bauer (half price with my gift certificate), restrained myself in Barnes&Noble (really, I did, coz...), my brother got me a Borders book card, parents gave me a Jamie Oliver T-fal pan (which I can't wait to use), took a nap, went out with parents for b'day Chinese food dinner (YUM), was treated to a ThinMint blizzard, and came home to read myself into a pre-bed stupor.

Today, I procrastinated a bit this morning before I mowed the lawn.

Also I washed and waxed the new car.

Now I'm butt tired.

Tomorrow I gotta get up mega-early so I can drive a van for 4 hours. I'm too excited for words.

Can't you just tell?

Right now, the cats are hovering and circling like furry attractive vultures for their bed time snack. Duty calls.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Celebrating My B'Day Hotness

I tried to pre-prepare for my birthday celebration.

On Wednesday, I called my best friend's daughter, M, to see if she was available to go out at the local venue Friday evening and celebrate. She told me she thought she'd made plans with someone and would check and call me back.

I hadn't heard back from her by today and I left a message earlier. By tonight, I was a tad worried as I had not heard back from her (she's usually prompt in returning messages) and I left a message and tried to call 3 other times. I tried really hard not to be a pest.

So to err on the optimistic side, I found an outfit, put my hair in curlers, spent alot of time putting a face on, painted my nails to match my Angelina Jolie sweater (it just has that feeling), and called once more at 10pm. Her voice mail picked right up again. I figured (hoped) something was wrong with her phone.

I decided to drive to the local venue to see if I saw M's car. No see'um. I listened to my intuition and drove to her apartment. M was there. She apologized for not getting back to me and said her phone was uncharged. She and her boyfriend R asked me what I would like to do. I told them that I was flexible, but since I already had 10 oz of make-up on, I'd like go out tonight if they were willing. M took 3 minutes and R took 1 minute (I hate guys!). They piled into my car and off we went.

I had such a fun time!! People watching is so interesting. Quite the drama with Vagina Chick 2.0 happening next to our table. Vagina Chick 1.0 was this obnoxious blonde who suctioned cupped her Vahjayjay to the dance floor mirror during J's and my party days. 2.0 looked similar with her kinky white blonde hair, leopard print thong, white jeans, and slutty attitude. All the guys passing her table would roll their eyes or make a face. M says V. Chick 2.0 is a piece of work and not a nice one at that.

The bartender made me and R very strong Grateful Deads which I managed to make that last the entire evening.

I saw two blast from the pasts. I can't wait to tell J about the first one and the second was BoobTube Lady from our past in the '90s. Doing the same damn thing she was when I first started going out with J - dressing inappropriately for her age (she's probably a grandmother 10 times over) and attempting to dance to the live band with her skeezy old guy boyfriend or significant other. When J and I first started going dancing, BoobTube Lady was wearing exactly that, an orange one to be precise, and very short satin gym shorts from the 80's with the three stripes up the side. Yeah. She was a visual treat. Tonight she just had tight stuff on and was getting her old groove thang on. Not in a cute old person way either, more in a white trash missing teeth redneck icky way.

I'm such a happy camper. A guy said I was HOT. I'm hot!!! Makes the muffin topping that was invisibly happening under the Angelina Jolie sweater seem like small stuff!

Monday, August 04, 2008

Third Book's A Charm

I started reading a book Saturday morning that I bought several months ago. I got to the bottom of page 22 and went up to what I thought was page 23.

At first I couldn't figure out why the paragraph I was reading didn't make sense. After going back to the bottom of page 22 and to the top of the next page several times, it hit me that there wasn't anything wrong with me, but there was with the book. I checked the page numbers and found they numbered 22 and skipped to page 55. An entire section missing. That's why my paragraph didn't make sense. I flipped ahead to see if 23-54 were somewhere else in the book, it happens sometimes, a printing mix-up.

No go. Just pages 55-75 repeated twice.

So I went to Borders to swap which they were nice enough to do, after all it had their sticker on it.

Sunday night, I'm reading in bed before going to sleep. I get to page 342 and the same damn thing happens. I discover the book jumps from page 342 to 372. A section completely missing again, what are the chances of that? I fumed for a really short time, there was nothing for me to do as I was PJed, in bed, and it was 11pm. I started a new book.

Today after work, I went to Borders again with my second defective book. I suggested to the DooBee that he bring them all to the counter because this did not seem to be an isolated incident. Sure enough, I found another with the same pages missing as Book#2.

I did manage to find a complete edition and the DooBee said he was going to go thru them all to see if there were any more defective books.

As an aside, I just about got the Dump Guy put in the hospital. I arranged to have him come to take my 2-3 year brush pile, 4 rail road ties, 2 rooms of carpet, and a broken up walkway of asphalt. Apparently when he lifted the first layer of the rolled-up carpeting, a swarm of yellow jackets occurred. He had some Raid and he didn't get stung, but he'll have to come back when the weather is cold to pick up the rest of the carpet. I felt bad but he said it was a typical hazard of the job. So I'm left with carpeting that's become the Section 8 housing of wasps. I may experiment and spray them, but chances are I'll just wait them out til the brisk snappy cold days of Fall and then have them carted off once they are "sleeping". Oh, and the Dump Guy was a hottiepants.

Sunday, August 03, 2008

Heavy Rain, Possums, Fog, and Frogs Oh My!

I went to a dog party yesterday evening at my friend J2's. She was celebrating having two greyhounds, so it technically wasn't a birthday party but more of a celebration of their adoptions.

J2 made homemade dog cake, dog treats, and had an array of other healthy dog foods on the table so guests could treat their dogs. She was worried humans would try to eat the dog food so she had all these little bone labels to help clueless humans look before they put anything in their mouths. The humans had their own table with hamburger fixings and salads, lots of salads.

Frisky and Lizzie (her two greyhounds) were completely spoiled and learned very fast to hover by the fence anytime anyone walked by because they might have treats and they usually did. While the humans had pie and ice-cream, all the dogs had doggie sundaes. It was so cute to see the dogs jamming their noses down into the cups to get the treat wedged in the bottom after all the ice-cream was gone.

Unfortunately the vast majority of people who said they were coming, didn't show due to the cloudy cold clammy weather (it didn't rain until it got dark). There were only about 12 people + one dog out of 70 invited. J2 made me up a big plate of goodies for my parents' dog who was supposed to go but was out gallivanting with my parents instead. It's probably best he didn't go, I stayed way past his bedtime.

J2 and I spent some time playing Wii. This game we tried called "Defend Your Castle" was strangely addictive. It was high tech disguised with low tech graphics. The defenders (us) were plastic bread tabs, the enemies were stick people, battering rams were popsicle sticks, the clouds went by on strings, and the Pit of Conversion was a paint can. Don't ask, we never did figure out how to use the Pit of Conversion although we bought one.We also bought an archery tower which we couldn't figure out how to use. We used the bread tabs to pick up the stick figures so they didn't beat on our castle which made us lose health points (as shown in burberry and plaid, if you had too much plaid, you were getting unhealthy and soon the game would be over). I discovered if you picked the stick people up and FLUNG them off the top of the screen, when they finally landed you got more points for being more... vicious? They made this excellent splat sound regardless. Towards the end, the wheels of red plastic caps (for cap guns) would explode into a festive rainbow it you hit them just right, taking many enemies with them as well.

When I finally decided I had to go, the rain was pouring down in buckets, with no sign of slowing down. I made a mad dash for my car, soaked my jeans, filled my sandals, and had water in my hood. I got in and realized this would be my first night drive in the new car.

What an adventure! Heavy rain in the dark makes it difficult to see the stripes on the road which have either not yet been re-painted or have been indifferently painted with cheap paint that disappears whenever the road gets the slightest bit wet.

Not to mention the real-life Frogger game! The whole way home I was trying to avoid the little buggers trying to cross the road. I saw plenty who didn't make it, gross. What possesses them to cross the road in the dead of night in pouring rain is beyond me.

And then, coming carefully around a turn, coz it was also getting foggy as well, a possum ambles across the road, sees my headlights, and puts on a bit more speed.

I was glad to make it home in one piece! With dry dog treats for Riley.

My kittos were happy to see me as well, they wanted their very belated dinner!